I've finally done it

You’re not alone and none of this is your fault! Recommend your husband resources like “zachmentalloadcoach” on IG and TAKE what you need. You don’t ask for permission, you just say “hey, I have an appointment at 6pm every Tuesday now, you need to sort out dinner and do bed time”. And then you do whatever you want, a workout class, a walk by yourself, girls night. Then you plan a weekly lie in. Like “every Saturday I will not do any care work until 9:30am. I expect you to get up with our toddler without waking me up”.

There is nothing wrong about that and about communicating without “sorry, but” and “can you please”. You can only look after others when you look after yourself 💖 fingers crossed it all works out!

Well, I have been called insensitive for a calling a guy immature because he told a post partum wife he misses video games so I am going to be gentle here. A lot of men don’t understand until they experience how you feel. Since my child was born I made sure she spent some time with her father alone so that he knows how difficult it is and doesn’t see me as a someone that is just chilling home with a kid. Is there way you can speak to him and see if he can spend some time with your toddler alone when you go out? You can start with a walk to a shop and see how it goes. Most men then say…. ‘Oh crap this is hard’ and help more

That’s what happens when you have no support. Time to make a schedule, there’s no reason for it to all be on you. My husband gets home from work and takes the boys, cooks, and does his chores. I’m free to go out when he’s home and invest in myself. It’s time to shake things up because you are only harming yourself and your family suffers. You both work but he still allows you to have to deal with everything??

Stop begging for 5 minutes, and TAKE a couple of hours. Your husband doesn’t seem to respect you or even SEE you and that would be a dealbreaker for me.

My husband is definitely not abusive or manipulative. He is a fully involved father. Just not a great husband right now. Normally, he is very intuitive and aware of where I am emotionally. It just feels like lately I've been invisible and asking for help. He said he needs help too 😑 he says hes burned out too (i dont see how! He has plenty of self care time in his long bathroom breaks and his 3 hour daily train commute). He makes it seem if I take time for myself, something else will have to be sacrificed. Or he has to sacrifice. I just dont know. 2 things are in conflict here - hes a great father and involved and loves time with our toddler, but... it seems like im not as important now and carrying the load. He is a good dad but bad husband?

First let's get you out of MIL duty. Set her up with Uber until she can find an actual senior service rideshare program. It was nice of you to take this on, but you can't continue. If your husband needs to take half days off of work to do it, maybe he can use the extra time to go to the gym. Next let's split those bedtime duties. Your toddler will protest, but really they will protest either way. It is the toddler way, and if it's not this, it would be something else. Let him choose 3 days a week (at least 2 weekdays) where he puts your child to bed. Either leave the house or lock yourself in your room and don't come out for crying. You have to let him handle it or it won't stick. If he needs something have him text. Last for now is to find someone to talk to about this regularly. Do you have someone you can call and chat with when things get hard? This is a challenging season of life and if your husband isn't your person, you need someone (ideally more than one person) that you can share you load with.

I had to say it straight out to my partner. “I am not okay I am struggling”. He said I was snappy and I said I am struggling so hard that I feel like I’m a train headed for a brick wall. I am currently sick and he was on baby duty and I walked past while he was changing her to go to the bathroom and he said “now that you’re here” and so I said straight out “no I’m so sick you can handle an hour” he handled it till she fell asleep