AITA? Boogery Aggressive Godson
I feel horrible writing this post because I feel like I shouldn’t feel this way about a 3 year old, but my godson who is 3 and a half is quite a handful and now that I have a 6 month old it’s more pronounced. He is my SIL’s son and her and I have had a good relationship however it slightly took a downturn when she had him and became quite defensive with all of us around him and would tersely tell folks who were healthy and didn’t even offer to hold her son, to stay away from him. Think very helicopter parent. That being said he is an only child, very spoiled, and coddled, his style of playing is play fighting with other kids, and he is oversized and rough for his age. He is very excited about my son being his baby cousin, but is so rough, constantly slides into his play area and I have to watch out that my baby doesn’t get a concussion … I also got really pissed last month because my SIL invited us over and never told us he was sick (runny nose, coughing, sneezing) and our baby got sick, fever and everything, I was so pissed at her given how OCD she was about her son and thought it was inconsiderate of her not to mention “hey our son is sick and this might not be a good time to visit with the baby”. I did talk about it with my husband and mentioned it to him but I don’t think he’s taken me serious enough about this until this past weekend, when we visited them and he called me out and told me privately that I was being too curt with his nephew. I am assuming my in-laws complained to him because this time I was very vocal that he needed to be gentle and not kiss or drool over the baby. I told my husband the exact reasons why I had to step in and it’s because his sister was not parenting her child so I have to step in to protect our child, he admitted that his nephew was “intense” and that he didn’t want our baby hurt and I conceded that I would watch my tone with him, but I can’t help but being annoyed … am I being irrational here? I don’t want to lash out at a small child and I do love him, I am just prioritizing the wellbeing of my baby.
Should I even care that my SIL probably told my hubby to have a chat with me? I feel like I don’t care honestly because my child’s well being is my priority. Am I a jerk for correcting a 3 year old because he’s parents don’t check his behavior?
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NEVER feel bad about wanting to protect your child. 3 year olds don’t have awareness yet that they need to be gentle. 6 months is still very fragile compared to 3 years. I would be just as annoyed and upset, especially since you have vocalized your wishes and they have been ignored. My cousin’s kids are 3 and 1.5 and I don’t really let them around my 7 month old unless I’m sitting with them. Your husband should have a talk with his sister if this continues because she clearly forgot what it’s like to have a small baby.
You aren't the ass hole, and you have every reason to defend your baby. Your SIL should respect you as you respected her and her son when he was a baby. She can't be mad that you're establishing boundaries with her son because she's not taking the initiative to teach her child how to behave. I know 3 year olds are learning but she needs to put in the effort to teach her child how to behave. I also think it's funny that SIL tells your man to have a chat with you but he's not having a chat with her?? That's his baby too.
Let them be mad! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I have mixed feelings about this, probably because I have two children these exact ages (3 yrs and 7mo). Yes, the 3yo needs to be gentle with the infant, but that toddler is still a baby, too. If you have a problem with the kid, it is 100% a problem with the parents. A child that age is not responsible for his own actions yet.
If anyone was rude or mean to my son, I would be pissed. If you are just gently stepping in and setting and holding boundaries with the baby, then I think you are absolutely in the right. If you are taking out your frustration with the parents on their small child, then you might be the jerk here.
I have a 3yr old and a 7m old.
3 yr olds do not have awareness, but that doesn’t mean his parents can ‘chill’. If my 3yr old was near SOMEONE else’s baby, I’m hyper aware and conscious of her actions. My toddler is my responsibility and I don’t take it lightly.
I can say I’m a bit more lenient if my toddler is near her lil bro, cause they’re both my kids.
That being said, if my toddler was being talked to rudely, I’d call them out a 100%. As adults it’s our responsibility to be conscious of our own temperament around kids, even more if it’s with other’s kids.
You gotta have a chat with your SIL about being more aware of her toddler’s actions. It’s a tough conversation, if you feel like you were rude to her child, you can start by apologising. That way you set the tone for the conversation to be a little more respectful so it doesn’t derail into a fight.
Thanks for the reassurance and tips ladies. For some additional context i am recounting this from the point of view of my child being most at risk from another persons child who is not disciplined by their parents.
I never took out my frustration on him, yelled, or spoke to him rudely. I was however very vocal with him to please be gentle, no kissing, and no being rough with the baby. I wasn’t as vocal about it during our first trip and I think that’s the difference. I am completely aware it’s not his fault but more so my SILs whose parenting philosophy is “don’t give bad behavior attention so it doesn’t repeat itself”.
My baby got sick again with a fever after this second visit which was expected given our nephew had a runny nose again. Needless to say my husband got the point after dealing with a feverish baby and loosing three days of sleep.
I get feeling bothered that someone else has to check your child’s behavior but someone else’s child cannot be at risk 🤷🏻♀️
Absolutely not. correct that kid if his parents won’t. Your kids come first
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