My mom made a "joke" that fully disturbed me

My mom is often quite cruel to me, and that's just her personality. She's a sharp-tongued person. She's always had a strong preference for her son/my brother over me. I always thought it was a good thing that my mom loves my daughter a lot. But, since my brother got married, my mom's treatment towards myself and my daughter has gotten worse. My mom is a bit more harsh towards my 18-month-old daughter. It's a bit more strict but still loving. Recently, because she's been a bit more cruel than usual, I asked her why she was being so rude and mean. She started laughing and said that maybe if she's cruel enough, I'll commit suicide and she can have my daughter. I really couldn't speak, and when I did, I said, "Why are you speaking like this?" My mom got very angry and said: "OMG YOU’RE DOING IT AGAIN. ALWAYS CRYING AND RUINING EVERYTHING. YOU CAN'T EVEN TAKE A JOKE. WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU. NO WONDER EVERYONE HATES YOU." My husband didn't feel very comfortable with that joke and is completely convinced that there is no way she is my biological mother. I somehow convinced him it's a cultural joke. I really didn't know what to do. I never go to my parents' house on my own. My parents come, and they beg and beg until my husband feels sorry for them and has us go. I've been having a lot of conversations with my husband about how my mother hates me. He doesn't buy the cultural differences or sharp-tongue excuse anymore.

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Cultural jokes from hardened and calloused women and mothers are extremely common, and equally disappointing and disturbing. The system has made them cold, gas lighters and a detriment to themselves and the generations to follow. Our generation will be the change. We are hyper aware, accountable and reasonable. Somehow we have to get past this, not correct them and simply set boundaries. They stomp on you when you’re vulnerable but when you put up a wall they will somehow find a way to make you the problem. It’s entirely them not being able to see themselves and all you can do is push positivity into the air, protect yourself and your daughter. Thank God your husband is around.

I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this, nobody deserves to be spoken to or treated that way, especially by a parent. Your feelings are completely valid, and it’s understandable that you don’t feel safe or respected around her. It’s okay to step back, set firm boundaries, and protect your daughter and yourself from behaviour that hurts you. You don’t need to visit out of guilt or pressure. Take things at your own pace, and only explore questions about your background if you feel ready. Reaching out for support, whether from friends, a therapist, or people who understand family difficulties, can really help you feel less alone and more confident in your decisions.

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