What is the reality of being a first time mom?

3.5months old on the board here. It’s fine. 🤣 as simple as that. Some babies sleep more, some less. They usually wake up for feeds, change of nappy and get back to sleep again. Monitor your little awake window time- it saved us. Don’t let your baby become overtired.
I watch a lot of TV, I EBF and there is nothing else to do 🤣 so yeah, it isn’t that bad. Enjoy these first few weeks 🥰

The reality will depend on the babies temperament. I’m going to be completely honest. You won’t know until baby comes! They do sleep a lot as a newborn so that’s correct. Some sleep no fuss in their sleep area and some will only sleep on you. Thinking back to the newborn days with my son the hardest part was figuring out what he needed. Once he got older that became easier. Lack of sleep will get to you. It’s important to have someone to support you.

Your mom is right sorry to break it to you at least in my experience 😂 my mom told me the exact same thing and I didn’t believe her I was like well they sleep all day what are you talking about .. no my baby does not like to sleep never did 🤣 every minute of my day is spent entertaining him or feeding or changing diapers or cleaning. When I say I haven’t had time to watch a single show or movie since I had him I’m serious

It’s so dependent on your baby! I’ve had plenty of time to watch tv and do nothing because my little girl loves her sleep 😂 currently 5 months old, only has ever woken once per night so I can’t even say I’ve ever been sleep deprived from having her either! I wouldn’t worry about what other people say because it’s going to be so dependant on what your baby is like x

I mean every baby is different, which sounds crazy, but it’s the truest thing. So maybe she has to carry you everywhere and found it difficult to function. My first baby contact napped and coslept with me the first 5 months, which was hard on me getting things done. Do you have support the first couple months or weeks? That’s pretty vital after giving birth. I’d say so you aren’t “trapped” by the baby look into a baby swing or baby carrier, this can help while they have a nap in that you can do the dishes or nap yourself. The reality is very difficult a lot of the time but I don’t like how your mom is treating you, seems quite insensitive.

It is completely dependant on baby and your partner, I was able to do a lot still, some things I might have to wait for until my boyfriend was home etc. But especially at first when they’re so young and do just sleep, that’s when you can get a lot done! Personally don’t think there’s been anything where I’ve just simply not had the time, just sometimes was down to if baby want to be held, but that’s what baby wearing is for :)

All babies are different, a lot of the time you actually spend a lot of time snuggled up watching movies while bub sleeps on you or feeds. Both of my babies have been super chill but everyone has a different experience

You won’t have much time for yourself she right

Oh wow reading all these comments it really is different for every baby bc my baby didn’t sleep, hated the swing and any carrier I literally bought like 6 different ones but he just didn’t like it he only likes being held 😂

Babies are complete adjustments and you’ll feel like that at first. Just bc everything is different
But then it’s pretty chill bc they’re literally potatoes

Toddlers are a new level 😅
Now I feel like I have zero down time, but you embrace the chaos and feel anxious when you do have down time 🤣

Don’t let bitter projection bring anxiety. It’s something you can’t prepare for because you don’t know how it’ll be until baby is born. And that’s for non first time moms too!

Just utilize all support systems and whatever is not important, let it go! Sleep when you can, eat when you can, and you’ll find your own groove. It’s an adjustment for all parents. It doesn’t have to be terrible though

Lack of sleep is really hard on you mentally and physically. Having support is amazing, lean on your loved ones to help you with the baby & prioritize your sleep so you can be present for the little one ❤️

My first had bad reflux so he was only content for any period of time if he was held. He also wanted to eat every 2 hours around the clock. Yes I was exhausted but I still could rest and recover. If I needed a shower or to make a meal I simply put him in his crib/bouncer/etc and did what I needed to do. Sure he cried for a few minutes but I made sure he was fed and dry first. It's not going to harm them to cry for a couple minutes so you can care for yourself. If you can before birth make a bunch of freezer crockpot meals that you can grab and dump to make yourself meals(and use crockpot liners so you don't have to scrub them lol) you really won't know what you're getting into until baby is born. Like I said, my first was difficult but my second is the easiest kid ever

