How can you help a toddler who can't self soothe?

Have you tried a weighted blanket? Might help especially if hes specifically falling asleep with cuddles. You could also have a custom photo pillow made so he can have a picture of you near by

Why wouldn’t you try the cry it out method? It won’t kill him and it’ll teach him to self sooth. Face it every time he cries or something you WON’T be there it’s a fact and he’ll have to learn how to soothe himself. Unless from now until forever he’s always going to be around you. You’re going to go crazy and giving him milk every time even though he doesn’t need it doesn’t teach him anything but codependency on milk

Mine is going through the same at the moment. I think it’s just a phase and hoping it will get better . We are trying a really gradual approach but who knows 🤷🏻‍♀️🫠

What’s your daily schedule?

Our little boy had a milk dependency and then I got pregnant. So we got a sleep coach who told us that it’s improve over a period of 2/3 weeks with her plan. After 4 days he was sleeping through the night. She broke it down into 3 day blocks. So first block was no milk before 12am, then next block was no milk before 3am then next was 5am. (He stopped asking for milk after about 5 days) If he woke we were to leave him in bed and provide support, shhing, patting etc no talking. Then after that it was less support as he was able to soothe himself. also we were supposed to leave him for 2 mins before going in, then 5, then 10 by the time we got to 10 mins he’d 99% of the time settle himself. Also milk before bed was away from his bedroom. So milk downstairs with stories and then change and then more stories in bed.
Honestly the first 3 nights were hard, VERY little sleep but then afterwards it’s been amazing. 9 months later and he sleeps through still.

I disagree but to each their own

I personally don’t think so. I swear YALL think everything is child abuse 🙄 yall realize every time a child cries and you run they will do it just for you to run. How do they cope on their own if you run emergency or not? Those are Yall kids so do what you want. To each their own

Mine is going through the same too. Last night I was in his room sleeping on the floor 3 times for about an hour each (because I fall asleep too lol) when I begin to feel frustrated I try to remind myself that this season will pass sooner than I think. Our babies needing us like this will only last so long. Soon there will be a ‘keep out’ sign on their door. For now I try to breathe through my frustration and take solace in the fact that I am my son’s secure attachment. His safe place. You’re doing a great job mama ❤️

No advice to give here. We cosleep with our 25 months old. If he wakes he sees us and fall back asleep without any issue. I don't know if that might be an option for you. He sleeps, we sleep. Everyone is happy 😊

It will get better momma my now 5 year old used to be that way until I have her a stuffed animal that smelled like me

there are other methods to help children learn to self soothe and understanding their emotions. Just because it worked for parents In the past who had NO IDEA what is traumatizing to a child. Research has been done on children who had the cry it out method and stayed with them into adulthood for the studies. It does cause harm. Just because you don’t hit them doesn’t mean it isn’t abuse. Some of us want to be there for our children the way our parents were not.

Parents like you are the adults I don’t want near my children at all honestly 🤷🏻‍♀️ “YALL” do not enough empathy. Cry it out method only serves the parents. It’s a selfish act if you ask me. You’d have to be a lunatic to be okay listening to your child cry and not want to help or be there for them. 🙄

welp thank god I’d never be around your child 🙃 there’s a difference between completely ignoring your screeching child and teaching your child some independence. The most selfless thing you can do is have a child. Burn out is a real thing and if your child’s needs are met, them crying for attention just because and nothings wrong creates bad habits. I asked why not that’s all. Didn’t bash for what yall do with your children. She sounds like she’s done what she can to help her toddler. You act like I said lock him away and put on headphones 🙄 i think you need a nap. To each their own as I stated before. Not my monkey not my circus

okay…🤷🏽‍♀️

Self soothing is something you can’t really teach - the part of the brain responsible for it doesn’t finish developing until we’re in our mid 20s. Little ones need external soothing and their needs met responsively from a caregiver over and over again to be able to eventually develop the skills that will help them self regulate themselves.

It’s common to have an increase in separation anxiety around the age of two which might not be helping! What’s his sleep schedule like? Is he having too much sleep during the day?

If it’s because of separation anxiety you’re best off focusing on connection around bedtime, and there are some strategies you can put in place overnight that focus on connection!

My daughter is about the same age, and we've been going through sleep troubles, too. If it gets really bad, we'll start co-sleeping for a few weeks until her anxiety gets better. If we want her to sleep in her room all night, for wakeups. We'll do a brief cuddle / rock in the rocking chair, then back in her crib awake. Usually she asks me to sit by her crib, then stay outside her door for a little bit. Sometimes it helps if we leave the door cracked a little until she falls asleep. I think she just doesn't like feeling alone.

I co sleep and her crib is next to our bed. That is the best way truly.

I’m so sorry for your experience. It’s just not something I’ve experienced with myself or my child. All I asked was why not and got called a lunatic as if I leave children alone to scream at the top of their lungs. All parents can do what they want. Also saying read studies when in a few years those studies will be debunked I’m okay on that. As I stated before to each their own and do what you want with your children and what works. But from what I’m seeing nothing seems to be working. Also you can be the best mom always there every time they open their mouths and can still grow up with soothing issues, communication issues, attachment issues and you’ll run to this group saying I’ve done everything and my kid is still not soothed. To call me a lunatic because I disagree is wild especially because I know I’m not and my 12 year old son is amazing with how he handles his emotions.

ok

okay

I ignore all the cry it out Mums because it's only going to last so long and you'll miss it when those days are gone. I don't care what anyone else thinks been co-sleeping since he was 4 months old and it's been amazing and a lot easier on us

Self-soothing is a misnomer. It references the ability to calm down when you are dysregulated and upset. Falling asleep without much assistance isn't the same as self-soothing - at toddler age, you have to know the difference between "I'm crying because I want something and know that if I cry, I will get it" and "I'm dysregulated and need help."

The former is a product of habit. If you give in and give milk all the time when he cries, he learns that if he cries enough, he gets milk. If you don't give in and hold that boundary, he will figure out that he won't get milk (and no, toddlers don't "need" midnight milk and snacks. The human body is built to fast overnight, and snacking causes metabolic dysregulation, we've all heard the "don't eat after 8 pm" advice).

This doesn't mean you aren't actively comforting him. You can give comfort but still hold your boundary. This isn't cruel, it's teaching that there are limits and you will hold them, which allows for healthy emotional regulation.

Sigh cry with them it’s all u can do

My daughter wouldn't sleep while I tried to study for school. I became her excitement. She now needs to tell me everything or suddenly ask for things at bedtime stay focused on keeping things quite and redirecting back to bed