I hate my birthday gift!

I’d just be grateful he atleast got you something.

Talk to him about how you’re feeling. He likely doesn’t know how you feel and what you wanted, often times we assume our partners know but they have no idea, does he even know there’s been things you wanted that you haven’t gotten? Is it his first child to maybe he has no idea what your expected and is thinking you don’t want a fuss. what has he done on prior birthdays has it been the same or is this way scaled back?

@Tara this is the thing it is massively scaled back to what he usually does. He’s done some incredible things in the past for me which is why I’ve said thank you and acted grateful. I think it’s because this birthday I feel extra vulnerable and to then not get met with the same level he used to do sorta hurts.

@Sophie why should I just out curiosity? Why do I have to be ok with something I deem as not ok? I haven’t been cruel, I’ve not said anything negative to him and I’ve thanked him.

Communication is key to anything IMO Don’t let yourself feel lonely in your misery. You can approach it with gratitude but just explain to him how you feel. He might be able to tell you some things he’s keeping to himself too? There will be other times you’ll feel like this, over other things, so opening that line of communication is important x

I would talk to him about how you feel, let him into how you feel about everything tell him you appreciate him getting you the gift but with it being your first birthday as a new mom and losing your dad your emotions around it feel different. I find that being vulnerable is a really important part to my marriage and have found that if I don’t tell my husband when I feel something like this we both lose because he has no idea and would have wanted to know and to make me happy but can’t be failted because I assumed he knew. I would just ensure to not approach it from a place where it feels your accusing him of doing something wrong. like i know where both adjusting to being parents but I want to ensure we both keep celebrating each others special days and maybe let him know you had been scaling back due to the baby and figured for your birthday you would be treated and set the tone for how all birthdays and holidays like anniversary’s moving forward will be celebrated for both of you

I think tell him exactly what you told us, that’s you’ve been cutting back and there’s plenty of things you’d like or need and his gift felt very rushed and thoughtless change doesn’t come without honest and sometimes ugly communication, my husband used to always go with the most stereotypical “women like sparkles” gifts ever and I always hated it because they’d cost double the things I actually liked but over time he started to learn and pay attention to what o liked because I would pull him up if he tried to stereotype me

As new parents hope it all works out and I’m sorry about your loss I lost my dad in 2019 and greif can make you feel things your not prepared for I can’t even imagine adding in postpartum feelings as my dad had always gotten me a valentine and always considered me his valentine and it was really hard to not have that and I expected my husband to make up for it and never vocalized. Feel free to message me if you want to talk

If he's generally been good with this sort of thing in the past, I'd probably cut him some slack tbh.

I’d talk to him about it. Be mindful of your tone and wording. Make sure you’re not too upset. But if you don’t address it he’ll never know.

Talk to him. If he's usually been good about gift giving in the past maybe it's just a one off lapse of judgement. One year my husband got me the US office LEGO set. I'm not into Lego. I'm mildly into the office, we watch it together and I saw the Lego set online on a tiktok and showed it to him in a "haha look" type of thing. He then spent over £100 on it for me. I was honest and told him that although it was a thoughtful gift and I appreciated him paying attention to our conversation about it, really it was a lot of money to spend on something I wasn't going to display in our house after building it. I would prefer that money spent on something we could do together, or a spa day or something. He was momentarily a bit grumpy, but understood and ultimately sold it on eBay and got me something else.

Tell him, return it, get what you want

What did he get you?

I wouldn't be ungrateful and angry but maybe have a calm conversation about how you feel and how the gift made you feel, I don't think he would have gone out his way to make you feel how you have but if he has some understanding of your feelings at least he isn't left in the dark and the resentment to show

@Sophie you should also probably talk to your husband about that

At least he got you something! My partner is always forgetting and ordering something on my birthday and just saying it’s late arriving.

My hubby got me petrol station flowers for my first Mother's Day. I told him! I was fuming... lol! He's got me a massive bunch for Mother's Day ever since, let him know

Ladies he got me a dressing gown. And no, it’s not a fancy one. Do I already own one? yes I do 🙈🙈🙈 . Does it need replacing, nope. Anyway thanks for everyone sharing their point of views. I’m gonna maybe be more clear with what I want next time. It’s not that I don’t appreciate anything my husband does. I think it’s just us ladies put up with a lot and we go without a lot of the time. Is that ok, absolutely not but sometimes we gotta do what we gotta do. So when we get this one day that’s supposed to be all about us and a chance to feel special it can feel disheartening when it just doesn’t feel appreciated.

I’m sorry for your loss, I loss my dad January 2024 and my daughter was only a month going on 2 months. I experienced my first birthday without my dad that same year. And when I tell you no amount of gift or people could cheer me up. You’re literally grieving, so it’s okay if you feel your expectations weren’t met. You’re dealing with so many different emotions. Just talk to him and let him know how you feel