Overwhelming feelings/anxiety/overthinking…

This week my heads been in overdrive, I think because I’m exhausted and feeling pretty rubbish it’s maybe making me feel miserable. I’m a mum of twins who will be 5 in May and 8.5 weeks pregnant with a singleton (love my 2 but phew!). For some background, I had my twins at 34 weeks and they spent 5 weeks in NICU during a strict lockdown, living in another country with no family or support network so it was tough for a while after the twins where born. I think there is a possibility I had undiagnosed postnatal depression.

This baby is something me and my husband discussed and felt ready for but in the last week or so I’ve been questioning my why and fear is creeping in about how/why I am going to do this again. Even though I know this experience is going to be completely different I can’t help but think I’ve made the wrong choice to extend our family 😭I feel so guilty for having these feelings and I’m really hoping it’s just ‘one of those weeks’ and that it passes but right now i’m just feeling emotional about it.

Please tell me I’m not alone or share any hope. I don’t feel like I can be open and honest with my husband about how I feel and noone else yet knows but I need to get this off my chest xx

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Sorry to hear your struggles. I mentally struggled at week 7 and was very anxious. I realised I'd been bottling up and pushing down worries. Talking to my husband helped (yours is probably also worried and wants to talk) and accepting that there are big changes and anxiety is natural in pregnancy really helped. So I'd encourage you to share the feelings with others even a family member or colleague. Saying these things that are on your mind don't make you a bad person or that you won't love this baby, you've got raging hormones and a past trauma. I think you'll feel much better just getting it out there and it'll feel smaller and more manageable emotions. Also journalling your big fears on paper and then writing counter arguments or solutions helped me feel more positive and in control. You're a different person then you were then with parenting experience and no lockdown this time and I'm sure you'll thrive as a new mum again 😊 5 is a good age too for your kids to be helpers x

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