My Postpartum Depression Story

Hi all, I just want to share my postpartum story with all of you. From 10/17 to 10/23, I was admitted to the hospital for postpartum depression. If any of you are going through it, please please please go get help. It is so important to take care of yourself and get your mind right.

*WARNING: This is going to be a long post. *

This is extremely tough for me to share. On the afternoon of 10/16, I went to the ER after a session with my therapist for Postpartum Depression.

The night before, I had a terrible thought of harming my son. I knew something was wrong the minute I had that thought, and I knew I needed to get help. I spent all night in a windowless grieving room in the ER drifting in and out of sleep and processing these emotions. And on 10/17, I voluntarily went into a behavioral health center.

Did you know that 1 in 8 women experience Postpartum Depression after giving birth? Because I sure as hell didn’t. It’s a lot more common than people realize. After I gave birth, I didn’t realize how sleep-deprived I was, on top of the severe hormone crash that typically occurs. This is what causes Postpartum Depression, as well as having intense thoughts and emotions. I used my time in the behavioral health center to get some much-needed sleep and to cope with my hormone crash. It was nice not having my phone, and I was able to read books, color a picture of my son, draw, and even make a beaded bracelet with some of my floor mates, who were so nice.

Today, I am back home with Jon and Jonny and I am feeling a lot better. This is one of the hardest things I’ve ever been through, but I will continue working with my therapist. I am extremely fortunate to have such a wonderful support system in my family.

The reason I’m sharing my story is to help any new mothers out there who may be or have been experiencing Postpartum Depression. I urge you to be brave and seek help if you need it. It’s so important, whether you’re a new mom like me, not a new mom, or just someone with anxiety and depression. Take care of yourself.

This photo is a reminder of what I went through and to always remember that I can be strong for my family. 🩵

in our community

Wdy think of this for a toddler to learn word construction?

I'm open to anything else to start teaching him to read and write. He's 3!

Do men really enjoy fellatio?

Been together more than 10 years, but it's been a while since he even seemed remotely interested in me getting on my knees, or vice versa so to speak. I think it was once last year. Must be something I am doing wrong 🤔. Generally everything else in that department is great and we have two young kids with no extra support, so it's quite surprising we can't keep our hands off each other but may need to try new things. It's basically 2 positions each time with some foreplay.

I think Motherhood has made me more bitter than I realized…

This is such a ramble but I don’t know where else to put it all.

I’m four months in and I don’t really have hobbies right now. I don’t do anything for myself except maybe doomscrolling or listening to a podcast while I breastfeed my baby. I used to craft and have game nights with friends. Activities that usually are at least 2 hour stretches. Now if I have an hour free my mind immediately goes to baby, or doing something in the house for baby.

And I thought I didn’t mind. Like I knew postpartum could be very mentally consuming. But I think it’s altering how I view people around me and it’s prodding at my relationship with my husband.

He spends most of his time making food for us, looking after our dogs, playing with the baby, ect. But he still has time for his hobby. Spends maybe an hour a night on it. Even adapted to using a bot for shopping for his hobby after a certain incident where we had to have a heart to heart after he left me home alone with the baby for hours during a busy workday (I work from home) to shop for his hobby.

And yet there’s like this little green eyed monster in me that rages every time I know he’s running off to start up the bot. Even though I’m the reason he does it this way.

We took a family trip last weekend to see his best friend and their kids and let them meet the baby. He brought the laptop. He’s always brought a laptop on trips and it’s never been a problem to me before. But one night we both woke up while the baby was still asleep, and he wandered out of the room. I tried to fall back asleep but couldn’t. So I went to the kitchen to try having something warm to drink to settle me. And he was there at the table running the bot from his laptop. I flipped out at him. But there really wasn’t reason to. It’s not like I needed help with the baby and he was ignoring me. He wasn’t avoiding our friends. He was just awake and unable to sleep and found something to do with his time. Yet my snap reaction was “why the hell would you do this on a family trip?”

I don’t know what it is. Maybe it’s the less complete sleep from baby’s middle of the night feed? My brain being just consumed by baby? Maybe I’m not as over that shopping incident as I thought? But I’m just so annoyed at his hobby right now. The green eyed monster thinks “you could be using that time differently” but realistically to do what exactly??? Stare at our baby in the dark???

I spent probably an hour apologizing to him after I snapped. And he’s of course hurt and frustrated because I said some very mean things in the moment.

I don’t want to be this jealous, angry person. But I also don’t know how to find time for myself in this right now outside of basic hygiene. It’s like I’ve forgotten how to be myself, even if just for an hour.

Maybe I need a therapist.

Naps

How is everyone doing for naps?

Little one is 9 months old and will have 2 half hour naps and one solid 1 hour - 2 hour nap a day

Then settles for night around 9pm. Wakes for a feed around 3:30 then sleeps until 6-7

Vanilla extract

Has anyone used alcohol free vanilla in their babies formal to help them drink?
I’m 100% sure my baby refuses her bottles as she doesn’t like the taste of it!

Just anxious to try it, don’t want her to get used to it and then refuse bottles again after two weeks of using (correct me if I’m wrong but I’ve read you use it for 2 weeks max)

TIA 🙂

Pumping advise

FTM to a 2 week old! I’m breastfeeding and then giving one formula bottle last in the evening before bed. I want to start expressing milk to give me some breathing room and also allow my partner to be more involved in feeding. I’m finding the idea of introducing pumping into my day quite overwhelming though. I don’t want to take milk away from my baby by pumping if he needs it during the day when being breastfeed.

Can anyone advise how I start pumping and when to do it? Thank you!