Family isn’t fond of my husband anymore… what do I do?

My brother and sister don’t care for him at the moment because he’s too opinionated and apparently the rest of the family thinks he is too. That’s news to me that they all have the same feelings about that. I wish they would’ve told me sooner instead of me hearing about it through others now that they’re mad. My brother and husband were super close and now they don’t speak at all because my brother thinks we don’t like his gf who he wants to marry someday. I, and my husband, don’t mind her, but she doesn’t talk. You have to initiate every conversation and she replies as short as possible and never continues the conversation. At first we chalked it up to shyness, but 5 years later and she’s still like this. Also, others have mentioned it to me so it’s not just us she does this to. Gives off the impression maybe she doesn’t care to talk to the family. She is sweet and funny, but like how is it that hard to talk to your bf’s family? Anyway, I’ve slowly not cared much for her and I’m assuming my brother felt it. Well, he’s been distant and it’s been awkward coming up to a year. I do think my husband can come off as intense sometimes and he’s someone who states how he feels with little sugar coating. Not to be a douche, it’s just how he is… I think some of his comments over the years have rubbed my brother and sister the wrong way and now it’s boiled over into this mess. I never mention things to my brother about his gf because I know he loves her and I am happy for him and would rather keep our relationship solid. I also try not to get into anything too sour with my sister because I know she can get upset or offended easily. They both call me an a-hole because I’m too blunt or “don’t hear the way I say things sometimes.” They’re allowed to say whatever they want whilst I should know better and bite my tongue. Even if it’s about my own husband. Their minds are set on whatever topic but I’m wrong when I try to defend or explain him in the situation at hand. I always end up apologizing to them… I don’t know what to do anymore. It’s been going on for a while and I’m over it to where I’m just hurt and want to be alone. This time around, my brother told my sister everything we were talking about and it hurt her feelings and she didn’t tell me until after the weekend once she was home so we had an awkward holiday weekend with her and she was easily annoyed with my little ones (1&3) and talked on the phone almost the whole time while she was visiting. Not to mention, she never told us she changed her itinerary to stay somewhere else and just spent a few hours with us 2/4 days. Here I am wondering what in the world happened never thinking my brother told her everything we were talking about. Btw, my family’s always been super close so this sucks!

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.
Add a comment
Avatar

How you've described your husband is pretty much how I'd describe my fiance tbh! It's not a terrible thing to be opinionated at all, but I guess it can be annoying if you try to force your opinion onto other people, which we all need to be mindful of.

It's sad about your brother, but if this was me (I have 2 brothers) I'd absolutely ask him if we can have a conversation and sort things out, just the 2 of us.

Avatar

I guess I’m okay with it, like you, that’s how I can be with him lol but my brother and sister are more sensitive in general so they get with people less likely to be so forward I guess. I do know it’s a lot when you’re not used to it, I remind him to chill sometimes cus he can get focused on whatever topic and really dive deep. He’ll learn all about whatever he’s into and to me, that’s pretty cool because I do it too.

Last time my brother went off on me was the day after my child’s birthday. I thought everything went amazingly only to find out he was uncomfortable the whole time and he surely let me know. My siblings 3-way called me to let me know (my sis couldn’t make it) and I tried calling him solo afterward and he never called me or texted me back and I heard from him like a week later for something else. Ive tried FaceTiming him a few times this weekend so my children could say happy Easter but he never once called back or replied to me and had the nerve to go…

Avatar

go off through text but now can’t talk on the phone because he’s working. He’s making it hard to be okay again…

Avatar

Sounds like family drama lol, and honestly unless your husband has directly offended one of your family members they should just get over it and be cordial because they love you and as long as you are truly happy then get over it! You get over how indifferent your brothers fiance is because you love him. You can't always be perfect. And for your brother to go behind your back and tell your sister stuff you said is petty. Also it sounds like they probably talk behind your back all the time given they be 3 way calling you to talk shit 🤣

If your husband makes you happy then don't let your family ruin it for you unless they were directly impacted by him. My sister has been with a few guys like this and yeah it can be annoying but I get over it bc I love her and she seems happy and it ain't hurting me. Honestly my fiance gets like this too and I would rather him be himself than put on some act for my family. He is never disrespectful, just not afraid to say how he thinks about something. There is a difference.

Avatar

Hmm,yeah your brother sounds like he is being deliberately difficult tbh. If your husband is a good man but can be slightly annoying (like we all can be) then I think your siblings are being overly harsh here!

Avatar

It really seems like you are the only one trying to put some effort. That’s a shame :/
Don’t loose your energy in that, they love you you are their sister at the end, they will go back hopefully but let them do the steps.
I would just keep sending like presents for occasion, invitations, pictures, cards… but without waiting anything back, more for my peace of mind like “I did my part, up to them now”. And then hopefully with some time they will be back !
So sad because you seem a really loving caring sister, I hope they will realise their luck !

