Having a bit of a sad day

I don’t know if I want advice or just to get it out a bit.
I had a bit of a rubbish Mother’s Day, and then today had a falling out with my mum.
Very long story short, me and my partner turn 30 this year and were thinking of taking a short trip (2-3 days max) just the two of us to celebrate. Our son will be 2 by then.
We had discussed leaving our son with our parents and them sort of splitting having him (eg. My mum has him one night and my boyfriend’s mum has him the other two nights, or whatever we collectively decide on). They are both happy to do this.

Yesterday my MIL was pushing my son’s pram and got distracted and pushed it off the pavement into the road, a car missed the pram by about 5 seconds. This upset me a lot.

Me and my partner discussed this later on and I said it worries me leaving our son with her in case she does something like that. We also discussed the fact that my mum pays very little attention to our son when she’s with him and is absolutely glued to her phone (looking at social media etc) so we might just take him on holiday with us.

Then this morning I had a chat with my mum and told her we would probably just take our son away with us. She asked why and I mentioned the pram thing with my MIL so she said she would just have him- so I thought it was time to mention that when she’s with him she is glued to her phone and gets distracted and that it just worries me a bit. (For reference she’s been watching him before and because she’s been on her phone he’s managed to get half way up her stairs.)
She absolutely lost it at me. Called me rude etc.

I try so hard not to upset anyone and I’m just so so fed up now. I just wish it was simple and we could trust them to take care of him but they are both away with the fairies.

I want to talk to my mum but i don’t know how to approach it now. Just feel like i need a big cry.

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.

Add a comment

Ugh that sounds so hard. Good on you for speaking up, and I know that must be painful. I’d feel the same way about being uncomfortable leaving them to care for him.

Trust takes time to build. You're just being honest. Your son advocate for themselves. I'd prefer to have an argument than something horrible happen. If I were your mum or mil, I'd think about how I could rebuild that trust, not damage the relationship

Ngl, this is similar to my mum. Since having my 2nd baby who is 11months, our relationship has gotten worse at this point and truly she doesn’t always pay attention my him as he now is crawling and moving around. I live with her and it is always something wrong in that house and say he’s not my responsibility which yeah she isn’t but still, if you wanting to leave your child to your mum or mil, at least they can do is care for them in them moments when you are away. Making you feel comfortable enough, sorry that has happened and I would loovveee a break away by myself but really scared. Also have a toddler, who is 2. xo

We are kind of in the same boat, our son is 2,5 and we never left him with anyone else. We don’t have anyone around us who we can trust to do a good job. Most people are so careless. And leaving him with a professional stranger feels scary as well because they are a stranger. So we’ve never had a date or trip alone. It’s very sad.
I’m sorry you are in the same boat but you have to do what’s best for your baby even if it’s inconvenient or “rude”.

Tbh, I would take my son with me as I would not be able to enjoy the holiday and would be constantly worried about him and his safety. And as the trust is already not solid, I wouldn't be able to trust if my mum or MIL will keep stuff from me that had happened. But thats just me. It would change the type of holiday you both have but there will be peace of mind and I'll take that any day.

Thank you all for your replies, it’s really reassured me ❤️ it’s also nice to hear I’m not alone in this
I want to always put my little boy first and if I get called rude in the process then I’ll deal with it!
Some people have a complete lack of emotional maturity and my mum certainly is one of them.
We will take him away with us, plenty of time in the years to come where we can enjoy time alone
Thank you all again I feel so so much better x

I think your mum just dislike the accusation of her being a bad grandma(at least in an important way). But fact is fact. Being upset and defensive and calling you rude doesn't change the fact that she's not attentive to your son and she cares about her social media more than him.
Her response is quite normal and should be expected, and ignored.

My mil is the same as your mum. Glued to the phone. Comes over to our house and sits on her phone..I just find it rude. I wouldn't trust them both either x

in our community

If yall still giving your kids processed food, pls seek help

I understand not everybody can afford healthy ingredients all the time, but I’m seeing so many moms on social media giving they kids artificial cereals, coffee, frozen pancakes, velveetta Mac and cheese, hot Cheetos, kraft, the list goes on. I’m sorry but are yall not capable of cooking from scratch or ?? On top of that, if you still using canola and vegetable oil in 2026 you gotta stop. Am I the only one that notices this ???

I've finally done it

I have finally done it. I have finally become the trope, the stereotype.

