I’m at my breaking point

It's ok to set boundaries around sleep if it's not working for you! If you can hire a sleep consultant that is a social worker it might be covered by your benefits. It was life changing for us and I have no regrets

First thing to address, if you are having those intrusive thoughts you should see your doctor. That is nothing to brush off, especially postpartum! We didn’t sleep train, but I did help teach her to call back asleep during naps by modifying the bedside soothing. We would lay in my bed and just hang out as she rolled around, maybe cried for a second or two, and I just soothed her without picking her up but laying next two her until she fell asleep. Either transferred her or landed there the whole time while she was napping. Did that for every nap for a week and now when she wakes up in the middle of the night she has those skills but we didn’t have to use CIO.

I felt the same, and so we sleep trained, even though I didn’t want to, and it was life-changing. There was one night of him crying and every night since then he has gone to sleep peacefully and seems so much happier himself. If he wakes up, he just rolls over and settles himself back to sleep instead of crying for us, which kept all of us up at night. I really do think it was better for everyone.

I am pretty anti-sleep training and I cosleep with my 10 month daughter in order to manage the frequent wakings. If sleep training is what you need to do in order to function and and be okay, you should try at least. I would recommend checking out the sleep training sub on Reddit. The pinned advice gives a good mix of options and the frequent commenters/mods can give really helpful tips and feedback. It doesn't have to be CIO or nothing.

(Also, what temp is it in your baby's room? It was 20-21 in mine and we recently bumped it up for 23. We went from 5-7 wakings most nights to 2-4.)

My first was a terrible sleeper and it turned out to be oral ties causing tension in his face and also trapped muscles. He had his tongue divided and body work with a chiropractor which resolved it. Maybe be worth having him assessed if you haven’t already

I know its easier said than done but it gets better. Mine was a terrible terrible sleeper too. Which is why my postpartum was no less than hell. He used to cry so much. Oh god thinking about that phase gives me goosebumps. And the worst part was he would only sleep in my arms. Not his bassinet, not in his crib, not on bed. Just my arms. Till about first 6 months of his life he only took contact naps. But then it slowly started to get better on his own. When he realized that he is more comfortable on bed. Initially I would rock him for an hour only for him to nap for 20 mins. Now he naps unassisted for 2 hours on his own bed. And honestly for us, time was the only thing. At around 12 month mark, he grew out of this loop of short naps. Now he sleeps 11 hours at night. Of course some nights are still tough but mostly he soothes himself back to sleep. He is 15 months old now and its been so great.