So Tired of My Husband Adding His 2 Cents When He Doesn't Even Help.....
Husband and I have been struggling with our son's (12m old) sleep for well...12 months now lol. We finally got him to go down and stay down for the most part or just need a quick cuddle, I stopped night feeds after my husband kept pressuring me (it was the right this to do but I wish he hadn't badgered me to stop nightly breastfeeds as if he had anything at all to do with it). Anyway, he's been going through a regression I think and he's been screeching his head off when I put him down... he's fine when I pick him up and snuggles into me and fall asleep so I put him down and then he screeches. I usually set a timer for a few minutes to let him see he is okay, especially because he's clearly exhausted and doesn't really want me to keep picking him up I don't think at least....just tired and still learning he can just..sleep? Lol.
My husband said I was being cruel and I can't just let him screech...which in my experience, with two kids (4years and 1year), sometimes they screech just because they want you to come running, not because something is actually wrong if that makes sense? Which I told him.. he kept going on and on about go get him go get him...so I finally turned to him and said I wish he would just let me handle this, especially since I've been doing this for a year now with our son and he (husband) has not helped..I said I'm tired of him nudging me in the night and telling me to do this and that and adding his 2 cents when he has nothing to do with it.... So husband said, "okay fine then I'm going to insert myself then so I have a say" and I took that as he is going to go comfort our baby himself...great, right? No, my mistake.
So he brought the baby out of his room to the living room where we were, and sat on the couch with him...of course, as soon as baby saw me he went ballistic and only wanted me...which my husband KNOWS. I said "fine, just give him to me" and got annoyed because he did it on purpose... Husband got all smug and shrugged, saying "well! What was I supposed to do?! I told you I was going to insert myself!!!" So I told him I thought he meant go in there and comfort him back to sleep himself not deliberately bring him out so he sees me and wants me so then husband doesn't have to deal with it?? (Which btw is not the first time husband has offered to "help" at night then purposely showed him me so he freaks out cause he wants me and I would have to take him instead). So I called him out and said that was extremely manipulative. Then husband got smug again and said "oh, well you didn't give me specific instructions for what you wanted me to do so I brought him out here" to which I got pissed off and told him to 1. Grow up?? And 2. We have TWO kids and he can't figure out how to comfort them and put them to bed by himself??? And then I said, "are you stupid or just being manipulative?" To which he got extremely angry about and said he can't believe I just called him stupid...which I didn't really...I asked IF he was stupid or manipulative, which was mostly a rhetorical question because clearly he's not stupid and knows full well what he was doing...
Anyway, it's not about getting my baby. I've done that for years. It's about the fact that he 1. Messes with my routine/way I handle things (which btw I've tried so many different things so I know the ways that work best) when he doesn't even actually help...he just has an opinion which he thinks is right above mine yet he doesn't actually know anything or do anything??? And 2. His "help" is him deliberately making my life more difficult and finding manipulative ways to pass the kids on to me so he doesn't have to do it but doing it in a way he can say "oh, well they don't want me..they want you!!". It's so frustrating!!! And now he's being passive aggressive to me because I called him stupid???
Anyways idk if I just wanted to rant or wanted advice but if you read this and have an opinion on the matter feel free to comment it lol...and yes I'm aware this entire situation is beyond stupid. 🤦🏼♀️
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As the kids' dad he's got a right to his opinions, sure. But he's going about it all wrong. He can't just judge you if he's not going to make an effort to help you. He shouldn't judge you at all!
I did some crazy pointless stuff with my newborn weeks after he was born because I was exhausted and my partner, yes, probably judged me but didn't say a damn word because I was the one waking up with the baby every 2 hours.
It sounds like you're taking on most of the baby responsibility and now it sounds like you have 2 babies! That's not what you need. You need a partner who will pick up where you left off or do the work when you've run out of steam.
Tell him to stop being such a butt.
yes, exactly!! I am perfectly happy for him to have his opinions and to even parent in different ways than I do, in fact I encourage him to try his own approaches and see how they work for him... But my issue this time was that you can't add your opinions and two cents when you're not contributing anything..just sitting in your chair saying do this, do that. You don't get a say unless you're doing it, too.
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