I feel like he’s going to disappear with our two boys…

So I just had my third son, early in February. (Different dad from my other two sons) we broke up back in beginning of 2023 which ended terribly. I always use to take him back but finally left with my kids. The co parenting has been difficult. Even when we were together I was the main provider when it came to our two boys. But he’s made it even harder after we separated.

He doesn’t respect boundaries and rules set up for myself or regarding our kids. He shows up when he wants and will do days or weeks without checking in on them. He use to send me 200 a week for half of the kids schooling and that’s about it. Everything else I had to pay for. Clothing, healthcare, outings, food, the other half of their schooling if not more when we slacks to send his portion.

I’ve stopped asking him for anything regarding our kids forever ago because he’s not reliable and I’d have to pay him back. He pays victims and cries about how I’m the reason he’s in the situation he’s in when in all reality I just stop being the one to take care of everything for him and left him.

Now that I’ve had my new baby he’s switched up. He didn’t feel comfortable giving me the money for their school and wanted his own access to the school account. Ok that’s fine I set him up for that. He wanted to randomly be put on the pick up list. Ok that’s fine as well being their father but it gave me a weird gut feeling. He’s always been the person to use the kids against me to get a reaction out of me. Keeping the kids longer than he was supposed to and purposely ignoring my calls and going awol.

His recent comments made it seem like he’s going to pick up the kids from school without my knowledge and do just that which I’m not comfortable with at all. He’s barely 10% a parent. I made a comment on us going to court since we can’t be civil but every time we have that brief conversation it’s a whole ordeal of how I’m making things harder for him and he disappears again. Due to that last conversation I took him off the pick up list, which I feel is a good idea. That day we got into some type of argument over text early in the morning about how I moved to be closer to the our oldest school that he’s starting next year. It didn’t end well and he attempted to check the kids out of their school around nap time. I’m glad the director didn’t allow him to take them. But he sat out of their school for hours just waiting around.

I don’t feel comfortable around this man and I don’t like the fact that he just seems to pop up whenever he wants. Sleeps outside in his car outside of our house before me moved this week. He’s moving funny and I don’t know who to talk to or what to do. I know he has rights as a parent but I don’t want him to disappear with my boys just to hurt me.

What can I do? Who can I talk to, to express my concerns?

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Going to court isn’t being difficult.
It’s being structured.
It protects your boys.
It protects you.

Right now, your best move is: (What I would do)

File for custody.
Document everything.
Keep communication in writing only.
Do not argue — respond briefly and factually.
If needed, get a protective order.
Provide the school a written statement that no one removes the children without your written consent. Ask them to notify you immediately if he attempts a pick up.

Trust your institution and get a court order. Could he be using any drugs or alcohol or suffering from mental health? The events you have mentioned seem really unusual.
It amazes me how some men cry anout not seeing their children. However, they do not want to financially support them. That is part of being a parent as well.

I’m trying to get a court order but I don’t have any of his information other than his name and birthdate. I’ve never done this so I honestly don’t know where to start.

he smokes weed but that’s about all. I know he’s dealing with mental health problems. He was when I left him. But I’ve always been his blame for everything wrong now.

I wouldn't feel safe. The fact he's parking outside of your house and sleeping in his car out there and staking out where they go to school isn't okay. I'd honestly for sure discuss getting a protective order because that's not the behavior of a mentally stable person and it honestly sounds like it could turn dangerous for you or your kids at any point. Definitely contact the court and file for custody. If you have that order in place and he takes off with them then it'll be kidnapping whether he's their parent or not.

Seek out free legal advice is needed. If he is on the birth certificate, I can't imagine they need much other than his address, maybe email or even his parents' address to send documents to him

You need legal advice and the court definitely has to be brought in!

If he’s sleeping in a car outside your house that’s stalking. Call the cops on him.

Restraining order if you don’t feel safe… get him to text you harassing stuff by ignoring him back, document the unannounced school visits& use it to get order. Then file for custody. Search your local dep of social services for assistance.

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