Would you expect your husband to pay some bills? Or do something to help in some category.. emotionally, financially, spiritually..

I I’m just trying to find a balance in our marriage so that we are both happy. Because I am not happy at this point

Dont think I would expect him to pay more in bills if you're making that much but other stuff definitely needs a compromise so you're both happy otherwise there isn't any point in being together xx

For the bills I wouldn't say so, but if he spends that much time playing video games, I am assuming he works part time. And if his time isn't spent helping with kids/house I would 100% expect him to look for a full time job and bring more money in.

All of the rests are big red flags, too. Sorry you are going through this.

He seems to be a half assed person overall.
Good luck

So years ago when I was still working he paid the rent. I paid the water electric and bought all of our groceries. At the time we were just dating so he paid for his car insurance. I paid for mine. Then when we bought our house 5 years ago I was still working. He paid the mortgage. I paid the electric water, bought the groceries and any extras like Hulu, Netflix plus paid for our internet. While we were going through IVF after we lost our second transfer, we both agreed that we could do it on his income alone and decided that I would stop working if we actually wanted to give IVF a fair shot because me being A mechanic and then switching to being in dealership. Parts department was a lot of physical stress and since we were paying out of pocket for IVF we wanted the best shot so I stopped working. Now we never switched what bills come out of my account. What comes out of his both accounts we had before we met and we just added the other party over the years

The financial side is tricky because obviously there’s a massive difference in your wages. However - if he’s playing video games for 6 hours a day he’s never going to earn any more money in order to contribute more. If he was spending those 6 hours a days helping with childcare or doing more around the house I’m sure the financial side wouldn’t actually be so much of any issue. The problem is your shouldering all of the responsibility if you are responsible for paying all the bills, caring for the kids and doing the lions share of housework too. There’s an imbalance that needs resolving and from what you have said it’s the gaming that is causing these problems. I honestly think with some people it’s like an addiction and it clouds their judgement.

He would annoy me and would have to go it’s almost like you’re taking care of another child. Does he at least pay for date nights or pay for the family trips? He needs to step his game up or leave. You can find someone who is willing to help and love on you without having to ask.

My husband and I both work full time and make about the same amount of money and we don’t even talk about money. The only recent conversation I recall that we had about it, our only goal was to make sure neither of us had too many of the bills/expenses to be comfortable. Same goes for chores and childcare. If one of us is overwhelmed, the other steps in and takes on more without having to be asked. It feels like a very fair and equitable partnership with a ton of give and take and that’s just how it has to be with kids involved. It sounds like you definitely need to have an honest conversation and maybe talk to a couples therapist.

I do think he should be paying more as he’s ended up with more disposable income than you even though he earns less! He also needs to be doing is fair share at home!
If you’re not happy and he doesn’t change I’d seriously be thinking about why you’re staying in the relationship, i doesn’t seem like you’re benefiting from it at all.

Thats a man child 😭 im so sorry you’re dealing with that, but like how gross and how much of a turn off is it to have to beg for someone to give their fair share in a relationship when it’s this inequitable and that doesn’t already dawn on him or bother him.. like idk. To me that just says so much about a man, if I could afford to I would take an official break and let him figure things out on his own for a while because he sounds so reliant on you and just comfortable being less than mediocre

What does he do for a living? Because I wanna do it if you have 6 hours a day to lay around! 😂

he works 40-45 hours a week. He gets on the game every night around 8pm and he plays until like 3am sometimes later if he’s off the next day

yes exactly how I feel. I’m just so turned off now. I don’t get how he thinks this is ok.. I just feel like he should notice. I don’t get why I have to say something

yeah honestly I’m just so annoyed. It’s just a sad situation honestly

yeah I’m going to have a talk with him. But I’m trying to figure out a way to make it so I’m not “coming at him”. Like more so an open convo. It’s unfortunate I have to bring up the convo but I have to cause I’m losing my mind

yeah it feels that way right now. I’m trying to be patient but somethings got to change soon or I’m out

he relies too much on me I think. I hate the video games. It seems so useless to me

yeah I’m definitely asking for more in every category. I’m done being pretty much the sole provider

Write a chart. Put everything you do down on one side and everything he does down on the other side. Be impartial. If he takes out the trash, note that. Then write the hours you both work per week and what percentage of your income goes towards common household bills. DON'T specify the actual dollar amounts and remove anything from that $9500 in bills monthly that isn't household related. For example, if part of his $500 is video game related, that's a "his" expense. If part of your $9k is your hair and nails, then that's a "her" expense.

When it's written down in black and white and accurate, one cannot argue with the list.

Thank you everyone for the advice. I am going to have a serious talk with him to discuss how things will need to change in some sort.. I will give it time and if that doesn’t work then I’ll leave. Thank you ❤️

Not to be nosy, but what do you do? Because if it isn't an impossible job, I want to be that too.

Going to give him the benefit of the doubt and ask if he could be depressed? Sounds like you don’t really NEED him. Some men withdraw because of depression or being unhappy. Not saying it’s right, just putting it out there.

I work in tech as a software engineer. I have a masters degree but you can get the same job with certifications, if you don’t have a masters

6+ hours a day of video games would drive be crazy

I don’t know what could be making him depressed honestly.. I do everything to keep him happy even when I’m not. I do think it’s time for a serious convo to address everything. Maybe there is something I’m not seeing that is the problem

Don’t ask! Demand more! More more more tf! You said Husband not boyfriend, not baby daddy. HUSBAND! Bc baby if he won’t someone will! You deserve more of everything. Idk why they have to complain & then do stuff. Just do it and be happy about it!

You got a kid not a husband this will wear you down

Ugh seriously so annoying. I could write so much of this myself. On one hand, I love my husband, he’s a great dad, and he does a lot. On the other hand, you can’t tell me you have time to move all of our down stairs furniture around while I’m at work then tell me you can’t keep the house reasonably tidy because you are a SAHD to a 5 month old. He couldn’t do it pre-baby, and our kiddo is pretty easy going. I put him in his wagon with toys while I pulled weeds this weekend. You’re telling me you can’t scrub a toilet or vacuum the floor more often?

Genuine question; from your perspective what are you getting in return?

barely anything really. It just sucks because when I said my vows, I meant them and I want to work through this. I’m hoping this is just a phase