MIL seeing baby
I’m going back to where we’re from to visit my family and his fam lives there too. His mom and I got into it a few years ago bc she said I should not have a baby w him bc I’m immature, I’d make him do all the work, I’m on meds for epilepsy and she said my medicine will mess a kid up, and I’m too selfish for a kid. She said a lot more but this is the important part. Mind you, we have not spent a lot of time together so all of these things she said are very untrue, she’s just a stereotypical boy mom.
Anyways I’m going may 7th and my husband wants to visit his parents at least once so they can meet the baby. They’re coming here 2 days after we leave… I do NOT want her to hold my baby. As soon as I got pregnant she acted excited and started buying stuff. I do not like people being fake so I went off on her calling her out. Now she’s calling her “my baby” and saying she looks just like him when she doesn’t look like him at all besides long legs. She looks like me.
I’m NOT ready to let her hold my baby. I tried telling my husband it makes me EXTREMELY uncomfortable and I don’t want it to happen and just wait for them to come here and even when they come here I don’t think I want her holding my kid. You can never come back from saying shit like that and to act excited now is so fucking fake. I don’t hate people but I hate her with a burning passion. Idk how to get over it and just let her hold my baby.
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Mine not even gonna know.
I agree 10000% but my husband disagrees and wants her to have a relationship with the baby. We have to get on the same page
That’s her grandmother for better or worse, sadly. I’d probably clear the air, letting her know you forgive her and look forward to the relationship she’ll have with baby. (Forgiving and being the bigger person is also such a flex… she doesn’t think you’re mature? Be as cool as a cucumber!) Stuff like saying she only looks like your husband’s side is annoying, but very classic tone-deaf grandparent stuff so I’d try to ignore it. Otherwise, I’d just keep an eye on certain clear boundaries like if anyone kisses the baby she goes straight back to parents and no one ever tells her to keep secrets from parents or they don’t get to be alone with her; things that can be rules for everyone (even if you have her in mind for certain ones) and are easy and clear to enforce. You’ll really need your partner on board so talk to him about what boundaries he wants to set too, and be open to establishing more as things come up. One of ours was no one holds baby after more than one glass of wine.
we definitely have boundaries in place for everyone, she just doesn’t respect them. Her one boundary with me was don’t touch me (no hugs, nothing) and she failed to respect that the first day we saw her. I’m terrified of her kissing my baby when I said no one can and I know I’ll go ballistic 🥲 shitty thing is, she’s over 50 and can’t take responsibility for anything she said. I’m trying really hard but it’s so hard to forgive ya know
I get that. It can be so hard to feel like you’re being walked all over. The very best boundaries are structured like straightforward “if-then” equations so that they kinda enforce themselves without you having to get elevated at all. Like “OK you kissed the baby that means it’s time for her to come back to us to keep her safe from germs” rather than you disrespecting us etc.. basically kind of treating her like a child who doesn’t know any better.
that’s actually really smart, thank you!!
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