MIL coming to our bedroom

Mamas I’d love your thoughts on something. My husband wants more privacy after the baby, but my mother in law is offering a lot of help and coming into our room often to check on me and baby or put the baby in her cot when she falls asleep downstairs and all which I don’t mind as she trying to help?! Husband is not happy at all seeing her coming inside our room saying there should be boundaries as it strictly for us not even family must be allowed inside …. I totally understand what he’s saying but at the same I’ve just given birth nd I’ve got MIL offering to help or knocking to come in am I supposed to say pls don’t come in?! I feel stuck in the middle, not sure how to move forward with this as she’s still with us … pls any advice or suggestion? or do u agree on what am saying ? If I’m wrong fair enough but I feel like I’ve done nothing wrong ? Plus I guess he can speak to his mum? Or? & if anything should the MIL not know this ? if u get what I mean .. also he’s saying when she offered I can say “ let me get my husband” most of the times he’s asleep during the day ? Like okay ….

in our community

Is this worth leaving him over ?

My husband and I have been together for 2 years and have an 8 month old. He does everything in regard to the bills, a great father, best friend but … he’s not good at reassuring, consoling etc when I’m upset. Let’s say he says something or does something that offends me, he’s really bad at knowing I’m upset and handling it. I don’t know if he really doesn’t know or is ignoring me but this is his first relationship so idk if that contributes to this.
He has said he generally doesn’t know what to say or do but it can be as simple as an apology and a hug that he wouldn’t be able to do.
I’m very emotional and a big crier (literally at anything) so idk if this is giving him pressure that he avoids or he’s just being cruel and purposefully ignores.

In-Law Issues

Does anyone else have issues with their mother-in-law?

I do. A lot of issues. Long story short (actually kinda long lol) this woman told me, while I was in active labor (with complications), I must have a lower pain tolerance than her. She told me her contractions were in the 200s and mine were very low. They should’ve been way higher. They were in the 60s-70s, and I looked it up. They were normal numbers and the machine maxes out at 100. She had kids over 20 years ago.

She stayed at my house without ever asking or telling me. She just assumed she could stay there while I was in labor. I am very guarded when it comes to my home. Even if you are family, I like to be home if you are there. She then over welcomed her stay. She basically wiggled her way so she could spend the night with me in the hospital instead of my own mom or sister. I felt guilted and rushed into it because “she’ll never get to see the baby”.

She insisted she should be my lactation consultant and saw my boobs. She never even tried to give me privacy, so I could latch my baby. She pretty much turned away all the lactation consultants that came by because she knew what she was doing.

She asked me when I would feel ready to be left alone with the baby. I had a total of 5 minutes of alone time with my baby. I had a very hard time bonding to her because of it. I wanted to be left alone with my baby. I told her she could go home that day we came home from the hospital and she stayed with us for another three days. Not one time did she leave the house to give my family alone time or privacy. Nothing. Never even offered.

She calls her son “baby” around me and instead of just referring the grandbaby as “my grandbaby” she calls her “our baby” inserting herself as per usual.

The day she did leave, she gave me unsolicited relationship advice which is funny considering her husband sleeps around on her and they don’t even live together. She only wears her wedding ring when it benefits her. She pretends her relationship is good instead of just facing the fact it was over several years ago when she actually left him.
I put in the effort to send pictures and to let her see my baby, but she stopped putting in effort months ago. Now it’s my fault. She claims I quit trying. I never did. We moved further away as she insisted we moved into the rental home because I needed to create a stable like for my child (it was already stable).

Now my hubby is frustrated with me and saying I’m acting like a child just like his mom. I don’t see what’s wrong in wanting an apology from her before I’ll give anymore effort. I’m tired of being the one nice to this woman who has never respected me. Not to mention I’m already having to be nice to his sister who referred to unborn child at the time, inbred, and pretty much cyberbullied me for a little bit. She also has been a terrible aunt and now all of the sudden she wants to be in the picture but more like low-effort. She doesn’t ever make a point either. And no I never got an apology from her either.

I’m just mad. I have postpartum rage and I just want to go off on them so bad. My husband is just not understanding that. To him I’m still being petty and using our child as leverage. To me, I’m tired of being the better person when it doesn’t change the results. I never get anything back from them, so why bother. I’m not going out of my way to be disrespectful to them like they were to me. I’m simply being firm with my boundaries.Can anyone else relate?

Discipline

How are we correcting unwanted behaviors? My LO is almost 18 months (10/6) and is already having tantrums. Thankfully they’re short. She’ll lay herself down if she can (instead of throwing herself to the ground lol) or just cry for a quick moment. To me, it’s normal for her age and I try not to acknowledge it so she’s not encouraged to continue for the attention. However, my mom and grandma believe she’ll need to start getting poppings in order to stop them. “If your child does xyz then they’re bad.” I guess I want to use more of a mindful approach in parenting? I’m thinking long term how it’ll teach her that negative emotions aren’t allowed when that’s not true. Idk I just feel like I’m on an island when it comes to this. I want different so I have to do different. I don’t want an entitled child but I also don’t want a child who was beaten into submission if that makes sense. Would love any book recommendations as well

Lunch Ideas

Eating lunch has been a hard task for me. That is usually the time of day that my baby girl is the fussiest so I end up not eating due to not feeling like I have time. Any ideas of easy to make/eat lunches while taking care of fussy newborn? I want to eat better so I don’t get as lightheaded and dizzy.

I resent being a bonus mom

I met my partner at 37, after years of praying for a husband and children. When we met our relationship escalated quickly. He was newly divorced and had three kids. I understood his availability was different than all the men I had been with prior (none had children) but there is so much you don’t know about being with a man with kids and ex-wife, you only learn while being in the relationship.

My partner and I have two children, a two year old and 3 month old. We moved in with my mom a year and a half ago so we could buy a house. We have yet to be able to and I’m going a bit mad with our circumstances. I have my own business and ever since having my first child my business has taken a back seat. The stresses from home and now 5 kids has depleted me and my focus to make money feels slim. I want to earn a living and have my own money but my ability to work with a toddler and baby is challenging. I have resentment because I didn’t realize how much I would grieve not being a first time family. My partners 3 kids share my old bedroom at my mothers while my partner and two babies and I sleep in one room.

My partners kids youngest I don’t have many issues with but the oldest I have a hard time with being around. The habits of the older kids is hard to live with and I fear my younger ones will adopt similar behavior or habits that don’t align with how I envisioned raising my kids (screen time, eating with hands, and a list of other things). I try and focus on their good qualities but still have a hard time accepting how un natural this feels for me at times.

Sometimes I want out but I love my partner. Lately I keep thinking that the best thing for me to do is disconnect a bit. Focus on my two little ones and myself. Try and figure out how to earn more money and better the living conditions. It’s a lot to buy a home and afford all the things and sometimes I want to do it alone to avoid all the un natural aspects of a blended family. Then I think about what I’d be taking away from my kids and how hard it be without my partner.

feeding solids???

my LO is 9.5 months and is 90% breastfed. i don’t mind at all but i feel like he should be eating more “meals” at this point. we feed him food off of our plates, but he barely eats anything and often times throws it up immediately. i’m just not sure what i should and shouldn’t be feeding him. HELP