Confessions of a mother who never had one herself…

I struggle so much with keeping a healthy relationship ship with my daughter. I know I could/should be doing better. But I don’t even know how. I see it being done done, but don’t know how to “get out of my own way” and implement it. At times I struggle with viewing my child as a child. I struggle with thinking that “she knows exactly what’s going on and what’s she”s doing” I struggle with KNOWING she is just a child and actually allowing her to be just that! I hate myself for it. I fear my daughter growing up and hating me one day because of my ways and not realizing although it was tough, it was out of love. I often keep pictures that she has drawn for me around my house as a constant reminder that she is just a child. I pray for myself and anyone else going through this struggle, that one day we will get it together and that our babies won’t feel hated all of their lives!

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.

Add a comment

Hi Patrice. This is moving to read because I see a mom who is trying to create the image of motherhood with a blank canvas and little to no paint. I really commend you on creating an intervention like you did; putting your daughter's artwork on display to remind you of her innocence. My son was born in 2015 also and at this age, they have developed a conscience. It's okay to put some pressure sometimes as long as you are teaching and guiding along the way. We can't expect our kids to get behind the wheel of a car and drive properly if we haven't given them enough lessons. Same way, if they have only seen us drive like a maniac, they will probably start driving just like we do because that is what's familiar to them. I hope that analogy made sense.
A suggestion I have is to find a trusted person you can talk to about it. A professional could be helpful, or a motherly figure (it could be a friend, cousin, aunt, a friend's mother, or even an older woman in your area that you know is easy to talk to)

You could also start to pinpoint what behavior has you hating on yourself. Think about an event that transpired between you and your daughter and disect it. Play by play. What did she do? What feeling did it bring out in you? What part of you was triggered? The part that feels disrespected? Inadequate? Guilty? How did you respond? What feeling do you think your response triggered for your daughter?
Another intervention would be to sit her down and ask her. "How did you feel when I said ....?" Don't try to defend yourself, just listen. Regularly ask questions like "What is something that your friends at school know about you that I don't know?" "What are three things that you need me to know about you?"
You can search up conversation started questions for kids/teens online for more ideas.
Play with her. Engage in childhood activities with her. Play tag. Play house. Role play. A game I used to play with my kids a lot was that everyone had to take on someone else's persona.

So you would pretend to be your daughter and she would pretend to be you. It ends in a lot of laughs and you get a sense of how you both perceive each other. Be careful to leave your feelings to the side because mannn they will reflect to you how they view you and it can hurt sometimes I'm not gonna lie! 😆

Teach your daughter how to live in the moment. Stop judging yourself and enjoy your motherhood. This way, when it's time to come down hard on her, she knows that there will be brighter days and moments of laughter and love. It's impossible to be a mom full of sunshines and rainbows all the time. It's just unrealistic and ineffective. But give her a little joy, meaningful connection, and learn how to regulate your nervous system so that you can be at peace and present with her in those moments.

in our community

Wdy think of this for a toddler to learn word construction?

I'm open to anything else to start teaching him to read and write. He's 3!

Vanilla extract

Has anyone used alcohol free vanilla in their babies formal to help them drink?
I’m 100% sure my baby refuses her bottles as she doesn’t like the taste of it!

Just anxious to try it, don’t want her to get used to it and then refuse bottles again after two weeks of using (correct me if I’m wrong but I’ve read you use it for 2 weeks max)

TIA 🙂

Car seat crying

My 6 month old PANICS the second I put him in a car seat and screams, cries, chokes and recently even projectile vomited on a 14 minute drive. It’s gotten to the point I don’t even bring him out unless it’s to a doctors appointment. I’m a stay at home mom with no family in my state and it has been very isolating. We’ve tried 3 different car seats with no improvement. Has anyone had a baby who hated the car seat? Any advice? This started at 3 months. I will add it does seem worse when he’s tired. He does cry on every trip though. He only contact naps and co sleeps so he reaches for me and will not sleep in the car seat.

Do men really enjoy fellatio?

Been together more than 10 years, but it's been a while since he even seemed remotely interested in me getting on my knees, or vice versa so to speak. I think it was once last year. Must be something I am doing wrong 🤔. Generally everything else in that department is great and we have two young kids with no extra support, so it's quite surprising we can't keep our hands off each other but may need to try new things. It's basically 2 positions each time with some foreplay.

Sex post C section

Hi ladies I’m 4 weeks 5 days postpartum and I had a C section. I’m not bleeding properly anymore just some brownish discharge stuff that starts on and off. I’d like to do the deed with my partner; is it okay to do so or shall I wait the full 6 weeks. I feel up for it but also worried because the advice is 6-8 weeks.

Can someone pls help i keep making this post and nobody is responding

My boyfriend booked a trip for us to go to mexico for a week as my push present. I have severe anxiety leaving my 7 month old with my mom. I know she will be in good hands but she’s exclusively breast fed for the most part but accepts bottles just fine. i have all my pumping parts packed and will pump when baby normally eats but i don’t want baby to forget me or have latch issues when i return!! any mommas ever experience this?