aita for waking my partner up?

He gaslighting you, you’re sleep deprived you’re irritated and stuff but that doesn’t mean he should act like this with you. You’re a mother, a job that never has any break who else will you rely on if it isn’t him? It’s his baby too he should be worried as much as you about her night feeds. He’s being a hypocrite a scum bag! This is so annoying to read he’s using the excuse I’m working bla bla bla try looking after the baby for a whole day watch him take that back.

thank you! i think i’d get it if he helped out when he got back from work, but he comes in and goes straight on his xbox with his friends, and gets mad when i ask him to give me a hand. i moved in with him 2 hours away from all of my family but close to his, so he just assumes his mother will help but she doesn’t, which tbf isnt her responsibility. im just so tired😭

So I breastfeed so slightly different as dad can’t help but I’ve done every night wake since he was born a year ago and we went through months of waking every 40 mins and it was rough!! I will say it does get easier as somehow your body just learns to function better on less sleep.

I do however at the weekends make dad get up with baby when he wakes for the day so I can lie in and catch up on sleep. Will baby co-sleep for naps during the day?

I can sympathise with both sides, now being back at work it is brutal working on no sleep but it’s also brutal parenting on no sleep! However just read your further comment I wouldn’t accept the straight on Xbox etc. whilst my partner didn’t get up in the night he would cook dinner wash up tidy up etc so I could go straight to bed at night when baby did and maximise my rest and if he had time for Xbox after that great, if not tough luck! Tell him to swap out his Xbox time for an hour or two with the baby in the evenings while you nap x

That is disgusting… idk who he thinks he is just bc it didn’t come out his body doesn’t mean he isn’t responsible of baby as well. His friends should be ashamed of him but I bet they just like him.

Guys often let the woman get on with looking after the baby as they feel it’s their job and they often don’t get involved as feel they do their job still by going to work and they carry on their life the same as before baby was here. But he needs to understand what it’s like to have the baby on his own and life is now different. Once he does he will help out more (I hope).
Might be hard cause your baby is only 10 weeks but the fact that she is bottle fed you can leave her with him (I.e. not breastfed). So, why don’t you say you are going out one evening for something: meet a friend, gym, walk or say you are going back to bed for a few hours. Whatever it may be leave him with the baby for a few hours (and do it as often as you need). He needs to understand what it’s like.
I started back working very early but it was great cause my fella realised how full on it was with the baby so now on our send he is so much better and more helpful cause he’s parented on his own so much.

Still wake him for night feeds, my sister did that as her baby was bottle fed and her fella had to get involved.
Only way I would let them get out of it was if they had a job where they can’t be tired. Train/lorry driver, pilot, if he used heavy machinery that could be dangerous if tired. If he’s in a job that doesn’t matter still get him involved, stick to your guns 👍🏻 xxx

The whole thing about going back to bed in the day when they sleep doesn’t happen unless you leave the house work etc and just straight away get in bed when baby does have her sleeps. Second time around with this baby I have managed to just get the odd hour here and there but I told myself I this time I prioritise myself as last time I really struggled with sleep etc for a long time.
In a way if you leave the housework etc and tell your fella that you haven’t done it cause you were napping in the day whilst baby slept so at least get him to help out more around the house with other stuff then at least you won’t feel as tired and as stressed he isn’t doing anything. Good luck xx

What did he think was going to happen? He can't just help make the baby and then not bother to help out! Your just as entitled to sleep as he is if not more! Being a mother is exhausting, he needs to get over it and help out more, sorry to be blunt but men like this piss me off 🤣 I hope your okay xxx

I feel your pain. Before baby was here we agreed we would take shifts! But somehow I do all the night feeds ( he makes the bottle and goes back to sleep) and most the day and nappies through the month he’s had off. He’s back to work tomorrow and has gotten very frustrated that our “noise” when feeding at 2am and dealing with a blow out has woken him up. He’s apologised but now I’m just annoyed that men think because they are working their sleep is more important than ours!
the comment “you can sleep all day “has been made and it’s super frustrating.

Sorry I know that’s not any advice but you aren’t alone in the frustration ❤️ just because he’s at work doesn’t mean he doesn’t have responsibilities

The partner who isn't doing the bulk of childcare often doesn't get how exhausting and draining it is most days just to survivie it,never mind if you want to thrive and excel at it,giving your baby the best energy,ideas,food etc.As others have said,try to give him a day with baby or at least however many hours you can and I'm sure he will soon realise its often less draining to be at paid work!Definitely do not feel bad for asking him to help ❤️ My Husband does all night feeds with formula (he is a night owl so works quite well for us anyway) but then he gets up a bit later and I will be with baby from 6-7am.We both have flexible jobs and work from home so very lucky but the attitude should be (even before I went back to work):we're a team in this,how can we make it as fair as possible in terms of physical and mental workload ❤️👍

I had something very similar at the beginning and was super resentful and becoming incredibly exhausted by doing it all alone. My husband is also a deep sleeper and we’re exclusively breastfeeding so granted that he couldn’t do that part but when the baby was waking super often once the feeding was done I’d shout and nudge him to get up and do the burping, changing and putting back down.

It wasn’t always a successful break for me as he was less confident with how to get on with it and would often give a running commentary which frankly just pissed me off even more!

One night I snapped and told him he had to take over for the night. I gave her a final feed and went downstairs into another room - I got 4 hours sleep for the first time in weeks and felt like a superhuman!

If you’re running on empty, you absolutely won’t need much to recharge. Try to frame it so your partner can see that their short term pain will be a long term gain for you being able to keep going. Win win!

I breastfeed my daughter so it’s not comparable but just wanted to say that having gone back to work as a mum, looking after a baby is 1000% more tiring than work! Do not let him tell you that he needs sleep more than you, parenting should be a partnership❤️