Pick up put down (PUPD) method - sleep training

I’m sorry, but it’s not recommended to ‘sleep train’ until at least over 6 months.
When a baby cries they feel unsafe, all they learn to do is to stop crying, because they know their cry won’t be answered.
When you’re rocking your baby it’s providing a sense of comfort and safety. That’s needed for baby to fall asleep. They’re vulnerable and the instinctual part of the brain knows this. You’re also provided a model of emotional regulation by patting, shushing and rocking. A child cannot successfully self regulate until 5, until then it needs to be modelled, and modelled consistently.

I know this isn’t the answer you’re searching for, but more research and studies are being done around infant sleep and how sleep training can have a detrimental affect.

I tried the pupd method for 2 weeks with my little girl and it did nothing- she would tire herself out from crying so much that she would eventually just fall asleep in my arms as soon as I picked her up, it was also really taxing on my back.

We moved on to do a gentle and modified Ferber method and it has been a dream- she took to it really well and cried significantly less than when doing the pupd method - it was heartbreaking the first night but it was just the adjustment, we realised soon after doing the Ferber method and getting full nights sleep that the pupd was too stimulating for her.

I hope whatever you try works :)

Agree with 100%. Sleep training isn’t good for babies. The only reason it ‘ works ‘ is that baby gives up and eventually stops crying…

Thanks Emma & Adrienne, we aren’t letting him cry it out like the Ferber method. Every time he cries, we are picking him up and comforting him before putting him back down. 5 months of waking up every 1-3 hours has burnt us out, don’t know how much longer we can realistically go on for so I think it’s worth trying something to help all of us function better!

Chloe, thanks for sharing. Are you able to give more detail on what the gentle and modified version of the Ferber method is please? I’ve not heard of this before.

Whilst I do agree to some extent with the concerns around sleep training, I believe it very much depends on the method used. I also agree that five months is likely too young, and would personally recommend waiting until around 7–8 months.

The method I used ensured all of my baby’s needs were met — I always responded to her if she was still crying after a short period. She communicates clearly with me throughout the day when she’s upset or needs something, and our bond remains strong.

I think it’s important not to present opinions as universal facts, especially when the evidence is still mixed. I work with children and have studied child development, brain development, and psychology in depth. From my understanding and experience, allowing a baby short periods of crying — while still responding and being emotionally available — can actually support the development of self-regulation and emotional resilience.

Every parent needs to do what’s right for them

Of course!

So I would do her evening routine as normal and then put her down in her cot awake but drowsy, I then said a sleep phrase (this is roughly the same each night) and then I left the room.

If she started crying I’d set a timer for one minutes and at the end of that minute if she was still crying I’d go in a comfort her without picking her up and then I’d leave and reset the timer this time leaving it to run for 3 minutes before going back in and repeating the comforting. It then went to 5 minutes of waiting but tbh it only went to the 5 minutes once or twice and the longest it took her to settle was 20 minutes - the shortest with the pupd was 1.5 hours

I also made sure I responded to her cries - I could tell when it was changing from a little bit upset cry to a complete distress cry- any signs of that I would completely stop and give her a cuddle and calm her down before restarting.

Like I said in my first comment she cried so much less doing this method.

Thank you Chloe, that’s really helpful.

How old was your little one when you tried this? Perhaps we are trying a little too early as you mentioned but he does manage to get himself to sleep by sucking his hand, though just not consistently.

How long did it take you to start seeing results from doing this method?

We didn't need to do sleep training until our little boy was 9 months, luckily, as he slept through from 2 months old until his first regression at 8 months, which coincided with his first Christmas. I'm not really sure what method we used as my husband did the sleep training. He just used to sit & stroke my little boy's arm until he went to sleep at first & then he would get further & further away, until he was no longer in the room with him.

I believe she was 8 months and we also combined it with moving her into her own room.

Honestly within a day or two- I was so shocked.

We’re now 2/3 months in and she’s woken during the night twice in total and she also goes to sleep with no crying now xx