I have become bitter, resentful, and very overwhelmed and overloaded. I am very unhappy and hit burnout. And I snapped at my husband last night. I work full-time, and work has been very busy so im working late a lot. Im also in grad school. I also have a toddler that has become VERY clingy with me. My husband works shorter days but commutes, so he usually gets home after me by an hour or more. When he gets home, he usually heads to the restroom for at least 30 mins when he gets home. And now my toddler doesnt want anything to do with him. So im doing all the toddler duties until bed. I dont get 5 mins to myself. Not for almost 2 years. I finally hit my wall. I have also, somehow, become my MILs medical ride service and she somehow has an appt every week, it seems?! Shes not sick!! My husband was complaining that he needs to change routine to fit in a workout sometimes, and I lost it. I have been BEGGING for 5 mins to myself for months. I have been telling him how im not good, im going to burn out for months. And between his attitude and him complaining (which really got me b/c he blames me for not being able to work out?! Saying I need help when he gets home so he just cant workout now) I just lost it completely. I told him how unfair my life has become and I have the entire mental and emotional load and it is just not fair. He got mad at me and said "hes trying" when hes literally not trying at all. What do I do?? No one is taking the load from me! And im done and dont know what to do now.
I do not like this version of me.

AITA?

This isn't a major issue, just wondering if I'm being a bit of an asshole.

• I do shift work, 5 out of 7 days, full-time.
• My partner works from home (mostly, sometimes he goes into the office) M-F, full-time.

Anyway, whenever I have a day off during the week he gets in his feelings when I make myself food (breakfast and lunch) but not him. His reason is he's working, I'm not - Which is fair but I've asked him how many times on a weekend has he gotten up, on his day off and made me breakfast and a lunch to take with me to work? You guessed it, 0.

So basically, just because I'm at home I don't think the responsibility to feed him should automatically fall on me when he manages to feed himself just fine while I'm at work.

Big vent!

Hi mums.
I'm a first time mum in my 40s to twin boys.They are almost 5 months old and the biggest miracle in my life!
I am struggling!!!
I'm pretty sure I have ppa as my pregnancy was a very high risk and all I remember was crying from anxiety of all the ifs!Thankfully even born at 35 weeks and skinny,didn't need iu time.
My husband is not helping much because he's always too busy with work.He will "look" after them usually between 8pm-12am so I can have a chance to sleep.
He expects me to just sleep when I touch the pillow,even though I hear tje babies crying and him don't really bother because most of the times he'll be on his laptop working.
When I tell him I can't relax to fall asleep because I feel you r neglecting the babies,he says I'm the problem becauae I'm always there with them and don't give them alone time!!
I am angry!!I am furious!!
I can't keep.up.with housework becauae someone alwaya neess me and most of the times they nap I either cook and clean tje kitchen,do laundry or try and take a quick nap.
He doesn't help.around the house,becauae..guess what?always super busy.
I asked him nicely we could clean the house together every Saturday morning so it's easier and quicker for both of us and he said no,because he has a lot of work but probably wants to sleep until 12 or 2.
2 days ago a button of his coat ripped and I told him I'll sew it these days.
Earlier this morning while running late for his work,as always,he weara the coat and told him didn't get the chance to fix the button and sarcastically said..of.course u didn't!!!
I spent all night awake because one of the babies had congested nose and we've been trying to reduce one fees at night.
I wanted to punch him!!He left and I started crying...I cry so much,even at 5 months pp...
I can't go on like this anymoreeeee...
The crying in my ears is constant..my head is always numb..I've gained so much weight and can't find the strength to get back on track..
Even if I try to.find a therapist to just talk,is it gonna help?I really don't know😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Avoidant husband

I love my husband and he is a good man. We have some issues in our relationship however, as he has an avoidant attachment style (finds romance/intimacy/being emotional difficult). This comes from him having to be independent from a young age and having quite an abusive mother.
The issues in our relationship are mainly around a lack of sex and intimacy. I think the problem is that to feel turned on, I need to feel connected and wanted. My husband (being avoidant) will usually make jokes about being horny whereas I would want to have someone make me feel beautiful/sexy to get in the mood.
It sounds terrible but I've sometimes had dreams about exes that would make me feel this way, and the romance we had (eye contact, intensity, deep words). It makes me feel really guilty but I feel like i'm starved of that. My husband would like a lot more sex but I can't always force myself if I'm not feeling it.
We've spoken a bit about therapy but I know its often really expensive so we probably wouldn't be able to afford it. Do you have any suggestions please? I know that neither of us are wrong in what we want, just different but I'm scared about whether we can fix it or if we're doomed?

Toddler snacks in the morning ?

Hey.

My 14m is clearly going through a growth spurt. He’s a fussy eater but recently started having two breakfasts with the childminder and that’s even after milk in the morning.

He wakes at 6am and we leave around 7:05am. Has 6oz when he wakes but then is seemly hungry looking for snacks before we leave. The only issue is, he’s a fussy eater and won’t sit and eat fruit etc so struggling to think what I can give him that’s suitable.

Any fussy eater suitable ideas of what I can make or get him to snack on whilst we finish getting ready to get out the door?