Build a bear

My daughter is 5 and just learned about these stuffed animals and her half sis has 4 stuffed animals from there.Husband got her one when she was a baby. Grandma got her one . Grandpa got her 2 . All when she was younger . My daughters friends talk about it and sees her sis has one so today I took her to get one . I don’t make much money so I have to be frugal and I know it’s about the experience but I can’t help but think everything is overpriced . Anyways I let her pick something out and let her pick two accessories and my total was about $55. I figured she can get additional accessories when her bday comes along in a couple months. I’m embarrassed to say this but after that we went to the dollar store to get small things like a blanket and small leash (she got a dog stuffed animal) and other misc small things . My daughter LOVED everything . The experience was worth it for her . My husband called me out for being so cheap and that I’m embarrassing. I did what I could and I don’t believe in putting things on my credit card if I can’t afford it .

Then it made me feel resentful because if he got one for his oldest why can’t he for our daughter . Secondly his parents got one for the oldest as well then why can’t they do it for their granddaughter. I don’t expect anyone to do anything for my daughter and I provide with what I’m able … however now I feel dumb

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Tbh I would turn around if he has an issue and say well you get her one then. If she was happy with the cheaper stuff that’s such a win! I think you did the right thing

yea that’s exactly how I feel . She’s at an age where she was happy to just get one . I just feel embarrassed I guess .

It doesn’t help that last Christmas sd got one and they didn’t think to get one for their youngest granddaughter when she said she wanted one too . I know I can’t change or expect anything out of others but it’s upsetting when I’m doing what I can for my daughter and I’m still being judged for it .

If they say anything I’d just fire back at them that they get one for one and nothing by for the other. As long as you’re doing what you believe is right by your daughter that’s all that matters. Maybe for her birthday or Christmas you could treat her to one

I understand completely why you would get accessorise elsewhere and if he didn’t like it he should have payed. However I remember something by similar happening and although I was very greatful I was embarrassed that I could never have a complete thing because it was too expensive x

Maybe he should be giving you a generous monthly stipend to spend on things for your daughter so you don't feel pressured about money or "embarrass" him. 🙄 You're doing great. I almost can not believe he said that...

yea I let her get two accessories and the stuffed animal and everything else I was thinking no we can wait until an occasion before I splurge on getting her more things if she wants …

I just hope I didn’t “ruin” the experience for her

yea I don’t care if he or his family says I’m cheap because they’re not paying for it so it doesn’t phase me but I hope it doesn’t embarrass my daughter . That’s what’s bugging me now

Doesn't solve the problem right now, but just a heads up - build a bear does a "pay your age" birthday promo. You have to sign up for their free rewards program then you can make one for $6 on her next bday

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Family culture difference on money

Sorry this is long, I hope some of you get to the end and give advice!!!

So I’m a very thrifty person, things are tight at the moment, the cost of living crisis and my house is heated by oil so things are extortionate. We aren’t on the bread line but we aren’t flush, hubby might be made redundant so there is some financial pressure.

Sometimes I buy my sons something nicer, on the justification that I can sell it on after (♥️ vinted ♥️). I have also been planning on pretty much breaking even most of the baby things I bought from face book market place, side by crib, baby changing unit, etc.

Hubby and I have different money cultures with our families (he’s Indian, I’m British). I’m my family we don’t mix money, we would help each other out if someone was in trouble and will get each other gifts on special occasions. With hubby’s family money is much more fluid, they will give each other things worth thousands of £ just because.

Hubby’s brother bought him a new laptop and a new Google phone, he’s been very generous to hubby. Hubby hasn’t given the same back because brother is much richer.

Hubby and I mostly share finances. If it’s relevant I’m the higher earner.

Now to the point! My babies are so cute they’ve given hubby’s brother (currently single) baby rabies. He’s asked for our baby stuff when we’re done with it. He’s been so generous to hubby I feel really stingy saying no. But I’d never have bought some of the stuff if I wasn’t going to get a return on it - the thought makes me a bit anxious. If we gave all our baby stuff given the second hand value it still wouldn’t equal what the brother had given hubby.

I thought maybe I could give him some stuff but sell some stuff, but hubby said then his brother will just have to go out and buy that stuff, so I should name my price and ask his brother for the money. That makes me feel very uncomfortable, given how generous the brother has been to hubby.

So what do I do ladies? Give it all and suck it up? Give part of it and sell parts on Vinted/FB, or ask hubbys brother for money for it and be uncomfortable? Or do you see another solution?

No one is being entitled or rude here, just a culture difference I need to navigate.

Advice

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