My 2 years old daughter's attachment to me is strange. Please advice.

Be patient with yourself mama 2 is a hard year to adjust too , hard age . Be patient with yourself try not to be so hard on yourself

I would say this is all very normal behaviour for a 2 year old and you’re putting too much pressure on her and yourself. It’s very normal for kids to flick between parental preference. My son does this to my husband a lot as he works 5 days a week whereas I work 3, so have much more 1-1 time with him. He often ‘rejects’ my husband and says things like no I don’t want you, mummy do it, but he responds calmly like no I’m here I’m super excited to do bath time and I will be doing it. He just perseveres and doesn’t take it too seriously. My son has done the same when I’ve been off work with him just us and says things like I want daddy where’s daddy and I’ll just say I know I miss daddy too, we’ll see him soon and then help him through his tantrum by remaining calm.

Raising your voice and your kid won’t change their behaviour, it’ll just teach them you’re scary and to be scared of you.

Parental preference is very normal at this age and it's likely she seems inconsistent because she doesn't fully understand her own feelings, any more than you do. Like when you ask "do you want milk?" and they say "no" when they actually mean "yes," and then cry when they don't get it; or they say no and then change their mind. Her brain is underdeveloped and ruled by emotion, she isn't going to be rational in her thinking.

As long as you are bonding and doing positive things with her, spending quality one-on-one time, she is securely attached to you. It can't be a competition between you and your partner because you'd be setting yourselves up for resentment and fighting. Sometimes you will be the preferred parent. Sometimes he will be. It's great that your husband can calm her down, that she clings to him sometimes and only wants him. That shows a secure attachment to both parents and as she gets older, she will even out and you will both have special things with her that are only yours.

This is normal and goes on for a while. My daughter usually tells the parent she wants at the time that she only wants them, and tells the other one that she doesn’t love them and go away. She doesn’t understand or mean this. Toddlers and very young children are living moment to moment and will use extreme words and say things that they don’t mean to be extreme- for example: one moment Pink is their favorite color and then Black the next. They get jealous easily and quickly. They will say things like they never want to ever eat again, or go to preschool ever again. Then once they are there they are happy, or 5 minutes later they want food. They just tend to have extreme reactions to everything at these ages, so do not take it personally. You aren’t doing anything wrong and it will be okay. When my 4 y/o rejects me or dad we just let her have the space and welcome her with open arms and forget she was ever upset with either of us or jealous when she does come around.

Good news - It sounds like she has good attachment with both of you, and is just a toddler that wants what she wants when she wants it.
Bad news - It also sounds like the kind of thing you could drive yourself crazy worrying about for years for no reason and with nothing to show for it.
I will try to tell you not to worry so much, but I understand how that's so much easier said than done. ❤️

Honestly stop reading so much into it! They are still trying to mange there own emotions and they don't need us emotionally insecure! You are a good mom and all this is normal! Just cut some time together all 3 of you! You and your husband be a team and affectionate to each other in front of her! They see more than leasing!

Absolutely no signs of insecure attachment here, well done you 🩵 she’s just figuring out that she can have preferences and influence what happens, pretty big thing to learn if you think about compared to a 1yo who doesn’t have a concept of being able to decide preferences.

Thank you for all your replies and reassurance.
I do know I have my problem to work on. I'll try to remember your words when I feel so sad next time.

Read this book : I wish I knew this before by minnie