Advice

Anyone else really struggling to ‘find’ themselves since having their baby? My LG will be 2 in March and I don’t like anything about myself. I don’t like my clothes or how I look. I’m struggling to loose my ‘baby weight’ and the weight I had before I had my LG. I work 5 days a week, I don’t drive so trying to find time to go to the gym etc is really difficult.

My partner and I have had a lot of issues before we had our baby as well as currently - looking at other girls Infront of me when we was out, zooming in on other girls pictures Infront of me etc. watching porn - just a preference but I don’t think someone in a ‘happy’ relationship at the first chance he gets (staying away from us for 1 night) to pleasure himself watching someone else when he is with me 99% of the time. He knows how it makes me feel and what it does to my confidence and how I see myself. He constantly lies about things, I pay for the majority of everything to do with our daughter - clothes essentials food etc.

I guess what I’m wanting to know is - has anyone got any tips on how I can ‘find’ myself again. Do I need to leave him in order to find myself? We have taken ‘breaks’ before because I had enough but he’s always been able to worm himself back in. I’m terrified of being a single mum but I’m also terrified of not being able to give my daughter a happy fit healthy mummy who can go on the park or in soft play centres etc without being worried or ashamed. (Don’t get me wrong I still do all of these things but i just feel disgusting and ashamed.

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.

Add a comment

Hi. Add me

Hiya, I think the fact that you see it as a choice - staying with your partner and feeling like you have lost yourself, or being a single mum and finding yourself says it all really. In a healthy relationship you wouldn't feel you had to choose, and a healthy partner would support you in finding yourself/figuring out who you are post baby.
Your partner sounds disrespectful and emotionally abusive. What he's doing sounds really hurtful. Also it doesn't matter what anyone else's preferences are, these are yours and he knows that and is purposefully doing the opposite to hurt you.
Being a single mum myself and a survivor of emotional abuse I would say that being a single mum is really tough and so is the moving on as you are still having to see the other parent. But, while it's the end of something and there is loss and grief that comes with it, it's also the start of something new, better, freer. And not just for yourself but for your little one. Good luck x

I would say that to find yourself, you need to love yourself and then ditch the disrespectful loser that you are with. You don’t have to be a single mom forever but you can certainly be with someone that treats you better than he does.

in our community

5 month old activities

Hey everyone my baby is 5 months old and I want to reduce/cut screen time as I have read up on how bad it is what activities did people do to keep their baby entertained. Thank you in advance.

Tablet for kids

Alright don’t need any negative Nancy’s telling me not to get my 2yo a tablet so if that’s what your gunna do please don’t participate in my poll.

We’re about to move cross country 3+ day trip and my 2yo and 9m hate the car I’m talking scream their heads off till they are out of their seats. We’ve already changed car seats and it didn’t help so I’d like to at least have one entertained and sit next to baby and try and distract her or put her to sleep. Our new car has tvs but since they are rear faced my 2yo can’t see it.

Debating getting her a tablet or dvd player right now on long car rides I end up giving her my phone because I get so overwhelmed sitting in between both of them screaming and crying.

And yes I do bring different toys I bring snacks I play songs try to distract her other ways but for the sake of not losing my mind on this move I think this is best.

-A very overwhelmed and anxious to move mama 😓

My friend is over from another country but I don't feel like leaving the house

One of my old friend's is visiting where I currently live and we agreed to meet up today but I feel so tired and exhausted from everything that's been going on with me. I feel if I meet her I'm going to end up having another breakdown from the exhaustion which I have been having often. I'm just thinking about how I need to rest to be able to deal with my toddler and go back to work on Monday without feeling like I need another weekend. I'm torn on what to do so I need you guys to help me decide

Struggling

My husband works and does so much for me and my baby girl. However I get annoyed every time he hops on a video game he usually plays for 1-2 hrs if she's still awake and has like 3+hrs of free time once she goes to sleep (i co/contact sleep). The last time I was able to have actual free time was last month when I tried to turn some onesies into shirts for baby girl to sleep in- and I wasn't able to finish them and haven't picked them up since lol. The only free time I get is while she's napping right next to me where I can't move an inch or breathe too deeply or she'll wake up, or when I shower. Crafting used to be my outlet and now if I were ever to tell him that I need to craft I don't even know what I would do or where to start I just sit there and stare.... just losing myself and I'm struggling with it. Does anyone else feel the same way? What do I do?

Baby Food Maker

What’s everyone’s thoughts on a baby food maker? I’m looking to get Baby Breeza or Grownsy. Thoughts? What does everyone like?

Weaning

Hello mamas,could I get some advice please with how and what to wean as started this week with my baby but not really what to give and when what time day. Have started with puree vegetables and making them myself and offering it in the evening to my baby but she tends to get irritated and tired and has a few spoonfulls and then gives up and has a meltdown. So I’m questioning myself am I feeding her wrong time of day and what’s best to mix the food with milk or baby rice please.