Step kids are really starting to bother me

Hi all. I'm expecting a little hate on this but it is what it is and maybe I need someone to tell me I'm wrong or for someone to tell me that it's normal to feel this way. My partner has 2 kids, 6 and 8, I've been with him for 3 years and I am 30 weeks pregnant. My partner lives with me in my 1 bedroom house and his kids with their mum. Their mum has got control of dad at all times no matter how much boundaries I try to put into place. Obviously dad would give up his life for his kids which any parent do so he allows his ex to dictate when he has them and everything. We have them literally every weekend and since falling pregnant I am so shattered, everything hurts from the long car journeys to get them, it's tiring sitting in parks all day and watching them whilst I suffer with PGP and dad isn't supportive. I believe the eldest to be autistic but again mum and dad claim she's normal and her behaviour is really starting to get to me, doing weird things, saying weird things, so rude and has no manners. (Their mum is lazy and filthy and doesn't care for any mess whereas it's different in my house). All they do is tell me about how mummy let's them do this and that and always mummy mummy mummy... I'm really starting to dread the day we have them. Since being pregnant and having a girl, I said to my partner that I will be applying for a 2 bedroom house since I'll be entitled to it and he's started saying "oh my two girls can have the room and baby can be with us until she's a bit older" he's also saying if I get a bigger place then we will have his kids every weekend and every holiday. God I'm dreading it and whenever I try to mention anything he says he loves his kids and it is what it is. I am just tired, I don't feel involved, the kids are always rude and lack manners. The 6 year old knows better than the 8 year old. We were in a shop getting a ham sandwich for a picnic and the 8 year old said she only likes teddy bear ham (she's picky and white lies allllllll the time) so my response was "come on you're 8 now" and he got sooo annoyed with me saying how dare I talk to her like that and that it's wrong of me. I guess I'm only stating that she's a big girl and ham is ham? He just babies the 8 year old alllllll the time. I'm just not sure how my future is looking especially when my daughter arrives... contemplating whether I could just do it alone because my mental health is declining...

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Firstly it is okay and I think very normal to feel this way. I have 2 step kids and it is bloody tough when you are expecting your own child. My feelings towards my step kids have changed since I gave birth and it makes me feel shit but I’m hoping things will get better. Can you have a sit down conversation with your partner when kids aren’t around and discuss how you are feeling, making him aware of how his actions make you feel and set some boundaries for when little one is here? Feel free to message me if you want to chat as a lot of the above I can relate to from personal experience x

I’m guessing from the ‘applying for a bigger house’ that you’re in a council house? Can you say to him that as it’s yours and his and your child’s name on the form of who is living there that the bedroom is for YOUR child.
Tbf I can understand him wanting his kids to have a room at yours but they have that at their mums house. Yours doesn’t have another house and will deserve their own space growing up too.
I think everyone’s feelings change toward their step kids when they have their own whether that’s for the better or worse but again that’s an ever changing journey and it’ll go through phases of getting better and worse so I wouldn’t stress too much about that if possible.
I’d make it clear that he will be expected to give as much time to his baby as he does his other children, weekends included. Which means sometimes he will need to just have a day with the baby and not the bigger kids too. Honestly I think the biggest problem is probably the ex having such a grip on your life.

Perfectly normal to feel like this.
I have 4 SKs under 10 and a 4 month old baby. I dread them coming, did before I had baby, too. They drive me potty. My feelings have changed for the worst, mind… sadly. I thought it would get better having one of my own.
We have a 3 bed house and they all (SKs 2boys, 2girls) share one room. My daughter will have her own space. Logistics of ages, etc will come when neede. They stay 2 nights a week. My partner was the same when we found out she was a girl… ‘oh the girls can all share’. No.. no they can’t. She deserves her own space, not waking up most days in a huge room with two empty beds there.
I love my partner and LOVE our time when it’s us 3. When the others are here I get overwhelmed and get really naggy. I never show it, really and treat them how id want my daughter to be treated. I’d settle for 2 any day of the week 😅
We have shit from their mother all the time. But they’re super happy here.
Good luck. You’ll know what’s right x

It’s definitely okay to feel like this.
I felt and still do feel like this sometimes. My partner has 2 boys & a girl from previous relationship, 12,11 and almost 10. So they’re close in age.
There is a family court order in place due to mum fleeing relationship in 2021 and my partner bringing kids back to Wales for 18m then their mum decided she wanted them back so took him to court and “won” by the third judge. Anyway, my baby was 7 days old and they were already here for the summer (4 weeks of it)
I never got that “new born bubble” my mental health absolutely went off the rails. I wouldn’t let any of them touch him, breathe in the same direction, things they all wanted to do at the time and still do now. He’s 10 months old and doesn’t want to be held anymore 😂 this effected my bonding with the baby, completely thought I was just babysitting him & I was just looking after him until somebody came and collected him and the “worst” of all, I didn’t love him, I knew I didn’t.. 1/2

Hey I understand your situation, I got 3 stepkids. I felt the exact same as you when I was pregnant with my son, it feels overwhelming for you as your emotions will be everywhere during pregnancy. I was the same, even though my step kids also doesn’t have manners, they don’t live with their mum but their nans (their mums side) and they live dirty too, don’t get taught manners either, very picky eaters, when they visit every weekend they’re also messy it’s ok I don’t mind cleaning up after them but it’s things like peeing on the toilet seat, not flushing chain etc it’s draining. It’s hard when where they live has like 0 rules they come to you and you have some boundaries for their benefit down the right path. Your partner should be abit more supportive and understand you’re going through a lot of changes and going to be a mumma yourself and being a mum AND a stepmum is hard work so I totally get you and just know that you can always message me there’s no judgement at all xx

2/2 - which is really sad to think now cause I love him more than anyone in the world!! I’d go to prison for this boy 🩵😂
Please address this and tell my story to your partner, I am now on sertraline for my PPD and I think I’ll continue it until I don’t need it anymore. I know I need it cause I forgot to take them this morning & I lost my 💩 completely 😂
Whatever you choose to do, your baby will be very much loved but needs a happy mama 🩷

I think feeling like this is completely normal. When I was pregnant I started noticing just how much my SK lacked in manners, and the behaviours he had. I think beforehand I didn’t really care 🤷🏽‍♀️ it didn’t affect me, he was round a couple times a week then he left.

When pregnant I started noticing everything! My partners parenting style, the fact he’d let so much slip. And how I wanted our child to act and behave better. Our 18 month old is better behaved than his 6 year old.

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This feels like a recurrent theme in my life but it’s ramped up. Our son is 2 later this month and he is getting soo dismissive of his dad. His dad has pretty delicate mental health so this hits him real hard and he tends to recoil (which we both know doesn’t help)

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Does anyone else’s husbands do this?

We have a two year-old little girl and she has always preferred me. Every time that daddy wants to play with her. She says no I want mom and it hurts his feelings every time and he gets really upset and I don’t know what to do to get her to wanna be with him more Because she was doing good for a while and then we moved and now she doesn’t want anything to do with him again is anyone else’s toddlers like this and it’s so stressful because I hate seeing him get hurt because our daughter doesn’t want him.
And it’s hard on me because I’m a stay at home mom and I’m with her 24 seven so I don’t ever get a break because she always wants me And never wants to go with her dad.

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