Difference of opinion - 'giving in' to toddler demands

This is an example but we have similar clashes about toddlers tantrums and how to deal with them.

Our 3 year old had a huge tantrum in public. We managed to get her in the car but she was still calming down when we arrived home. I had to go in the house straight away when we got home to feed the baby and other half was supposed to get our toddler out of the car. Toddler won't let dad get her out and is demanding me. He is saying I should not get her out and give in to her but I'm concerned she is so worked up.

Currently still feeding whilst listening to her shout mama from the car ( dad is supervising her ).

We disagree on a lot when it comes to parenting, if makes it so much more difficult.

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I would leave daddy to deal with it. She's smart and trying to play one off the other. My 3 year old does the same. She will calm down eventually she's just angry she's not getting what she wants and that's ok too, but she's learning to regulate that emotion.

I agree with Dad. When you “give in” to kids all the time, they get more worked up when something doesn’t go their way. It’s okay for them to learn not everything will go the way they want it to, they can throw tantrums at first but will eventually calm down.

It depends what the demand is for me. If my daughter was rudely screaming that she wanted me and not her dad, either me or him would help her calm down first, and then coach her to be able to ask nicely. To me the problem isn't that she wants a particular person, it's the rude way she's demanding rather than asking

Thanks all, worthwhile hearing other people's perspectives

For this particular situation, in my mind me and my husband are completely interchangeable, so even if my son is screaming for me, I will leave it to Dad to take him out, calm him, distract him, etc. I don’t want this culture that everyone should give up important things and run to the toddler.
In general, when deciding whether to give in to a demand or not, I think how much dedicated, uninterrupted, playful and affectionate time I have spent with my son today. I imagine it like if his cup is full and I have given him a lot of attention and play time, then I can afford to be stricter when I’m really busy with something afterwards. If I was busy all day and didn’t have much quality time for him, then fair enough he is screaming, I would give in and make him feel happy

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