How do you forgive him for cheating?

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This is a hard one my husband emotionally cheated on me two years ago and it still sneaks up on me at times even though I feel like I forgive him certain things trigger me

My biggest question is does he value you …?
After his apology (or however you found out that he cheated), did you feel like he valued you and your partnership for valid reasons that you agree with or do you feel that he is in the relationship with you for purely self beneficing reasons

What was his apology like?

Hi Brooke thank you for reaching out. Yea I understand it’s like you try to figure and move on and somehow the thought pops in or you get triggered by something you see or hear. It’s torture.

Hi Kristin thank you for reaching out. Honestly most time I talk to him about the pain of it all his reaction is to get upset. Later he might apologize and calm down. But that has been my issue I say you don’t value how I feel or respect me enough to take in consideration of how I feel and what I’m going through. Although sometimes I think he understands he literally blew up at me just now for bringing it up because “I thought we were happy”, he says. Men will never forgive us but when we forgive them they act like we should never ever be fazed by it again.

Sorry for the long message and thank you again ladies.

You hit it right on the nail on him being defensive. It’s really tough. Thank you for your input.

private message me I can tell you more about it

You don’t, the relationship will never be the same and you’ll never trust him again, it’s unhealthy to be checking his phone and location and is going to make for a very toxic relationship even though it’s not your fault and I don’t blame you! You also need to know it’s not your fault he cheated at all and it’s so unfair that you now feel like you have to do more to stop him cheating when it’s nothing to do with you and all his problem! I know you love him but you deserve so much better, the relationship likely died the minute he chose to cheat & he will likely do it again because he thinks he can get away with it. When someone cheats and you chose to stay with them, you have to make sure you can actually forgive and move on otherwise it turns toxic and it’s never the same x

Wow this is the gut wrenching honesty of the situation. I don’t know if I can ever forgive. We are going for counseling so I’m grateful for that. But I feel like I’m already mourning the death of this relationship while I’m still with him. It’s so sad. Thank you for response. 🙏

I'm sorry you're going through this. I personally couldn't forgive after cheating. He might feel like you're in a good place but you are still hurt and you should be able to voice the hurt he has caused. You could try therapy, might be good for you both to get it all out in the open. Has he ever said why he did it in the first place? Even if you try and make sure he doesn't do it again, surely he should be the one making it up to you and making sure you know and feel like he wouldn't do it again. It doesn't matter if you do everything you possibly can to make him not cheat, if he wants to do it he will. Sorry if that is too harsh. Remember he hasn't done it because of something you have or haven't done and it's not your fault x

Yea thank you so much. I agree with everything and no it’s not too harsh. It really is the sad truth. Now I can see why women would stay I always kind of judge them on why they would stay. But most times it isn’t worth it to stay.