Husband Prefers Underweight Women, and Says He “Can’t Help What He’s Attracted To”

Surely this makes it very hard for you to work on/maintain your recovery? It doesn’t sound sustainable for you if you want to remain healthy ❤️

This is not okay. As you are someone that has recovered from Anorexia this is the last thing you need. 😥

That’s not healthy. I wouldn’t stay with someone who wanted me to be underweight. I could not be with someone who had stipulations on my appearance in order to find me attractive. My husband has found me attractive at + or - about 50 lbs. I can be thinner or thicker and he is still happy. I feel the same way about him.
Life is too short I would find someone who helps you be healthy and likes you for you.

Sounds demonic…you are a recovering anorexic and he happens to like women who are severely underweight? It’s a set up…please pray and find a way to leave if he doesn’t change his ways…your husband knows you are recovering anorexic? Then if so you could be triggered and God forbid relapse…this is emotional psychological abuse…if you think he might be violent or not I would make a safe plan and leave

Thank you for all the responses. And yes he is aware of my history because I actually developed my anorexia while with him in my early twenties (go figure). I agree that I feel like I don’t want to live with this kind of pressure, life is way too short.
For context we’ve been together 11years and other than this we have a great relationship, so ending things seems so extreme, but also I don’t want to live this way either. He admits that his views are problematic and even feels a lot of guilt for feeling the way he does but claims he “can’t change what he’s attracted to.” I just don’t know what to do, I already feel like this pressure has taken up more space in my life than I want. I don’t know if I’ll ever truly feel relaxed or loved if I know deep down he has this preference. It all makes me feel so sick just thinking about it.

I feel like I need to set an ultimatum for him to change his views/desires, but asking someone to change their desires seems so unreasonable. I’m also afraid he’d pretend to change to stay with me, but in the back of my mind I’d still always feel like he still wants me to be smaller. It’s gross because outside of our relationship I have no desire or pressure to be smaller.

I know, it honestly disturbs me as well. It’s just challenging because I don’t feel ready to leave him, so hoping there’s some way I can work through this.

He has also said that “he CAN be attracted to a wide range of people, but that this (underweight) is his preference” which I guess he said to comfort me when we were discussing pregnancy (bizarre I know), but that doesn’t actually help because as someone’s partner of course you’d want to be what they “prefer.” I do love him a great deal but I resent knowing this about him, and sometimes just want to escape it. The whole thing makes me mad/disappointed in him. I just wish he could fix himself because I’m not going to cater to his weird views anymore

He will pressure the absolute fuck out of you to lose baby weight immediately. It will really impact your mental health pp.

Don't do it.

Pregnancy is no joke. If he’s going to judge your body then he’s not even worth having kids for because it will change regardless. You can’t stop your life over his weird fetish. It’s honestly weird because they want you to look prepubescent pretty much.

He’s telling you so clearly that he has no intention of changing his disgusting behavior

I feel so so sorry for you and sad you've spent so many years with this weirdo 🤢

I've been on the other side of this struggling to accept my changed body, and man if my husband didn't love me to bits I'd probably be so depressed and feel so worthless.

I've always been put off by people being so into my looks because I knew this day was coming (stretch marks, extra tummy fat that I am not able to lose because I don't want to prioritise my looks over my son's health - I'm breastfeeding and if you go into a calorie deficit you are likely to lose milk supply).

I feel worried about how attractive I am to my husband even though he never gives me a reason to worry (it's all because of my insecurities, pregnancy and postpartum changes were a lot to come to terms with).

You're going to go through so much if you end up getting pregnant, with no exaggeration, you're risking your life being pregnant and through childbirth, you should only go through that with someone who will absolutely put your wellbeing first

And worship the earth you walk on 😅😅 honestly, it's way too much to go through, and although I feel like nowadays people should fight harder to have a partner, your partner low-key loves you toying with death.

Please please please leave and don't give this man children. You need better than this 🥺🥺🥺

My boyfriend says he is attracted to personality. It takes a lot of pressure off me being too worried about my appearance

Whoever chose a lot of men are like this is crazy. I’ve never met a man who is interested in their lady or any to be sickly and so skinny she looks unwell. Good on you for recovering from anorexia and knowing this is wrong mama. You should be with someone who builds you up.

Agree with everyone, this os not healthy for you, but also want to add if you have children with him he might put his view into them and make them feel self conscious with their own body too. Do what's best for you regardless of how long you have been together. You want to be pregnant of someone that will love you and support you no matter how big or small you become. Glad you are questioning this before getting pregnant

I was in out patient treatment three years ago. I wouldn’t be able to maintain recovery efforts if I was with someone like that. You deserve someone who is attracted to you however you look not some fucked up standards.

Leave please, before you have children with him.

This must be horrible for you and I wouldn't tolerate it one bit.
Not with my husband, but I once made a comment for similar interests a guy I dated had (it wasn't a nice thing and I wouldn't use such words now but I was very young and yeah...) So, this guy kept saying how attractive such tiny women are and showing me pictures on a daily basis I literally felt like I was becoming anorexic at one point because of him. Anyway, I must have gotten sick of him and one day I turned his head basically saying to him that he is either a pedophile to be attracted to women with such a child like physics or something in his mind is wrong since those girls looked like people after chemotherapy or heavy drug users (highly inappropriate but yeah as I said not proud of my young self). Since this he became different and even though we broke shortly after that I've seen women of normal size or even slightly on the bigger size in his life.

It sounds like he's not attracted to women...he's attracted to girls! Requiring a woman to be underweight and look prepubescent(no hips, breast, booty) is a red flag.

It is true that we all have our own preferences of what we're attracted to and want. It's in our nature and you can't change it without some intensive cognitive behavioral therapy. He wants a sickly woman. The question is, are you willing to be that for him? If you care about your health and dignity then the answer should be no.

ugh good point tai. That’s awful.