What do I do? (Relationship advice)
My husband of 7 years fell into a metaphorical hole. He’s always struggled with drinking (not violent, just would come home drunk and crash about once a week) but it escalated when he lost his job in October.
He was unemployed for 3 months and we have not had the easiest year. Luckily we were ok financially and able to get on with no financial support from others.
After the last time of drinking and lying to me about it (like full on looked at the breathalyzer and tried to tell me it was a food he ate and playing shocked) we chose to renew our vows and start over. He was adamant that this was the turning point. Just got a job, renewed vows.
I found texts on his phone yesterday (from prior to our vow renewal) of him messaging random guys in a sexual way. I called him on it and he tried to back pedal. I do not believe he ever met these people because the conversations are abruptly ended like he realized what he was doing and stopped it. However I have no idea how many he was talking to.
He’s a good dad. He’s never laid a hand on me or the kids in anger and his life has not been an easy one. He wrote up a contract last night that states if his behavior continues not only will he give me a divorce, I will get 100% custody of our kids no questions asked.
I worry if I leave my children won’t understand because all the things he’s done hasn’t been to them. On the outside it looks fine. They are happy and well cared for by us both. But at the same time I’m tired. I’ve done and given up so much for him to just do stuff like that to me I feel like a weak person if I stay.
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Other guys? Is he bi? If he is, did you know or was he hiding it? I’m only asking b.c I’m wondering if that could have been contributing to the drinking?
Hey also, you’re not weak. You’re just trying to do what’s right for you and your babies. Making these decisions can be really hard!
You're not a weak person if you stay. You're taking a risk and sacrificing the alternatives. But the question is how much better could the alternatives be? And for how long are they worth sacrificing. You're doing it for a reason, and it's certainly not a weak reason. You've just got to work out what you really want and are you willing to risk losing it for their choices rather than your own. Consider how old are your kids and when would they be old enough to understand
I feel like him saying he will give you a divorce and the kids is like…. Not a prize? He should add that he will financially support y’all as well not just drop you and the kids and live his single life scot free
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