Me and my ex best friend

I’ve been both. I struggled with fertility and had to watch many friends fall pregnant and have kids while I was mentally processing my infertility and miscarriage. My son was a miracle who kickstarted fertility so I’m now fortunate enough to be expecting my second.

But not everyone is also fortunate and I really do count myself lucky every day!

It’s hard for her. Ordinarily I am sure she would LOVE your child and LOVE being around them. But seeing your child reminds her of what she will never be able to have for herself. Obviously mothers are made through many forms including adoption and surrogacy, but the pain is different when you feel it in your gut that you want your own flesh and blood and it seems everyone around you can have it but you can’t.


Pt1

I don’t think it’s as easy as you assume it is for her to just let you drift apart. She is protecting herself: being around you hurts her more than being away from you because she knows that she could never not be sad around you because you have that one thing she doesn’t feel she can live without.

I know it must be really hard for you. You’ve done nothing wrong in having your child, but she can’t see your happiness above her hurt. That’s not her fault either. Grief is difficult. She may not have lost a child but she has lost that feeling of being able to have her own and so she has to go through all the stages of grief before she accept it. Acceptance is hard especially in a case like this.

I would send another message. Just tell her you love her. You’re there for her. You know she must be hurting and that you’re there for her no matter what. She will appreciate knowing that you still care. But she probably can’t bring herself to accept your help right now and that’s ok.

It's possible that she will come around, but only when she's ready. If not, you'll both have to make peace with that because friends can grow apart for one reason or another. I had a friend that either didn't want kids or maybe couldn't, so she posted anti kid stuff often. They were jokes, but I think she was just protecting herself maybe? 🤷 Sometimes people can meet in the middle and some are just too different. Change isn't easy, but it is necessary sometimes. It's certainly inevitable that things will change, but acceptance doesn't come so easily for us. It's probably healthier for both of you to have distance. Sorry you both can't have what you want right now. ❤️

Are you consumed by your child? Do you agree or disagree with this comment? I have had no children in past but was fine hanging out with friends that did even when I couldn't have one. She shouldn't be jealous or bitter, it's not your fault at the end of the day. As long as you have been a good friend and just consumed by your child then that's fine.

Imagine if you were going through something and started giving her dry responses? Would she like it, nope. No matter what is going on in our personal lives, that can't be used as an excuse to be horrible to others. Adults are not teenagers. I hope she apologises and learns to value your friendship.

well as a single mum I am pretty consumed by her my world revolves around her and unfortunately I am not willing to prioritise people higher than my daughter. She was willing to distance herself from me and unfriend me because of this and those were her words

Fair enough makes sense she has distanced then