Sahm .. the dad role .

Hi!! I’m 2 months pp. and I really would like your opinion on this situation if you have a moment.
So I have always had a job before the baby, and my bd .. not really. But 2 weeks before he was born he scored a really good job and I was able to be a sahm. Which is what I wanted , and I’m unsure if it’s still what I want or if the situation just isn’t right.
At first he was a great help in the hospital as I had an emergency c section. I was in the hospital for about a week and for most of that time I was in bed .
But after that.. I’m lucky if he will watch the baby while I shower .and I mean that seriously.
I am the only one who changes diapers, only one who bathes , feeds or watched him in general. And of course he may be tired after work but it’s like he completely avoids any responsibility. Like he will take a hour coming home and stop by his friends house otw . He will sit down stairs for hours knowing I won’t go down there bc I’m uncomfy . So I have the baby then.
We have been out maybe 2-3 times sense I had him & he refused to push the stroller c change or anything. In fact we got to the mall and said he needed to split up and I had the baby.
I feel he only wants the baby when it’s for … attention? Like to post the baby on social media or if his family is here he will take him .

I just feel like on days he doesn’t have work the next morning he should be helping , and if he is up early before work while I’m still sleeping he should get the baby instead of scrolling on reels for 3 hours .

Honestly he has really ruined my new born phase with my son. Within the first week of us being home I had to full on switch to survival mode I would call it. He would complain if dinner wasn’t done or if the room was a mess , he would complain if the diaper caddy had no diapers which really makes no sense bc he didn’t even changed the diapers . It was just everything.
I’m just wondering if there is anything I could say to get some type of help out of him.
I tried reaching out to his mother but honestly his hole family is oblivious to his behaviour.

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My husband does everything I do- the moment he’s home from work, he’s hands on with our 2 young children-He also cooks and does his designated chores. Your man does not love, respect, or even SEE YOU. I’m sorry you have to find this out at such a vulnerable time. I would not stay.

Even if he was single, he would have to work. He has NO excuse to not be active in the household.

If he really needs his hand held through this, sit down and make a set schedule for both of you- choose days that someone cooks, what hours he will be on dad duty when home, designated chores. If not, you’re already a single mom- lose the dead weight and make it official. Good luck ❤️ I’m happy that you have the means to go back to work to support yourself. Please DO NOT forget this. People say it gets better and that the relationship naturally heals but what they’re not acknowledging is that it only got “better”, because the baby got older and was less dependent on the mother-NOT bc the dad actually stepped up.

My husband is very hands on with the baby and when I am on baby duty he is washing pump parts or preparing sandwiches, overnight oats, cooking breakfast etc. It sounds like he doesn’t realize how difficult motherhood is and especially the transition of postpartum. You need to somehow get him to be in charge of the bay for a few hours so he can see how difficult it is and show him that he needs to help you.

Hmmm? So when people are around he suddenly plays the father role ... because he wants to be
" seen" helping
But at home, he does shit all to help and he's too comfortable showing his true colors.

If there's a chance that you are both able to communicate and talk about parenting and how to support each other and work together as partners, that's a good positive that things will change and get better

I would straight up tell him he's not doing anything and that you're doing it all alone. You can't really make him. He's not doing it because it's not fun or he's not interested and he knows you will.

Just leave him with the baby and take a day to yourself. On a day he's off obviously. He needs to see what it feels like

Just because your a stay at home mom doesn’t mean he can stop being a dad
I would really sit down and talk to him because he needs to be present, that’s not a ask he has to be. I’m lucky my husband comes home and hangs out with the baby and takes care of him in the morning before he leaves for work because it’s his time he gets with our son so he wants to enjoy those moments.

I think he is happy to have a kid but not to be a dad... I would have a serious talk with him and put your conditions. That's not normal. That's not Ok

in our community

wtf moment?

I have been going back and forth with my husband lately. Well not lately it’s been years. He is the best husband and father you could ask for; for two weeks. Then he’s inconsistent. It drives me mad. Then he’s back to husband and dad of the year , then back to same inconsistency. I talked to him about this last night and he said “if i was lovey dovey and acted like this all the time you’d get bored and cheat on me.”

