Should your husband still ask you to be his valentine

It’s nice and thoughtful but not something I expect

Him asking is him telling me “babe I’ve booked a place for Vday dinner” and I say okay. That’s it. For 19yrs that’s been it and I’m happy w that because he knows that’s what I want. He’s my Valentine, and he steps up to that role. He usually books it 3-4w in advance, a new restaurant every time because I love trying new fine dining places w him and new bars w my gfs.
My 5yr old DID ask me to be his Valentine this year and I think that’s sweet 😂

I personally don’t believe in Valentine’s Day because it was created to be associated with love rather than it actually meaning that.

So, for me, it is another day of disappointment and expectation rather than that of being loved.

I am shown every day I am loved I don’t require expectations on one day of the year when it is an excuse to have a go at a loved one for not conforming to a made up day to say I love you

yes and mine did. just because we’re married doesn’t mean things aren’t special anymore so we still go all out for everything lol

If that’s what you want then just let him know? It’s a matter of agreement between the two of you. There is no right way to have a successful marriage. For me, I don’t really care about it, but if my partner wants to take me to a nice dinner and do something romantic then awesome, but if it’s just dinner date at home and a movie after, that’s all fine too. Or even if it’s nothing and we’re just living like it’s normal, then you know that’s fine with me. I don’t have any expectations, but if you do with yours then should make it clear because he can’t read your mind and won’t know why you’re upset because he didn’t ask you to be his Valentine. That’s just really silly, and very high school puppy love. Time is too precious to be going round and round in a useless and endless loop of misunderstandings.

If you want to keep the spark alive you have to continuously date your partner and show up/out for them. If they can't ask you to be theor valentine if this is a date you celebrate, does he/she/they show up/out for you in other ways?

sounds like you took this way too serious. It was more for humor. May have had to include that in parenthesis. We were discussing this with out teenage kids as they believe my husband should still have to ask even though we are married.

You ask for an opinion and I’ve given it. Nothing wrong with me answering it honestly, and (seriously) to the question. You asked for an opinion so why would I not give a serious answer? Doesn’t matter who is involved in a discussion, if my teenage children say this to me I would still say it exactly like this.

Not everything is more than just what it is, an opinion. lol like that’s just my thought process and my answer to your question. Take it for what you will, but I’m not here to fight anyone if that’s what you’re worry about.

you just came across very serious and upset. I wasn't trying to make anyone mad. I figured I'd post a poll and get them a better view of what others thought.

@Nattinan at what point do you just give up if it's been a conversation had before? Communication is the foundation of a strong relationship, but i feel like you can only have the conversation so many times before you start feeling like it's pointless to continue bringing it up.

No worries, I’m not upset, thanks for your concerns. Like i said in my answer, I really don’t have any expectations over my partner so definitely not upset at all 🙂 will use more emojis to help ease the potential wrong tone of voice next time 😄

hmm…I think these are the kind of things you would’ve talked to your other half way back when you have first just started dating/committing to each other. Expectations are usually set at the beginning of any relationship since that’s when you’ll find out what kind of a person they are, what they like/dislike, what they enjoy and don’t enjoy, whether they’re a romantic or not so much. Everyone has different expectations and values over certain gestures and things, so these should have been talked about and agreed before committing to a relationship. Communication is the foundation, as you said, so it’s important to talk about these things before going further down the road, like marriage.

For example, my partner knows I don’t have any expectations but he is welcome to take me out on Valentine, buy me expensive gifts for our anniversary/birthdays/special occasions, whenever and whatever is fine with me, unless I specifically ask “can we do date night tomorrow?” Etc.

It shouldn’t feel pointless, because you have rights to ask but he always has every rights to say no. If it makes you upset then you can try negotiating until it happens. But if it will never happen, then you will just have to accept it. You have to talk it out about why he says no, during the negotiations you can try offering some alternative things to do. Or if it’s not in his nature, then you should start small like dinner date at home, just the two of you. Or Something you know that he can and will definitely do for you on Valentine, if it’s important to you. Or you can even just try doing something for him first, anything that you can spend time alone together is a win in my opinion.

See, I set expectations early and I've just come to the if he wanted to he would because my expectations never changed on most of my wants/needs/desires and his has or he just feels it's pointless. Idk. I asked him today and he said he didn't ask cuz I asked him this year. Which i did. I asked beginning of January and immediately planned the date and paid for it so we'd have firmed up plans. He's not a schedule follower as it's not spontaneous enough for him.