Mother in law

Legally where do I stand in terms of my mother in law having unsupervised contact with my child?

(Uk based)

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I don't believe Grandparents have any rights in the UK

I'm assuming you're not with the father for this to be a problem you wouldn't just work out together. But as far as I'm aware while grandparents have no legal rights, you can't stop the kids spending time with whoever the father wants them too on his time. Obviously if there are safety concerns those need to be flagged and seen by a court but if you just don't like them then I don't think there's anything you can do.

My husband has been allowing unsupervised visits in secret. From what i know of his childhood and to date his Mother is extremely toxic and I do not want her installing behaviours on my child that she has given my husband, I have tried to have a conversation about this but he is defensive over her. I’m unsure where I stand or what I can do to prevent this from happening again?

Having Googled it apparently grandparents can apply to court for a child arrangements order

Thank you! I was struggling to find any information UK based

I think that's only if the parents have died or something really serious has happened though. Grandparents don't have any rights here.

I don't think this is so much a mother in law problem... it's a husband problem. If she's really that bad then he needs to do the work to see that and protect his kids. It totally depends on what the behaviours are that you're worried about though tbh. If it's just something you don't like but isn't unsafe or harmful then you might have to live with it.

Hmmm yes, I see what you’re saying. There have been stories mentioned to me of when my husband was a baby he was taken to a house party and left in a cot upstairs, it wasn’t until the end of the night that his Mum realised everyone had piled their coats on top of the cot (not realising he was in there), his auntie looking after him when he was a few weeks old and because he wouldn’t settle in the bed with her, his mum advised to put him downstairs on the sofa (these have been mentioned in jest, so god knows what happened which isn’t spoken about or seen as a ‘funny story’). Lots of unsafe practices with her children. My husband has always had minimal contact with her, up until we had our child to which they have started a relationship. I think he is so happy that she is showing him some interest that he is behaving in a way to appease her. She regularly disregards my ‘rules’, my little one is drinking 5oz yet she fed him 8oz last time they were there which resulted in a lot of sickness

When we were in newborn phase and I was constantly worrying about overheating she sat with the baby on her lap, on the floor practically nose touching the log burner. She consistently buys age inappropriate toys (baby walking harness at 3 months)

I’m fully aware this is a husband issue, but to be honest he has shown he is especially unsupportive of my boundaries, and I think this behaviour is just another issue that has stemmed from his poor upbringing and ‘mum issues’. We are having a multitude of issues and this one I think is the most complex. I want to know where I stand if I do need to put my foot down, and take the option away.

this is all very unlikely though as there are so many hoops to jump through and they still have no legal rights to access the child unless all these boxes have been ticked in court.

So essentially, if Incognito wanted to keep the mother in law away then she could legally do so... but she'd need to stop the husband giving her access. That's why it feels like a husband problem to me. They need to communicate!

Legally there is nothing you can do. Dad has PR (I assume he is on the birth certificate) so he can let who ever he wants look after his child.
Even if you separated there would be nothing you could do. Only chance of being able to block her from seeing your child would be if she was reported for abusing your child or maybe one of you 2

You could get to know her on your time and build a relationship

@Caroline Oh I agree, I was just surprised it was possible at all.
OP you definitely need to sort this out with your husband first and foremost.

When is this happening? Whilst you are at work etc?

in our community

NHS job

Anyone work for the NHS and does 12 hour shifts? How do you work around childcare and your partners job?

He has no respect for anything to do with me.

Husband and I decided to separate 3 days ago. I've been sleeping on the floor in the kids room, and we both have to stay in the same apartment for a while. He wont stop pushing little things and I am reaching my limit. Photos in comments

Toddlers

How often are your toddlers asking for food? My oldest who is 3 just finished a whole plate of food and not even 10 minutes later he’s requesting more food. I know he’s going through a growth spurt, but how do you respond to this.

Is this normal?

Is it just my husband that does this? He is able to work from home via his computer and in the mornings and evenings he is on there doing his job. When he is done for the day he tends to stay in the room and either play video games or watch something. He will occasionally come out and play with the girls for a few minutes and that’s it but when I really need him he says he is busy. My daughters are both 1 year old now and I am just wondering how much involvement should he have with them now?
Idk if this is the norm or not…..

Identity crisis?

Am I the only sahm who feels like they have lost their identity??? I don’t make money for my family, when I used to make great money. But I refuse to drop my under a year old baby off with strangers.
My husband works so much. But I have no control over bringing in money and I’m a control freak type of person! I feel l like I’m losing my grip because we are kind of broke, but day care would only eat up my income anyways! So what’s the point. I’m a workaholic and now I’m just a twitching bum.
I wish I could work from home but so far that’s a fake dream. I’m almost 9 months pp, and I just need to know these awful mood swings and depression will end soon! Send wine!

Saying NO to buying toys etc

5 year old is getting really envious of others. He is obsessed with items that other kids have at school. I am pestered daily to buy these things in a different style when we already have 3 others. I have seen parents just buying stuff their kid likes which I don't necessarily agree with even when i can afford it. How do you deal with it?