in

Dublin

I feel trapped in my relationship

Can anybody help advise me on what i need to do. I'm pregnant with our 3rd child. We're not married. I'm an involuntary SAHM. I lost my job and I've been trying to get back to work for the last 6 months and never expected it to be this hard. My partner is very hot and cold ever since our 1st child and it's gradually got worse with each one born. It's got to a point where I no longer seek connection after he's been cruel and he doesn't apologise very often for the way he treats me. Sometimes he does, and i try to encourage that but he just repeats the behaviour and doesn't apologise the next time. I've been getting better at how I react and keep myself from escalating, but he continues to dump his stress on me. And I don't mean by talking. He gets very demanding, antagonising, intense and provocative and it's very stressful to be around. He spends a lot of his money on weed and so i end up paying for the bulk of family expenses. And that's coming out of my savings because I don't have a job, so it is unsustainable. We've talked about these issues before but it is very difficult to discuss relationship issues with him, especially if it's something he knows we were supposed to be addressing because he gets so defensive. For a really long time we weren't sleeping in the same bed. I gave up trying to talk about that with him because it was just causing more tension but recently he started coming to bed, but with this tense attitude that he won't talk to me about. Every morning he wakes me up aggressively to deal with our kids because he's stressed about them bothering him. It feels like he wants me to be responsible for the impossible task of managing his stress. I worry about the stress it's causing this baby. I once told him I wanted us to separate, but neither of us knew how we were going to do that. Who moves out and to where. He wouldn't entertain the idea or try to solve the issue, so I'm still here feeling stuck. Our rent costs 2500 and I know I can't afford that alone. I don't know if I can stay in such an expensive rental on HAP if I were to get it. I don't know how long it would take to apply for it. I once tried to get on the housing list in Dublin south, but I got no contact from the council. His family has been very good to me. They even seem to understand how difficult a person he is to be with. Yet I don't want to burden his mother with concerns. He's a good father just a terribly emotionally neglectful partner, so I wish I could keep him in the home with his kids, but I just don't think I can live with him anymore.