New single mums / mums struggling/ single mums

I wish I could take it all back

I was so stupid and young when I had my son. I got pregnant with him at 20 and gave birth at 21. It was unplanned but I really felt like I could handle it and I had the right person. Fast forward to my son being 4 months and 3 hears later my ex is 28,000 behind in child support and does absolutely nothing when it comes to our child. Completely absent. I was a 19 year old girl that ran off to new york after dropping out of college and genuinely loving the LIFE OF MY DREAMS. I made my very best friends, lost all the weight I wanted to, making decent money, and enjoying my freedom! Then I landed on a guy I now know was a truly evil human being in every way. He quite literally ruined my life. Theres no other way to slice it. Ive been abandoned with a child, i deal with tantrums, making meals, and bedtime routines when im not working like a mad person. Dating? HA. Anytime I get sometime to “myself” it is quite literally spent doing all the things I cant do when im not parenting or working. Nothing is relaxing or exciting about my life. Its all about not drowning and staying alive. My life was wonderful. Absolutely beautiful. And I totally blew it. I dont even know the point anymore sometimes. Has anyone ever been in this place and seen things differently? Is it even possible? Is it possible to actually find a zest for life anymore as a single mom? There are spurts of happiness, but it is few and far between. I just dont know anymore and im heartbroken at the fact im trapped in this and I cant change it.

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You need to forgive yourself! Unfortunate situations will happen but you need to figure out why it happened. What could you have done better as far as choosing a boyfriend. This moment of your like may be difficult but understand that everything you see that happens s happens for a reason. There is something God is wanting to tell you through this situation. Listen and let him lead you moving forward

I appreciate that! Ive definitely analyzed a million times before what I didnt take into consideration with my ex, but that hasnt helped me feel any better about things like it may for other people. I take accountability for how I contributed by choosing him, but he was a pretty masterful manipulator as well that only became abusive while I was around 7 months. I honestly feel like God has forgotten me, if he is even there, and often wonder what I did to deserve this position and this treatment, but that is a conversation for another day I guess lol.

God will never leave you or forsake you. your days will get better and your child will grow more independent. I have a newfound respect for single moms after becoming one and being raised by one, and I promise you it gets better. I truly understand the pain of realizing your child's father is a self-centered, irresponsible narc, try to focus on the blessings as much as you can. your child needs a happy momma.

Jesus loves you. One thing that I figured out is that God loves single mom because we take care of his children. I made a lot of mistakes and I have those same feelings as far as how did I mess up everything I worked so hard for. But the reality is nothing is messed up it just looks a bit differently. We can talk about this more reach out whenever and I’ll give you the blueprint that has helped me. My daughter is 2 years old. Life goes on we have to keep pushing. Keep getting better. Keep working towards our goals and follow Jesus because he has a perfect plan for your life

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Wdy think of this for a toddler to learn word construction?

I'm open to anything else to start teaching him to read and write. He's 3!

Do men really enjoy fellatio?

Been together more than 10 years, but it's been a while since he even seemed remotely interested in me getting on my knees, or vice versa so to speak. I think it was once last year. Must be something I am doing wrong 🤔. Generally everything else in that department is great and we have two young kids with no extra support, so it's quite surprising we can't keep our hands off each other but may need to try new things. It's basically 2 positions each time with some foreplay.

I think Motherhood has made me more bitter than I realized…

This is such a ramble but I don’t know where else to put it all.

I’m four months in and I don’t really have hobbies right now. I don’t do anything for myself except maybe doomscrolling or listening to a podcast while I breastfeed my baby. I used to craft and have game nights with friends. Activities that usually are at least 2 hour stretches. Now if I have an hour free my mind immediately goes to baby, or doing something in the house for baby.

And I thought I didn’t mind. Like I knew postpartum could be very mentally consuming. But I think it’s altering how I view people around me and it’s prodding at my relationship with my husband.

He spends most of his time making food for us, looking after our dogs, playing with the baby, ect. But he still has time for his hobby. Spends maybe an hour a night on it. Even adapted to using a bot for shopping for his hobby after a certain incident where we had to have a heart to heart after he left me home alone with the baby for hours during a busy workday (I work from home) to shop for his hobby.

And yet there’s like this little green eyed monster in me that rages every time I know he’s running off to start up the bot. Even though I’m the reason he does it this way.

We took a family trip last weekend to see his best friend and their kids and let them meet the baby. He brought the laptop. He’s always brought a laptop on trips and it’s never been a problem to me before. But one night we both woke up while the baby was still asleep, and he wandered out of the room. I tried to fall back asleep but couldn’t. So I went to the kitchen to try having something warm to drink to settle me. And he was there at the table running the bot from his laptop. I flipped out at him. But there really wasn’t reason to. It’s not like I needed help with the baby and he was ignoring me. He wasn’t avoiding our friends. He was just awake and unable to sleep and found something to do with his time. Yet my snap reaction was “why the hell would you do this on a family trip?”

I don’t know what it is. Maybe it’s the less complete sleep from baby’s middle of the night feed? My brain being just consumed by baby? Maybe I’m not as over that shopping incident as I thought? But I’m just so annoyed at his hobby right now. The green eyed monster thinks “you could be using that time differently” but realistically to do what exactly??? Stare at our baby in the dark???

I spent probably an hour apologizing to him after I snapped. And he’s of course hurt and frustrated because I said some very mean things in the moment.

I don’t want to be this jealous, angry person. But I also don’t know how to find time for myself in this right now outside of basic hygiene. It’s like I’ve forgotten how to be myself, even if just for an hour.

Maybe I need a therapist.

Naps

How is everyone doing for naps?

Little one is 9 months old and will have 2 half hour naps and one solid 1 hour - 2 hour nap a day

Then settles for night around 9pm. Wakes for a feed around 3:30 then sleeps until 6-7

Vaccination advice

I’m really looking for advice and opinions on vaccines for my baby. I’m not against getting them but also just don’t feel like I know enough about them to make a decision just yet as I’ve had people say to me they don’t agree with them and they can cause issues etc… so I just want as much info as possible. What are everyone’s thoughts and experiences of vaccinating your child? I’m just interested to see everybody’s views (no judgement as I just want to know I’m doing the right thing) thank you x

Vanilla extract

Has anyone used alcohol free vanilla in their babies formal to help them drink?
I’m 100% sure my baby refuses her bottles as she doesn’t like the taste of it!

Just anxious to try it, don’t want her to get used to it and then refuse bottles again after two weeks of using (correct me if I’m wrong but I’ve read you use it for 2 weeks max)

TIA 🙂