My baby daddy said he wants nothing to do with his child… (ADVICE WANTED)
I’m 24 and this is my first pregnancy. I’m currently 10 weeks and 5 days pregnant. My baby’s father and I were together for about four months when I found out I was pregnant, which came as a complete shock because for six years I had been told by multiple gynecologists that I was infertile and could not conceive. He has three children and is largely absent from the lives of two of them; he does have full custody of his five year old daughter, but only because her mother is actively struggling with drug addiction, and based on his own history and admissions, I believe he would otherwise be uninvolved. He has told me that when he found out his third child’s mother was pregnant, he left for four months because he “needed time to process.” When I told him I was pregnant, he reacted by cursing me out, calling me names, accusing me of lying and trying to trap him financially, despite the fact that I make nearly double his income and have better benefits, and saying it was unfair to the child he currently has custody of. For context, I had gastric bypass surgery in 2023 after weighing nearly 400 pounds at my highest, which likely contributed to infertility at the time, and I was also coming out of an extremely abusive relationship before I met him, which may have played a role as well. I will be honest about my past: after leaving that abusive relationship, I was in a very dark place and drank heavily, but I stopped on my own before finding out I was pregnant and have no desire to drink now. He, however, is an active alcoholic who has admitted he cannot stop drinking, experiences withdrawal symptoms, believes he needs alcohol to function, and also has bipolar disorder with manic episodes that are currently untreated because he refuses medication or treatment. I grew up in a very unstable household myself, with a narcissistic and abusive father, and watching my mother be abused mentally, physically, and financially had a profound impact on me and my brother, which is why breaking generational trauma matters deeply to me. I want my child to have two parents if it is safe and healthy, but I also know that becoming a single mom may be the reality I’m facing, and I’m struggling to decide whether allowing him into my child’s life, even if he comes back later, is truly in my child’s best interest given his history of instability, substance abuse, untreated mental illness, and pattern of walking in and out of his children’s lives. I would really appreciate advice from other moms who have been in similar situations.
EDIT FOR MORE CONTEXT: I want to be very clear that up until the moment I told him I was pregnant, I was only ever told about one child, the daughter he has custody of. I had absolutely no knowledge that two other children even existed. It was only after I found out I was pregnant that he told me he has three children and is not involved in the lives of two of them, and that this was “unfair” to the child he currently has custody of. He also did not disclose until after the pregnancy that he had previously left one of his children’s mothers for four months after finding out she was pregnant. These details were completely concealed from me. I would not knowingly enter or remain in a relationship with a man who is absent from his children’s lives, as I grew up with an abusive, narcissistic father who eventually abandoned our family, and I do not tolerate or excuse absentee parenting. Any implication that I “signed up for this” or knowingly accepted that behavior is simply untrue.
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Honestly he sounds like bad news
You’re more than capable of doing this alone xxx
Been there
You better off without him I went through this my my oldest daughter biological dad he told me to get rid of her when I found out I was pregnant and I decided to be a single mum and then just after her 1st birthday I met my partner now and we have a beautiful baby girl and my older calls him dad, you will be okay doing it on your own it’s hard but us women are stronger than other think xx
Listen from what I’ve read your kid will be better with Just you bc he already made it clear what he wants
Coming from your own mouth you now the answer you need. 3 child and only in 1 life because he has no choice but to . He doesn't want none of them kids honestly and yours will be included. Leave that man boy. You already make money and have benefits you and your child need 😌 girl go about your life . Your not the first single momma and won't be the last pooh go enjoy your life and enjoy brining a child in this world cause he's going to cause you misery
I haven’t been in this situation. But that boy needs to re evaluate his life, and get a vasectomy if he keeps creating children he doesn’t want! You can do it alone, and you will be happier doing it alone. He sounds bad news and honestly you don’t need that in your life! X
As someone who left an abusive relationship , was left without a home . Had my 2 year old packed in the car & just our clothes . We’re much better without him , he co parents but we’re a year later since my life fell apart & mama you got it . Honestly even when you feel like you ain’t got it enough , you have . Make whatever decision makes you feel okay with yourself & secure for your child . You’ve so got this & I wish someone gave me this comment when I was going through it . It’ll be worth whatever decisions you decide on , I wish you the complete best ❤️🩹
Your better off without him but I would never recommend actively keeping him out of the child's life if he shows up later and definitely never telling your child anything bad about him. If you do those things and he and your child end up meeting at some point he can use that to turn your child against you. I find it best to let children form their own opinion.
As a mama with a 12yo daughter who has had an absent father who tries to come in and out - it has affected her mental health pretty bad! It’s been a big job for me & he will NEVER know how hard he made motherhood for me.
A man who wants to be a father WILL BE in every single way possible and no one can stop him - it’s that simple.
Focus on you & your baby. And if he can’t be a dad full-time then don’t allow him to be a dad at all.
To be honest as sad as ur story is
U chose this. U knew he’s absent from
The of his kids life and his addiction too yet u dated him. He told u he was absent for four month. Common babes sometimes we women are the reason why single mothers rate goes up.
But since u have a good income and ur previous fertility issue consider this pregnancy a blessing in disguise
Never beg someone to be involved in your kids lives, if he wants to be a deadbeat dad. Let him. Your better off in the long run
honestly your better of with out him you have seem to get your self back to a healthy side of life from your past. At the time it will seem hard but us mothers always pull threw and in a few years youll look back and go I done that all on my own and im proud but please and I mean please dont go back on your word and accept him back into your life as you really dont need the stress and just remember keep him off birth certificate you and your little one dont need the pain he will cause or bring. Us mummies have will power from some were you have got this
Trust me babe being a single mother will be better for you and your baby, but please report him to CPS so the daughter he has custody of can be placed in a safe environment it sounds like he shouldn’t be anywhere near children, good luck you will prosper🫶
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