Avatar

It sounds like you’re carrying a lot of hurt and frustration right now, and honestly, I can’t blame you. Family dynamics get messy, especially when communication breaks down and everyone’s walking around with hurt feelings they don’t talk about directly. You’ve been trying to keep the peace while feeling stuck in the middle, and that’s exhausting.

At some point, it might help to step back and protect your own peace — you can’t fix everything, and you shouldn’t have to keep apologizing just to smooth things over. Let them feel however they feel. You know where you stand, and that’s enough. When they’re ready to actually talk things out like adults (not through secondhand drama), you’ll be there. Until then, take care of yourself and your own little family first

Read more on Peanut

Trending

in our community

Post partum dad

I have a 2 month old. A few weeks ago my husband crashed out because he didn't feel like he was getting to bond with her. I started exclusively breastfeeding around that time and honestly didnt see the big deal. Baby and I left for a few days and when we got back home, everything was fine. He was extremely hands-on. He helped with my meals, her bedtime, bath, stories.....for a few weeks it was great. Then he randomly sounds depressed af. He says our lo is better off without him, he wants to sleep all day , he asks me not to watch tv then tried playing a video game. He refused to reply to me when i asked any follow-up questions. Then he woke up our baby trying to race me to the bathroom first thing in the morning . He's doing a weird mix of crying, trying, and giving up. Im starting to feel like I cant handle him not being able to handle life with baby and just want to be alone. Are there resources for men?

Avatar

3

6

Is it bad of me to think this or no?

My husband has been abroad for work (1 day and exploring for 1 day) for 2 and a half days which means I’ve had both kids (1 year and 4 year old) for 2 and a half days plus cooking, cleaning, taking them to clubs, bedtimes!
He came home late afternoon and said I’m so tired, I just need to chill. I said can you wash up whilst I sort kids dinner out, he said he’ll do it later which means he won’t do it and I’ll end up doing it so I said no do it now please otherwise I’ll end up doing it and he said well you have been home and I’ve been away so you’ve just been relaxing.
Don’t know what planet he is on but having the kids alone for 2.5 days is not relaxing. I was stressed!

When he was away, I did miss him and wanted him to come back but now he’s back, I want him to go away again😂
Is that bad?

Avatar

2

13

My 2 year old won’t eat nothing but snacks

Is this normal ? He won’t even try anything I eat .. he really only like pizza fries and spaghetti… nuggets and snacks bananas some other fruit but like anything else he won’t eat if try but I don’t want to force him I’m just I feel like bad I mean he isn’t losing weight I breastfeed mostly still

Avatar

1

7

Shift worker daddies - advice please?

My husband works shifts (6am-6pm days or 6pm-6am nights) so when he’s on shift we either get about an hour or 2 before he goes to work or an hour or 2 when we gets home with him.

I don’t think people who aren’t married/have babies with shift workers fully understand the impact of feeling like a solo parent sometimes.

Does anyone have any advice? I do have parents who can help but I struggle to leave my baby with others as I always feel like they don’t understand the need for tracking wake windows or feeds and our baby will not sleep unless we black out a room or go for a car drive . Everyone seems to think ‘if he’s tired he’ll drop off’ - no he’ll just get overtired and have to then pay for it during his night sleep. So I feel like it’s just easier for me to do it all myself.

When my husbands off work he is great but I do take the mental load of telling him what to do or even reminding him of wake windows etc because he’s not here and forgets routines. He’s also being tested for ADHD currently so there’s that on top of shift work.

Just looking for advice on how to stay sane/keep routines or share loads with shifts workers?

Thank you ❤️

Avatar

1

4

Really bothered by this

A friend posted this and it really bothers me because that is exactly how she parents her kid, and it's rather unfortunate because when our kids hang out together, her kid has a meltdown at least 5x within an hour. We have know them for years and it's only gotten worse. My kids will concede to hers, because they don't want to see their friend crying, but it sucks because they give up so much of their toys and enjoyment to keep the peace. We aren't hanging out as much anymore but it's rather sad to think she doesn't intervene more in her child tantrums and just let's it slide

Avatar

4

Feeling like I’m failing

Hey guys, I need some advice or some positivity here!
My daughter is 5 months next week and she has her first tooth coming through! Yay! But for the past month or so she has become so wary of family whenever I go to visit! She screams, won’t settle, cries the whole time. I went for my birthday to celebrate and I had to leave because she just would cry looking at anyone :( it’s so hard because she used to be so good with anyone!

Will this change or is this just the way she is? I try to see them as often as I can, and my MIL is looking after her in two weeks overnight and part of a day and I’m petrified of what’s going to happen, that she’s going to scream. My poor MiL 😭. I’m a very calm and collected person and I don’t get worked up when she does react this way… I just feel so sad and down that I can’t be with family and that my poor girl is scared. I give her so many cuddles, milk, toys, going to a quiet room, but she just doesn’t settle 😭

Please someone say this is a phase and there is light at the end of the tunnel ?!!

With the weather getting nicer I just feel we are going to miss out on so many lovely family memories

Avatar

1

5

Read more on Peanut