Hoping I can get some advice.

My other half and I have had quite the argument this morning. It’s not the first and it’s always exactly the same. I just need some help/advice/support to help me figure out what to do.

My little one does football on Saturday mornings at 8:45am as long as my OH isn’t working it’s something for them to do together. This in theory is meant to be my only opportunity for a lie in. LO woke this morning at 7am which is great for him. I got him a bottle of milk and we had some cuddles in his bed while he woke up properly and he went through to his dad and I fell asleep.

LO woke me up upset at 8:15, OH was angry because he was running late and trying to get him ready. I said to him to calm down as his tone of voice was upsetting him, I proceeded to finish dressing him. OH snapped at me saying LO has missed me all morning and is being a pain. I said to him, it’s only been an hour he’s fine.

LO started crying as OH took him downstairs and began shouting at him and I said that LO is not going to stop crying and cooperate with him being like that and he just shouted out me saying it was my f***ing fault and I shouldn’t stay up reading at night then claim I’m tired.

I went and rode my horse and picked up some free wood for a project we are doing next week. I was home by 10:30. I asked how football was and he said awful, we only stayed for 15 mins. I apologised. He had a go at me saying I should be getting up and getting him ready to go and spending time with him as he screams the whole way there otherwise and then I spend all morning messing around with my horse. Then he started saying I let LO have too much screen time, his speech is delayed and he’s emotionally immature.

I argued back saying I’m trying my best, the horse is my only me time and I try my best to be as quick as I can and that it’s my only opportunity for lie in every week.

For context I work as a teaching assistant for 7-9 year olds. I work 23 hours a week. I get up every morning and get myself, LO and dogs sorted, take him to nursery, feed my horse and go straight to work, 3x a week when I finish at 1pm I go straight to collect from nursery and look after him until well bed time usually. The other 2x a week I finish at 3pm and I go home/ ride the horse and pick up from nursery before 6pm. Then look after LO till bed time. I’m pretty burnt out by the holidays and my routine changes very little apart from not going to work, I clean the house and do jobs that need doing. I have no friends in the area and my family are a 4.5hour drive away.

I understand my OH works long stressful hours as a vet and provides for us (my wages cover my horse/my personal bills and pet insurance and I am wiped out) but all I ask in 1 lie in 3x a month and my me time with my horse (probably around 4 hours a week, sometimes a little longer). In the evenings my OH goes to the gym (around 8 hours a week)

I feel my only option to try and keep the peace and help the arguments is to sell my horse. However without him I have nothing, he is my sanity, my well… everything. I used to work with horses before LO and changed my 10year career to work around LO better. Horses have been my everything for 22 years, I genuinely don’t know who I am without them. But without the horse it would eliminate how tight money is for us.

I just don’t know what to do, I’m so alone and feel like the biggest failure.

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It doesn’t sound like the problem is the horse which is a great thing for you! Your LO can sense your OH getting angry and gets more worked up. Can you have a conversation and get OH buy in for a plan for next Saturday and teach him some strategies for being calm in the morning getting LO ready?

Don’t sell your horse you will regret it and he should be understanding of that! To be honest I don’t I get any free time I always have my little one I work 30 hours a week until 1.30 then I have my little one until bedtime because my partner works until 10pm 4 days out the week.. can you maybe put your horse on loan for extra money maybe?🤷🏼‍♀️ that way your not selling just loaning your horse out and just get them to pay a loan fee. If it was me I wouldn’t sell my horse if I had one😂 would rather sell my car.
I get a lie in if it’s my weekend off. But he shouldn’t rely on you to get the little one ready all the time though, can I ask do you and your partner do anything together like go on dates ect?

I’m only asking because my partner was getting frustrated we weren’t getting much time together just with our work schedule so we meet every week when I’m working and have lunch together which has helped us massively.

Your not a failure your being a mum trying to balance everything.

Your horse isn’t the problem. Getting your OH to recognise you are equally responsible for LO as parents is. You deserve you time and he needs to learn to manage LO on his own. If you start helping more he will never learn.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. The fact that you’re considering selling your horse is awful. Sounds more like you should consider getting rid of your other half. But in all seriousness have you sat down with your OH and discussed this all with him calmly? Explained how important your horse are and that you really need the lie ins? Calmly without LO around? Or do you feel like he wouldn’t listen anyway? X

I can relate to feeling lonely as I’m over an hour away from family and don’t have any real friendships after moving to the area my partner lives in! You are by no means a failure!! X

yes we have had multiple conversations about how much the horse means to me. He was even the one who suggested I got one when I was really struggling mentally when we first moved to this area. We discussed the lie in’s when we were looking for something he and LO could bond over and do.

no we don’t but this is mainly because he won’t pay for a babysitter or pay to eat out and our spaniel isn’t good with strangers.

I tried a part loan last year and it was horrendous and much more hassle on many accounts. So OH and I agreed not to try to find another. X

we have had many conversations about it and I’ve given him multiple strategies and suggestions. X

Ahh I see. It’s up to him to find something that works for him and stop blaming you. Maybe he can find another activity to do together or at a different time that he finds less stressful?

It’s deffo not your fault if your son is emotional. My son melts down all the time, doesn’t cooperate and I’ve noticed that my OH also has much more trouble coping with it than me!

It’s sad how dads always keep going to gym but mums have to battle and feel bad about their hobbies 😢

That’s really on him then 🤷🏼‍♀️ if you have your time then he has to respect that and allow you the time… he will just need to find a hobby himself, but he defiantly needs to help more with your little one respect works both ways. Yeh some dogs can be like that so makes it more difficult I suppose. Sit down and talk things over about how your feeling really make him listen he needs to understand.

