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Attachment Parenting

Mum guilt

Hi guys… Just looking to hear if anyone feels the same as me.

I have so much Mum guilt every single day that it’s actually starting to get me down.

I have a 2 year old, we bed share, I still breastfeed, I only work a half day each week.

I am so grateful and thankful every day for my little man and I am so excited about the future. But alongside that I just feel really overwhelmed with guilt at times and it’s ridiculous but I can’t seem to help it.

I feel so guilty all of the time for the following;

-guilty that I look forward to working as it gives me a little break
-guilty that I don’t actually take my toddler to any classes anymore as he wasn’t enjoying them, we do the park and the zoo instead
-guilty that some days we don’t actually leave the house and on those days I actually get really overwhelmed because he wants to breast feed constantly
-guilty that I don’t always enjoy breastfeeding
-guilty that during the night when it’s the 5th time I’m up feeding I just think “I’m not enjoying this”
-guilty that as soon as my partner comes home I leave my toddler with him so I can decompress because I just feel like I desperately need to breathe and exist by myself for a bit
-guilty that I’m not an “all singing all dancing ALL the time” kind of mum like others seem to be, I do my best but I just feel knackered all of the time from the lack of sleep.
-guilty that I’ve started putting tv on to try and distract the wee one to give me a break from feeding (I just cannot feed more than once per hour now I need to have boundaries)
-then I’m guilty that I have boundaries 😭
-guilty that I do absolutely everything like meal planning, organising the food, snacks, dinners, activities, toys, clothing etc and I sometimes resent my partner for it (he is a good dad and partner but I still feel resentment over the amount he can do that I can’t)
-guilty that I feel overwhelmed with everything at times when I “should be just enjoying things”

I love being a mum and I feel so content but I do also feel really pretty overstimulated a lot of the time because I feel like I get very little break… Because I choose to bed share, breastfeed and only work half a day each week… I think the night feeding is a massive part of it because I actually had a massive cry to my partner the other night when my little man woke after 90 mins to feed and I just started sobbing “all I want is to just simply get a bit of sleep”. The sleep deprivation feels like torture at times, if we’ve had a particularly stressful day with the breastfeeding demands.

I am a really sensitive person, always putting others before me and I never ask for more support because again I feel guilty that I’m not just handling everything. My partner is constantly asking what he can do to help but in all honesty he’s doing everything possible. He is clocked on as soon as he gets home and he puts out son down each night after I feed him.

I’m not looking for advice or anything I’d just be intrigued to hear if I’m alone with all of this or if someone else out there feels the same as me?

Thanks for reading ☺️