Ok so for starters i know some of you are going to say omg omg omg super controlling omg leave omg. No im not doing that. Im happy he finally admitted his wrong doing and taking accountability for it but id like to know the deeper reason, the what the f has him thinking like this reason, the personality trait reason. He’s obviously scared I’m going to leave him; so much so that he’s doing this dumb shit to prevent it. Past trauma? What do y’all think I can do to get him to see I’m not going anywhere? I’m consistent already, I married him, we have a baby. He really is the love of my life. I have never loved another man like this before.. but this shit is for the birds and he thinks he’s keeping me doing this but in actuality it’s making me lose respect and detach.

Divorced at 5 months PP

My husband just divorced me yesterday.

I'm 5 months post partum and I feel like complete shit. I literally can't stop crying and I don't feel like eating and this whole week my milk supply has gone down due to stress and not eating. What helps with milk supply?

The divorce- on Monday at 5am me and my husband had a small argument on text. It was regarding him not catering to my love language. I sent him a video on how women shouldn't have to ask and how laziness can kill a relationship. We've had many arguments regarding this prior about him not catering to my love language and he doesn't buy me flowers or doesn't think of me. Anyways this night, he text me saying he doesn't do Mother's Day and all that, he doesn't want to buy me flowers because my sisters buy me flowers and he can't be arsed with my moods. He said I've not been his peace and said he's done.
I replied "okay. All I want is for you to appreciate me and love me as your wife and mother of your child. I'm not pushing you away, I'm begging you to love me etc etc. I'm done too."

I come home from my errands that morning and he's upped and left. He took all of his belongings, clothes, drawer, tv- everything.

He didn't ring or text me or anything.

The property is in my name and as he left and didn't leave the key, I changed the locks the next day. I feel this is what pushed him over the edge.

He officially divorced me on Saturday.
I'm 5 months post partum and I have a 5 year old from my ex partner too.

I just want to talk about it with someone that's not biased. Was I asking for too much? I feel he just didn't want to be with me anymore and used this as an excuse? Or is that me overthinking....
Input would be nice xoxo

Partner is giving me the silent treatment

So I was struggling with my postpartum anxiety bad yesterday. My partner and I was out for drinks with family. He kept making jokes about treating me a bit shit.
Which no one thought was funny. I am usually quite patient about him using me as his jokes, but yesterday it hurt.

When we got home I told him it made me feel disrespected. Now he is giving me the cold fat shoulder?! What do I do ?

worried about a family members baby

So this child is three months old and she isn’t being fed from 10pm till 6/7 am idk if this is normal or safe and it’s been like this since 2 months i believe as she won’t wake her for feeds she goes to the pub drinking most nights with her baby and her baby has already been in hospital with a very low temperature bc she was outside but as soon as she was in a warm car she warmed up and doctors said she was fine she lets cats play with her bouncers toys that go over her and doesn’t strap her in she is cold from what i’ve heard from other family members and they’ve tried to warm her hands and she’s wet herself at my parents and she hasn’t had a spare vest to put on her and i offered her a blanket as she didn’t have one and she declined and she won’t listen to anyone about it she’s already left the baby with my parents for the night to go out drinking and personally i couldn’t leave my three month old because my parents said she just cried and im really unsure whether to report her or not and her house smells of dog wee/poo as she’s never home to look after them and that’s not safe for the baby i understand being lonely but she doesn’t need to go to the pub every night her friends could
go
to hers or her she could go to a cafe that has closed doors not sat outside a cold pub and it’s a bit of a rough pub in my opinion

my parents are concerned btw but they say i shouldn’t report her as it’s not fair but i feel how the baby is treated isn’t fair

Forgiving a partner…

Long story short - found out 2 months ago my partner of almost 10 years has slept with two girls, one of which he’s been seeing for 8 months - during this time I was pregnant with our third child and gave birth. (She had an abortion)
I found out, he cut all ties (still works with her)
I want to try and move on from this, we have three children , and a home… I can’t face the idea of being without my children half the time. I want to try and make things work. But I can’t stop the intrusive thoughts / images of the two of them together…. Any advice if you’ve been in a similar situation?
Sick of feeling this rubbish, also 5 month pp so hormones/confidence is in pieces😣😣😣

Does anyone else hate their partner?

I’m now a little over 2 months postpartum and I’ve struggled with genuinely just not liking my partner anymore since we found out I was pregnant last year. I catch myself just staring at him with hatred because I’m so sick and tired of his bullshit. He is just now getting a job and has not had one since THANKSGIVING!!! Meanwhile I was working full time until I finally got too sick to be able to work. I genuinely want him out of my house but I depend on him as far as driving goes bc I don’t have a car. I also still love him deep down and don’t want to put him out on the street but he’s driving me genuinely insane. Any advice?