Leaving out step children

I would definitely feel the same way!

It will always be slightly different as she is not their grandchild and especially if she was older when introduced to the family. Unless she calls them nana and Grandad etc. I am a step parent and love the children and I’m lucky that my family do they always include them but it’s different they aren’t my parents grandchildren. For example they would get them each a book/voucher at Christmas and my daughter a bit more. If it happens again then get your husband to say something.

@Veronie it's not about buying her something. I feel more upset about them trying to come over to see the youngest when it's actually my eldests birthday and they'd have got here and not known. Imagine how she'd feel 😩

Showing favoritism is going to be incredibly hurtful for your child. We're they forgetful before you had another kiddo or just this time?

I would think they would want to make an effort to remember your oldest's bday as well. I can understand it probably doesn't come as naturally to them. Sorry you're going through this. I would be hurt also.

My step family never said anything for my birthdays, graduations or anything. I’m no contact with them despite my mom continuing to update them. Unfortunately the families likely don’t look at your eldest as family and it’s pretty easy to pick up on that as she is older. I stopped going to their house for holidays in middle school I think. Like I’d get socks and stuff for Christmas but my sister their granddaughter and the other kids got thoughtful gifts related to their likes.

At this point you can’t make them be interested if they aren’t all you can do is shield her how you can and don’t force the contact if she decides she doesn’t want to see them. I always stayed at my grandmas house, my mom’s mom.

If it's going to be corrected dad has to do it. It's unfortunately common not to dismiss your feelings it's still messy.

Maybe the next time they do something to include her like get her an Easter egg or something you can mention to his mum or someone how lovely that was and she really loved being included. Hopefully that will then stay in their memories

Yeah i think it is common and I get it with her being older when they met her makes it harder for them to have a bond etc but she is still a child.

In-laws and step families can be complicated and hard work 🙈

I’ve lived through this myself - my in-laws made statements that they “want a grandson” (my eldest /son was with first partner) in front of my child and that was the end of it for me. I had also gotten tired of evening out gifts for the kids (pretending they were gifted from them). It’s just exhausting. When the grandparents died, they left my bio son out of the will. Of If I had it all to do over again, I’d have my husband step in and say something instead of bearing it all myself.

Blended families are hard. I feel bad for my daughter at Christmas and her birthday because I feel she gets less. She gets presents from her us her mum and dad but when it’s her siblings birthday/Christmas they get the same as her but then a load more from their mum it’s like do I double what I do for her to make it up or do we do presents from dad and me even though we are together. The older two get presents from all their mums side and my families side

Yeh that’s really sad, esp as they’re close in date. Tell your partner to speak up and explore the issue. He can also remind them next time in advance of her birthday that her birthday is coming. Blended families are hard and it takes folks time to adjust and accept, and sometimes they don’t 😢