TRIGGER WARNING - cheating

My fiancé and I recently separated as while on a work trip, I was unfaithful.

I am having such a hard time, because yes, I did sleep with someone else - HOWEVER, I was extremely drunk and feel I was taken advantage of. He is higher up in the company whereas I am at a much lower level. Multiple times I told him I was engaged and he came back saying he was in an open relationship. I remember leaving the bar, but don’t remember getting back to the hotel, riding the elevator to his room, and initiating anything. What I do remember is the roughness of it, and falling over atleast 4 times in the act. I then remember waking up in his room as he was throwing me my phone to put his number in. I woke up covered in bruises and my hair matted up.

How do I 1- deal with the guilt I feel for blowing up my relationship and 2- get over the fact that I am 80% sure I was raped.. and finally 3- deal with seeing this person at upcoming work events. I can’t bring it up to my boss as when it initially happened I told her it wasn’t anyone from the company, and that it was consensual…

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If you feel as though you were taken advantage of wouldn’t that change things for your fiance? Did you tell him about the bruises and memory loss?

I did, but I only realized this myself after going to therapy after a month of being separated. He also found some texts from me to the other guy and believes I was trying to start an affair when in reality I was so confused about what had just happened. I am not and have never been a one night stand girl…

That’s hard. I’m sorry

thanks. It’s been stressful as my entire life has been uprooted.

honestly it was back in April, and I don’t see this person often. I don’t want to go through the hassle because it’s my word against his, and I’m not even 100% sure it could be considered SA. The more I thought about it, the more I felt like I was taken advantage of. However I don’t believe he slipped anything in my drink.. I just drank too much.

I have a therapist and have been meeting with her regularly.

My (ex)fiancé knows everything I remember, however it took me almost a month to open up to him about it after he found out.

in our community

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(If you’re going to reply please keep your responses respectful and polite.)

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