Mom's going through divorce/separation/ breakups

Considering Divorce

Sometimes I wonder how I allowed my self to be with a man for over 12 years who’s been nothing but an asshole and alcoholic our entire time together. Now we have 3 kids and I’m just fed up with him. Every argument has slowly pushed me closer to finally sticking up for myself and divorce this man. He lies about his drinking problems and refuses to get help. In addition to his drinking he’s just an angry mean person sober. Just today I got screamed at because I work from home and he asked me to throw some chicken wings in the air fryer while he went to pick up our girls. So I did exactly that. Until he came home yelling at me about why I didn’t put the sauce on the wings and I said well you didn’t ask me to? Then proceeds to say If he wanted to put the sauce on the wings we would have done the whole fucking thing himself. Immediately after that he starts yelling at our 6 year old who then gets upset asking why he’s being mean and tells her to stop fucking acting like a baby.

I whole heartedly regret marrying this man. One day I hope I have the courage to divorce him for the sake of my children and I. 💔

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I don't mean to put this on you, as it may make you feel worse, but I do think someone should say it. I'm from a family where the kids wished their parents got a divorce. You're saying 'I hope I some day have the courage to stand up for myself'. What you're allowing is child abuse. Your kids may hate you when they become adults, experience abusive relationships of their own and not understand how you didn't leave. I have a parent that didn't leave. To be honest they broke my heart as I got older and realised that they just didn't love us enough to stop it or leave, because it was easier for them. The older I get (I'm now mid-30s) to less sympathy I have and the more distant I am to both of them. Will your daughter grow up and hate you, not your husband, but you as you knew it was wrong and did nothing to save her.

I agree with it gets to a point you have to put your needs on the back burner and protect your kids. Kids remember who their parent (s) choose over their safety and well- being. And even if he never lays a hand on them… yelling from a man bigger than you is scary. I know first hand. And having to live in fear is something I would not wish on any child. And as someone who left my husband who was an abusive alcoholic… even though he was my last serious relationship 5 years ago since I left… I still am way better without him than with him… and my kids are so much better without him living with us. It does get better. You just have to want to do better for your kids.

in our community

NHS job

Anyone work for the NHS and does 12 hour shifts? How do you work around childcare and your partners job?

He has no respect for anything to do with me.

Husband and I decided to separate 3 days ago. I've been sleeping on the floor in the kids room, and we both have to stay in the same apartment for a while. He wont stop pushing little things and I am reaching my limit. Photos in comments

Toddlers

How often are your toddlers asking for food? My oldest who is 3 just finished a whole plate of food and not even 10 minutes later he’s requesting more food. I know he’s going through a growth spurt, but how do you respond to this.

Is this normal?

Is it just my husband that does this? He is able to work from home via his computer and in the mornings and evenings he is on there doing his job. When he is done for the day he tends to stay in the room and either play video games or watch something. He will occasionally come out and play with the girls for a few minutes and that’s it but when I really need him he says he is busy. My daughters are both 1 year old now and I am just wondering how much involvement should he have with them now?
Idk if this is the norm or not…..

Saying NO to buying toys etc

5 year old is getting really envious of others. He is obsessed with items that other kids have at school. I am pestered daily to buy these things in a different style when we already have 3 others. I have seen parents just buying stuff their kid likes which I don't necessarily agree with even when i can afford it. How do you deal with it?

Identity crisis?

Am I the only sahm who feels like they have lost their identity??? I don’t make money for my family, when I used to make great money. But I refuse to drop my under a year old baby off with strangers.
My husband works so much. But I have no control over bringing in money and I’m a control freak type of person! I feel l like I’m losing my grip because we are kind of broke, but day care would only eat up my income anyways! So what’s the point. I’m a workaholic and now I’m just a twitching bum.
I wish I could work from home but so far that’s a fake dream. I’m almost 9 months pp, and I just need to know these awful mood swings and depression will end soon! Send wine!