thankfully my parents will be here for an entire month and then my hubbies parents will be here for a couple weeks. Also my hubby is a firefighter so he works 2 days and has 4 days off, so that will make it easier at least the 4 days he is home. So I am really thankful that I will have support in that way. My mom is definitely not very sensitive, and I think that is how she was raised. She dismisses any anxiety or stress that I have like it’s nothing, thankfully my husband is much different and is 100% there for me. I think what scared me the most is how my mom paints everything in a negative light, and I want the whole newborn experience to be positive and beautiful. Even though it’s going to be nice having my mom’s help, it will also be difficult to not let her negativity get to me. She lives 2000 miles away at least 😂🥴

thank you!!!! That was very positive to read ❤️ and I was literally thinking, people in the olden days still had all of their chores around the house and farm and were able to do it. I’m sure they were beyond exhausted, but life does go on even after having a baby. You just bring the baby along and things change a bit. I know I will be ok, I just have to let the negative thoughts go.

yah from reading the comments I think it really is different for each baby. Your experience sounded a bit rougher than most, and you are amazing for going through all of that. I want to make sure I am mentally prepared in case my baby is similar and a bit more needy then most. But hoping he at least sleeps a bit 😂🤞

You have to MAKE the time for yourself. Babies do require a lot and when they’re asleep you’re completely exhausted and have no energy to do anything. You’re to do list is a mile long and it never ends. But if you make yourself a priority too, then it should be ok.

Everyone has been adding great things, I'll just mention that once baby comes, you'll either be worried she's breathing and sleeping well or fascinated by how absolutely adorable she is when she's sleeping. I spend so much just looking at her wondering how it is that I made her and wondering what her life will be. Should use that time to rest or do something but too often I'll just want to look at her

that’s what I was thinking too! I don’t want to let myself completely go where I mentally lose it, so MAKING time for just me even if it’s just for a few minutes seems important. Definitely going to make that a priority! All these comments have definitely made my anxiety less at least 😍 I want to make sure that this whole experience is a positive one and not a negative one ❤️

I am so excited for that part too!!! Can’t wait to hold him and see his lil face! I know I am totally going to be obsessed with him, just want to make sure I’m obsessed and also take care of myself too! ❤️❤️

I think it all depends on your baby and honestly your time management and motivation. My LO is almost 10 months and yes he does require a lot of my time but I am able to participate in a book club at work, I’m independently reading my own series, I meal prep for me and him every week and I’m working out. You just have to figure out ways around your LO and have a nice routine.

You will definitely have time - just won’t feel like enough time that’s all. By baby slept 18-19 hours a day, as a first time mum you spend a lot of mental energy worrying about them, researching, answering well wishers, dissecting which advise to take vs ignore. And you’re also recovering, bleeding and leaking. Physical recovery is exhausting in itself. I watched loads of tv when she was young and didn’t need much entertaining - I also pumped for her first 4 months - and when she wasn’t up I was pumping, or cleaning or sterilising and that was exhausting. But it is really enjoyable at the same time, I loved just sitting with her curled up on my chest

The reality depends on you, your baby, and your spourt people with my frist baby I had ZERO time to myself and it was my own fault

I had PPD and PPA soooo bad I always thought something horrible would happen to him or something or someone was going to take him away

I had an image in my head that kept poping up of this dead women in a black dress with long black hair I had this un relistch fear that this dead woman ghost or demon whatever she was was going to take him

I couldn't tell what was real and wat was fake I didn't trust anyone to be near my son or help with him not even his dad

I didn't tell anyone about this or how I was feeling because I felt like if I did seek mental health help they would tell me I'm a "bad mom" and take my baby so I suffered in silence for little over a year

Second baby and it's soooooooo much easier PPD and PPA are all most not even noticeable I still have bad days but it's so much easier and I can manage it

I also have reached out to my therapist and physiologist

It definitely depends on the baby. I have no time and I can’t leave him because he won’t sleep on his own and I have to nurse and supplement with pumping 3x a day since he has slow weight gain. He’s either on me sleeping or I’m pumping for him or nursing him or playing with him. I do finally get sleep though, but he has to be sleeping with me for it to happen. However, we have a few friends with kids that would nap independently and that’s a total different thing because all the time they are napping is time you have on your own.

you poor thing! That sounds terrible! I am so glad you finally reached out to get help, I can’t imagine going through all of that alone. I am trying to be flexible and ready for anything that might happen, and I am so thankful I have such wonderful support from my husband. I will definitely be counting my blessings for sure. ❤️ thank you for sharing your story though, I know you aren’t the only one that has suffered this, and it helps others know it’s ok and that it by no means makes you a bad mom at all!

