Unsupportive & selfish husband

I’m nearly 33 weeks pregnant & been struggling with a lot of pelvic pain at night so I wake up several times in the night. I just came back from hospital for this but realised the gel the doc prescribed to me isn’t safe for pregnancy. I don’t understand what was wrong with that doctor. Anyways, I decided to just stick to paracetamol. I woke up around 3:30am this morning due to my pain to take paracetamol. Hubby forced me to swap places late last night so I didn’t have a chance to move over my stuff to the drawer on the other side. I woke up & went to pick the paracetamol in the drawer on his side & he wakes up asking me what I’m doing on his side. Then I said i was getting paracetamol, I’m in pain. Then he said ‘oh good, you deserve it. That’s why you should be in hospital’. I was taken aback by the comment & just said see how you speak to me? And I went on to sit on my side to take the paracetamol, as I was opening the pack he says, why are you waking me up? Then I said no one is waking you up, I’m in pain taking my paracetamol in peace. Before I knew it, he starts to insult me & calling me things & as I got back to bed he continued to yell that I will go in labour on my own & having to pay the full rent on my own while on mat leave etc. So I picked my stuff struggling to walk & went to sleep in the next room. I got so angry & came & told him I’m better off being on my own than having a selfish person with me who makes everything about himself. My baby & I deserve someone who is considerate. Then he continued to threaten & I said you can leave tomorrow if you want, I don’t care. He isn’t participating in the arrival of this baby & isn’t contributing anything towards preparing for the baby. All he cares is just about himself. I woke up so sad this morning & I know I shouldn’t have to put up with this at such a vulnerable time. I am contemplating on changing the locks & getting police involved to organise for him to take his stuff as I don’t want to open myself for further abuse. I know that’s the right thing to do but there’s some guilt holding me back from doing this. It’s a hard decision & I feel so conflicted atm.

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You need to look after your health and that of the baby. If you are getting isolated because of your husband’s behaviour, you need to take steps now to make things better. What he is doing is domestic abuse. Emotional abuse and threatening financial abuse are part of coercive control. Has he changed since you got pregnant? I would strongly advise speaking to a helpline or a nurse at your GP practice. This won’t be good for you if you can’t work through the issues as the situation you are in could escalate.

@Angela yes certainly he has & the heavier I get, the more of a horrible person he becomes. He keeps saying that he is scared of the labour/birth situation & there’s a part of me that is thinking, he is creating all this chaos so he can have an easy way out not to be present at the birth. Atm I don’t feel he’ll even be supportive if this is how he is acting with pains I have at home. I could speak to a helpline but I know I have the agency within myself to change things around. I don’t want to be taken through assessments & other bureaucratic processes when I know what I should do for me & baby. I haven’t had a good experience with the system in a previous occasion unfortunately so don’t want to add myself extra stress.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you and at a time when you are so vulnerable and in so much pain. You are right in thinking to get out now while there is no baby he can threaten. Do you have family you can stay with?

@Catherine unfortunately not & that’s why my only option is changing locks as I don’t want to put myself in extra stress trying to find shelter when the house is in my name. I just need the courage to do this & not be flinched with the guilt tripping.

Amazing news that the house is in your name so you and baby have a home regardless. You sound very switched on knowing that he will try and sweet talk you/guilt trip you so I know you can do this for you and your precious little one. Maybe log everything horrible he's done or said to look back on in your weaker moments. That would help me be strong and remind myself why you're ending the relationship. I truly wish you all the best, lovely. xx

You don't need to feel guilty about it (I know, easier said than done!). You need to look after yourself and the baby and if your partner is not really a partner on this journey - worse, he's an impediment to it - then you're completely right. Get rid of him and don't look back. Power to you!

I dont see any abuse appears to be immature people who are not ready for marriage or lifetime relationship.

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