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Marriage Help

Am I in the wrong? How do I stop doing this?

My son just turned 5 and I wanted to celebrate his bday the same as iv done my older sons. Just a small gathering of my immediate family. Parents brother and 2 sisters. I cooked, cleaned, decorated brought presents. My husband finished at 1, came home, made a comment about how tired and awful I look. And then decided he is going to the gym. I had to pick up kids from school and told him how rushed I was and still needed to wrap presents. But he decided the best time to go to the gym that's open 24/7 was there and then. When he could have helped me with a couple of things. I did look surprised and he started acting moody and I said ok fine go gym then. He went and when he came back I was still rushed off my feet and wrapping presents and he made some comment about how I'm doing too much. I got more annoyed as he hadn't lifted a finger and all I was doing was trying to do our usual bday thing with my family (his family are not really involved and we never see them) I couldn't control my anger and annoyance and we ended up having an argument and i ended up shouting and screaming as I was burnt out from always doing everything alone. I felt like it wasnt the best time to go to the gym. He could have even gone later. Anyway I'm crying upstairs. My family come to the door and he's huffing and puffing and shouting "I'm not doing this" whilst theyre at the door. They come in and I do my best to hide my tears as I'm quiet upset at this point. We do the whole evening and don't speak to each other unless needed. Next day we were supposed to have a family day and he decided to just go without me and took kids out. He came back and I had messaged him during the morning and he blocked me. When they got back I had so much anger and annoyance and I asked him what have I done. And he just ignored me and kept swearing and telling me to shut up. Things basically went from bad to worse and the argument basically erupted and he was quite abusive, cursing my family and how I didn't need to invite my family. They came for free food and was very disrespectful towards my family. He started calling my dad and bothering him at work and I called his dad which he got upset about. His parents speak a different language and I rely on Google translate to speak to them. I sent them a video of him screaming in my face and towering over me as I feel I can't speak to them properly and explain my side. He's obviously got so mad at this after calling my dad again and again. I guess I'm just venting but was it really that ridiculous of me to get annoyed when he chose to go to the gym instead of helping out? Did I over react? He does this all the time and I'm left feeling like a machine rather than a partner. We have had countless arguments over him never showing up for me but I still don't learn to shut up and end up expressing my hurt which always ALWAYS Leads to explosive arguments. We are now on the edge of divorce threats from him and saying he hates me and saying horrible things about my family. All of which he does anyway usually. I guess I'm asking if I was in the wrong? After every argument like this I regret speaking up and knowing if I just stayed quiet things wouldn't have escalated. How can I teach myself to not speak when I'm hurt? It seems like such a big price to pay. My poor kids have heard him constantly shouting and being abusive and say horrible things about me and my family all day. I kept away but he broke the washing machine door and was quite threatening. Which isn't the first time either. Have I fkd up? Should I have stayed silent and not expressed how annoyed I was that he chose to go to the gym whilst we are just half HR away from guests arriving and I'm rushed? :( feeling terrible.