First baby is just a life adjustment. Everything will change but with only one baby you can sleep when baby sleeps or get stuff done a bit easier than with two or more. Best of luck

that’s good to know!!!! And thank you ❤️❤️❤️

This is complete and utter trash (unless you have a baby with colic , reflux, health issues or you’re EBFing). Even if you’re EBFing i think you will still manage to watch shows and have some self care time. Everyone told me “you’ll never have a hot cup of coffee again”, “you’ll never be able to shower again alone” , “you’ll not eat any hot meals” … i have a 4 week old and i’ve done all of those things, some of them every day lol. People like to try and scare you. If you have some help from a partner it is completely possible to do all of these things. Don’t listen to people who tell you you can’t do anything. I have also had a day out with the girls and cocktails 2 weeks after my LO was born. I had to sit down for most of it but I did it!

that’s so good to hear!!! I am thinking my mom had a negative experience when having me and my sister and maybe that’s where her negativity is coming from. I just want to be able to look forward to the time not dread it like she has been making me feel. I was worried that it would be selfish if I wanted a balance, but I don’t think it is. Taking care of me too helps me take care of my baby ❤️

My baby is a contact napper so I don’t get to nap but I do get to binge tv while she naps on me haha

Just like everyone else said, it completely depends on the baby. My baby had awful reflux, eczema and couldn't sleep for long periods because of those problems so I was basically a zombie for the first 6 months. Even though it was hard, I miss those days so much now 🥲

Also, exclusively breastfeeding and co sleeping worked well for me. It's very hard for me to get back to sleep once I'm awake that's why I didn't bottle feed. You'll figure out what works for you once the baby is there.

You'll have tons of time to sit and cuddle your baby if you breastfeed so Netflix and snacks will be your best friends for a while. I basically lived on my sofa in the first 3 months. My son used to breastfeed basically all day. Those were the nicest days of my life 🙂

Every baby is different!! As my mum put it my brother slept from feed to feed however I demanded every bit of attention 🤣 it’s a very anxious time however you will soon find your feet and it gets easier, remember to be kind to yourself and the jobs can wait, soak up every minute of your newborn you won’t get that time back ☺️🥰

that’s good! I found having a meal train type thing really helpful so I didn’t have to cook the first month or two really, just warming up things. If your family is helpful they should take care of that type of thing too, you might have to tell them that’s what you need or whatever you want them to do, depends on the people. I feel like she’s not being helpful in how she’s speaking about it at all. Really the newborn stage is a beautiful but challenging time, everything is flipped upside down sleep wise and functioning “like normal” just isn’t really going to happen but it’s such a lovely time to bond as a family and enjoy the little life you’ve made. I hope you can enjoy it for what it is, which isn’t a vacation(some of my family kept referring to me being a stay at home mom like that 🙄).It’s the hardest but best “job” I’ve ever had, can’t imagine my life being any different and wouldn’t change a thing. Your heart will be so full 🤍 hope that helps in the positivity department

I was gonna say too I can relate to people kind of speaking negatively surrounding this time. My sister kept saying how awful labor was going to be which really isn’t fair to say to a first time mom like everyone has their own experience and it shouldn’t be other people putting their baggage on you . It’s not nice that’s for sure, I’m sorry she isn’t being more supportive in how she’s speaking to you 💔

Personally, no. At the beginning baby nursed for 20min every 3 hours. So yea I was really tired. But there was plenty of time where baby was asleep. The biggest difference was I could be interrupted at anytime without notice. And it took awhile before I got 8hrs of uninterrupted sleep.

