Tantrums at 16 months old

Hi I’m an early intervention therapist. I’d stop telling her that she’s gonna get a spanking because that tends to make children more upset, not less. Toddler brains are immature. They exclusively act on impulse and they don’t have any capacity for reasoning, especially during tantrums. During a tantrum, their brain is basically shut down. They don’t process language, so speaking to them or trying to reason with them is a waste of your energy. They’ll hear trigger words like “spanking” or “no” and get more dysregulated. They often can’t respond with words other than the most basic, such as “no!” How you proceed depends on your objective. If your goal is for her to learn emotional regulation skills, she needs help co-regulating. The best way to do this is to go to a private or less stimulating space, hold her or sit with her until she’s feeling better. Practice deep breathing and model it to her. If you do speak to her, speak quietly in a calm tone. The goal is to share your calm.