I get that you don’t need to add more stress… don’t get rid of your horse end of the day the horse is your baby too x

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I've finally done it

I have finally done it. I have finally become the trope, the stereotype.

I have become bitter, resentful, and very overwhelmed and overloaded. I am very unhappy and hit burnout. And I snapped at my husband last night. I work full-time, and work has been very busy so im working late a lot. Im also in grad school. I also have a toddler that has become VERY clingy with me. My husband works shorter days but commutes, so he usually gets home after me by an hour or more. When he gets home, he usually heads to the restroom for at least 30 mins when he gets home. And now my toddler doesnt want anything to do with him. So im doing all the toddler duties until bed. I dont get 5 mins to myself. Not for almost 2 years. I finally hit my wall. I have also, somehow, become my MILs medical ride service and she somehow has an appt every week, it seems?! Shes not sick!! My husband was complaining that he needs to change routine to fit in a workout sometimes, and I lost it. I have been BEGGING for 5 mins to myself for months. I have been telling him how im not good, im going to burn out for months. And between his attitude and him complaining (which really got me b/c he blames me for not being able to work out?! Saying I need help when he gets home so he just cant workout now) I just lost it completely. I told him how unfair my life has become and I have the entire mental and emotional load and it is just not fair. He got mad at me and said "hes trying" when hes literally not trying at all. What do I do?? No one is taking the load from me! And im done and dont know what to do now.
I do not like this version of me.

AITA?

This isn't a major issue, just wondering if I'm being a bit of an asshole.

• I do shift work, 5 out of 7 days, full-time.
• My partner works from home (mostly, sometimes he goes into the office) M-F, full-time.

Anyway, whenever I have a day off during the week he gets in his feelings when I make myself food (breakfast and lunch) but not him. His reason is he's working, I'm not - Which is fair but I've asked him how many times on a weekend has he gotten up, on his day off and made me breakfast and a lunch to take with me to work? You guessed it, 0.

So basically, just because I'm at home I don't think the responsibility to feed him should automatically fall on me when he manages to feed himself just fine while I'm at work.

Big vent!

Hi mums.
I'm a first time mum in my 40s to twin boys.They are almost 5 months old and the biggest miracle in my life!
I am struggling!!!
I'm pretty sure I have ppa as my pregnancy was a very high risk and all I remember was crying from anxiety of all the ifs!Thankfully even born at 35 weeks and skinny,didn't need iu time.
My husband is not helping much because he's always too busy with work.He will "look" after them usually between 8pm-12am so I can have a chance to sleep.
He expects me to just sleep when I touch the pillow,even though I hear tje babies crying and him don't really bother because most of the times he'll be on his laptop working.
When I tell him I can't relax to fall asleep because I feel you r neglecting the babies,he says I'm the problem becauae I'm always there with them and don't give them alone time!!
I am angry!!I am furious!!
I can't keep.up.with housework becauae someone alwaya neess me and most of the times they nap I either cook and clean tje kitchen,do laundry or try and take a quick nap.
He doesn't help.around the house,becauae..guess what?always super busy.
I asked him nicely we could clean the house together every Saturday morning so it's easier and quicker for both of us and he said no,because he has a lot of work but probably wants to sleep until 12 or 2.
2 days ago a button of his coat ripped and I told him I'll sew it these days.
Earlier this morning while running late for his work,as always,he weara the coat and told him didn't get the chance to fix the button and sarcastically said..of.course u didn't!!!
I spent all night awake because one of the babies had congested nose and we've been trying to reduce one fees at night.
I wanted to punch him!!He left and I started crying...I cry so much,even at 5 months pp...
I can't go on like this anymoreeeee...
The crying in my ears is constant..my head is always numb..I've gained so much weight and can't find the strength to get back on track..
Even if I try to.find a therapist to just talk,is it gonna help?I really don't know😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Avoidant husband

I love my husband and he is a good man. We have some issues in our relationship however, as he has an avoidant attachment style (finds romance/intimacy/being emotional difficult). This comes from him having to be independent from a young age and having quite an abusive mother.
The issues in our relationship are mainly around a lack of sex and intimacy. I think the problem is that to feel turned on, I need to feel connected and wanted. My husband (being avoidant) will usually make jokes about being horny whereas I would want to have someone make me feel beautiful/sexy to get in the mood.
It sounds terrible but I've sometimes had dreams about exes that would make me feel this way, and the romance we had (eye contact, intensity, deep words). It makes me feel really guilty but I feel like i'm starved of that. My husband would like a lot more sex but I can't always force myself if I'm not feeling it.
We've spoken a bit about therapy but I know its often really expensive so we probably wouldn't be able to afford it. Do you have any suggestions please? I know that neither of us are wrong in what we want, just different but I'm scared about whether we can fix it or if we're doomed?

Toddler snacks in the morning ?

Hey.

My 14m is clearly going through a growth spurt. He’s a fussy eater but recently started having two breakfasts with the childminder and that’s even after milk in the morning.

He wakes at 6am and we leave around 7:05am. Has 6oz when he wakes but then is seemly hungry looking for snacks before we leave. The only issue is, he’s a fussy eater and won’t sit and eat fruit etc so struggling to think what I can give him that’s suitable.

Any fussy eater suitable ideas of what I can make or get him to snack on whilst we finish getting ready to get out the door?