Every baby is different so it really depends! I breast fed and my baby cluster fed LOADS so I had lots of time sitting on the sofa feeding (I didn't really appreciate it at the time ha), but I really struggled to shower if it was just me and him as he didn't let me put him down for long. I didn't appreciate how much time I did have as its obvs overwhelming becoming a new mum but I absolutely loved it and it really was the best. Don't get anxious, you won't be running around like a headless chicken xx

I actually watched quite a lot of TV the first few weeks as my bad would only sleep on one of us or in a little cot (took us a couple of weeks to figure out we should just take that up to bed with us 😅) so I did have time. It was when baby got a bit older as I needed to interact more so I had less time to sit and watch anything. Its tricky getting any time to yourself- I had to take my son to the bathroom with me or shower so had a bouncy chair in there as he didn't want to be away from me. I also pumped a few times in the day and tried to get chores done. I definitely wasn't sat around watching TV my whole mat leave

I'm really sorry but I wish someone had told me - I'm 8 weeks pp and no there is no time to read a book or take a shower. I've had to take a wee with baby hanging off my boob more times than I can count. Newborns are all consuming and you will have 0 time to get any of your own needs met.

If you can get a family member to take baby for a while so you can take a bath or something absolutely do so.

The good news is you'll be stuck on the sofa feeding if you choose to breastfeed so lots of time for those box sets 😉

Depends on your baby but personally even though I had a baby that contact napped I never had time for a boxset which loads of people told me I would! I didn’t breastfeed so felt like I was always cleaning and sterilising bottles, I have a big dog that needs a couple of hours walk a day and a house of chores, plus entertaining baby I couldn’t work out how all these women had time for half a move let along box sets!

I did loads of binge watching when mine was a newborn! It’s when they’re toddlers you don’t get any time haha so you’ve got a little while yet x

Agreed… i don’t understand how it’s so extreme when people say you absolutely will not get any time, surely at some point the baby sleeps even if they are a difficult baby… i agree i think it can be a scare tactic from some people. I got people scaring me my whole pregnancy and my experience is the opposite

Absolutely not meaning to scare anyone, I just wasn't expecting it to be this bad and wish someone had told me so I could mentally prepare. I'm told it gets better if that helps.

Rather than scaring you, she should be reassuring you. My baby didn’t sleep much and at 6 months she still struggles with sleep. She did better after the 4 month mark. But my family helped out loads! I think some mums turn it into a competition of who has it worse

Nah. It’s not that bad. You will learn to manage your time if you set up good habits eg. Working out as soon as the baby goes down, taking care of yourself or reading or watching a show. You won’t be messing with your free time if you make an effort. Heck I run a small business right now in the evening when my lo is asleep. You can do it. The big thing to be prepared for is the sleep deprivation at the beginning. It will hit you like a train and you may feel like you are going crazy because of it

One thing that helped me take back some time was wearing my baby while getting stuff done. I could wear my baby for most of her naps in a day, do chores. I did Pilates with her in the carrier lol

The other thing to maybe prepare for is setting up a support system for yourself. Get someone’s help with cooking and cleaning if your spouse isn’t available or you don’t live with someone.

Your mom is absolutely trippin. I watched sooo much tv when the baby was a newborn (literally the first three months). Even now my 7 month old still takes naps on me twice a day and I get a chance to watch a show or respond to texts and just chill. Sleep will come in short stretches at first so you will probably want to nap during the day once or twice but you will definitely have time to eat and rest and watch movies. You can even do those things while feeding and holding a sleepy baby! She’s probably trying to set low expectations so you will be happily surprised. It is hard work though but you got this!

PS definitely have help with preparing meals and cleaning house while your body is recovering from birth, when you’re more physically capable baby wearing is great way to clean and cook while keeping baby close. Such a lifesaver! I even listen to podcasts while baby wearing and cleaning and it feels like “me time”. You fill find your flow mama don’t list to the negative Nancys.

THIS 😂 same here girl

Just keep in mind if you do have a more demanding baby, the housework will always be there. It’s ok to ignore it if you need to.