Regulation tips?

It’s a long one sorry…
I feel like I’m spiralling. I and my husband are both on the spectrum and as expected, so is our 2yo daughter. We’ve seen signs from about 4months, up to now. I’ve been a ft sahm since pregnancy and have tried to socialise her but after having HG and being bed ridden w my 2nd pregnancy I’ve definitely slipped a lot. I feel bad that we don’t get out anywhere near as much and I just feel like she’s missing out socially.
We recently enrolled her into swim lessons, the first w a group and her dad went horribly. She hated it which is surprising bc she LOVES swimming and water. She scream cried the whole time. We think due to so much going on. So we tried a 1on1 session today w just her and I. Again she scream cried but I’d manage to calm her on and off. She just couldn’t cope for the most part but when she was calm did so well. The teacher said to me it sounds bad but try not to comfort her too much bc it’s rewarding her behaviour. That rubbed me the wrong way. Then afterwards one of the reception staff asked if we were going to stick with the lessons or think about whether or not this is the right place for her. Ngl, I went home and cried. I’ve been working on calming techniques and regulation w her since she was 3-4 months old and to sit there and have all these backhanded comments broke my heart. I feel like the older she gets the more she’s going to be singled out and I hate that for her. I don’t know what more I can be doing for her and I just feel like I’m failing her so much right now.

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Yeah thats tough sorry to hear it has been so hard for you all.
You certainly have to make your own judgement on whether certain activities in certain circustances are right for your daughter, its your call so dont let other people push you into making a decision to quit.
Giving the classes a fair chance, if they arent right then perhaps 1 on 1 swim lessons might be better, only a suggestion as you know what she needs.

If you find she is triggered by noise, finding an environment for her to socialise where its quieter, baby groups or small meet ups in the park? Researching about how to socialise with sensory difficulties, as im no expert, just learn and adapt - and of course she may change slightly as she gets older so not ruling things out forever x

My son has level 3 non verbal I been a single stay at home mom ik exactly how overwhelming these moments are.

remember yall are making big steps and learning everyday!!
it won’t happen over night it takes repetition.
with her age it’s common for Nero typical kids to be overwhelmed and throw fits so with her and you being autistic , id give it time and grace and maybe show videos and visuals of other babies swimming and see how she reacts.

Cry also remember self care so u can give her the best you can give without being drained 🥹
Just helpful tips I’ll add u if u wanna ask me more ive learned so much!!!

Also maybe consider finding staff that are familiar with working around autistic children cause some are just naturally more ignorant.

As an autistic person myself and both my kids are- people will always have something to say-like they know best. But they don’t. It’s completely different raising autistic kid from an allistic kid. Things just go on different times, different paces. And that’s OK. Do what’s best for your family. You know what she needs no one else.

Sounds like you're doing your best in a very difficult situation especially when you're not feeling well with your pregnancy.
Was there a reason you chose swimming? Perhaps a different activity may suit her better for the moment. Swimming can be expensive and then to be feeling the pressure to be having a good time can make things seem worse. Ask on a local FB group to see if anyone can recommend any classes. Or meet some other mums in your area. Sending love and strength your way though x

she usually LOVES water. She always has. The frustrating part is everything they were trying to teach her is stuff I’ve already worked on with her so the whole thing felt unnecessary and I’m so upset I did that to her

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