Grandparents

Ugh lol I'm sorry ! You are right to feel weird about it. I would just be upfront and say you don't want ur kid to be confused and you will refer to him as grandpa or granpy or whatever you think if acceptable. I agree papa is weird. I call my husband papa when talking to the baby and honestly idk if I've ever heard anyone call their grandpa papa either. That's a little weird

What does your husband think? Are you planning to bring up baby bilingual? I don't fully get it but your the parent so make sure your view is heard! 😊

I think grand pere sounds infinitely cooler than papa for a grandpa. But that's me.

Papa seems weird to me too for a grandpa but I don't have any advice other than too make sure your kids knows who is who and let them choose what to call them growing up.

(Not bilingual but I speak some French and my kid is in French immersion. I tried to get him to use Papa but he's settled on "daddy")

thank youuu. Yeah I have said I dont want him confused. They still continue. Right its weird!!

i think he wants there to be a agreement where everyones happy but idk how thats possible. Yes Im bringing him up to be bilingual :)

very good points and thank you for the validation honestly

I am french and I would never allow my son to call anyone who is not his dad, papa.
A talk should be made with the grandfather for him to choose a name he likes and that's ok for you too.

ive tried telling them exactly that and it makes me so uncomfortable and still they continue. Considering not letting them see him

If they can't respect you as a parent, they don't deserve to be around that much. People are just so disrespectful. That's too bad for them

My grandpa is a Papa. I don't really think you can expect concessions for your own culture without acknowledging the other, if that makes sense. Like in your culture it means dad, but in ours it means grandpa. I can see why it would bother you, but I think cutting them off from seeing their grandchild over a name that is perfectly appropriate in their culture is very harsh. I was actually kind of sad that my own dad wanted to be grandpa instead of Papa. Because my Busia and Papa were my favorite people growing up, so I have to mentally correct myself and call my dad "grandpa" instead of "Papa" around my son because it's so ingrained.

@Ingrid I think the bigger issue here is your inlaws disrespecting your boundaries and disregarding your concerns. This is beyond the silly name, but now it's turned into them thinking they can do what they want with your kids. You as a parent have the final say. If they don't comply they can simply not see your kids anymore because this is a red flag that they will be toxic in other aspects too. I would just set a boundary of "my kids are going to refer to you as grandpa, and I ask you to respect my decision, if you cannot respect my decision regarding my children we will no longer chose to visit or see you "

It’s the same as UK, Papa means Dad so I would have felt the same

yes exactly thank you.

i think papa being dad is a thing in like, at least 6 countries! Shame :/

My mom wanted to be called MumC. I noped out on that one and started referring to her as Grandma MumC. My kid now calls her that. Because she hears me talking about Grandma MumC more than she hears anyone else talking about her. So pick a name for him and use it. Maybe Grandpapa. Your kid will probably follow your lead.

Here in the uk I have a papa and my son has a papa (both mean grandpa for us) however for you that’s a boundary as your uncomfortable with it, are they taking into consideration that it means dad for you?

Just teach child preferred names even have pictures you show them saying said nake

they’re not. Ive suggested he chooses something else and my husband suggested poppy which is similar but not exactly it. I brought it up as a concern in a nice way twice and he considered it as “a question” idk what that means

oh thats a good option

I get it! I would definitely have a chat with your husband - would probably feel more strongly if this situation were referred to Mama’s name.. but if your husband is ok with it I mean.. 😅

Maybe have a conversation with him about much it bothers you, he might get a better understanding why it bothers you, however this is the joys of having both parents involved, you won’t always agree with each other but if dad is ok with it then I don’t really think there is much you can do

My mom wanted to be called "ma" and she tried several times and I let her know we're a two mom home and so one of us is mom/mama and the other is Mami and thats it. She cant be ma because shes not the mother. I gave her options.

Maybe give your fil options. Explain that for YOU papa means father and youre not okay with anyone being referred to as papa who isn't her father. That you want to meet in the middle and honor or respect both cultures? He can be poppop, grandpa, gramps,...

Our little one calls her grandpa, Lito, which is short for abuelito.

I tried have a conversation, like I said I brought it up more than once. My husband is not ok with it because he’s taking my nationality in consideration. We take each other’s side even if it’s regarding our parents which i find very healthy, because we always consider everyone’s POV

That’s a good start then!! Between you and your husband decide on what you would like grandparents to be called and like others have said just refer to them as what you would like, baby will take your lead on what they call people

Aww I get this! Can you just start calling him something else & hope baby catches on? From a person who’s son calls my dad papa (sorry hahaha)

Grandparents don't get to pick their grandparent names. The grandchildren get to pick it.
When talking to your LOs about your FIL, refer to him as the name YOU want them to call him and it'll stick or get modified by how your LO pronounces it

@Charlotte, that is a cultural thing. Some people do take their parents' requests into consideration. It's called respect.

My grandfathers went by their names. My Grandma's went by "Nana". So I asked my parents what they wanted to go by, and if my partner and I thought it was a respectful, appropriate choice, we would accept their choice. My Dad is Grandpa 'name', and my mum is Grandma.

My partner's mum chose Grannie for the first grandkid on their side, and his dad chose Grandpa. The eldest grandchild couldn't pronounce Grandpa, and a new name was born. He has been Umpa ever since.

Also, the children actually often don't get to choose because the name is chosen before they can speak. Sometimes, it changes based on how they pronounce it, and sometimes the pronunciation is corrected, and the kids adapt.

Grandkids choose, so choose a name YOU want, is also two different bits of advice. Either the grandkids choose or their parents do but often, not both.

I would have another conversation with your partner, but this time, ask him what his feelings are on this. If you agree this is a boundary, then he needs to enforce it. Come up with some options together and he can present them to his Dad and say he chooses from the list or you choose for him but Papa is a boundary and if he uses it, you'll remove your son from the room/area. Get him to explain about your culture and why this is important to you both.

I will say. This won't confuse your child, though. Parents often think things are confusing for kids that aren't.

I call my grandfather pa pa and I've done that since I was a child and still do it now as a adult. I guess it depends on the culture and people.