Sahm .. the dad role .

Hi!! I’m 2 months pp. and I really would like your opinion on this situation if you have a moment.
So I have always had a job before the baby, and my bd .. not really. But 2 weeks before he was born he scored a really good job and I was able to be a sahm. Which is what I wanted , and I’m unsure if it’s still what I want or if the situation just isn’t right.
At first he was a great help in the hospital as I had an emergency c section. I was in the hospital for about a week and for most of that time I was in bed .
But after that.. I’m lucky if he will watch the baby while I shower .and I mean that seriously.
I am the only one who changes diapers, only one who bathes , feeds or watched him in general. And of course he may be tired after work but it’s like he completely avoids any responsibility. Like he will take a hour coming home and stop by his friends house otw . He will sit down stairs for hours knowing I won’t go down there bc I’m uncomfy . So I have the baby then.
We have been out maybe 2-3 times sense I had him & he refused to push the stroller c change or anything. In fact we got to the mall and said he needed to split up and I had the baby.
I feel he only wants the baby when it’s for … attention? Like to post the baby on social media or if his family is here he will take him .

I just feel like on days he doesn’t have work the next morning he should be helping , and if he is up early before work while I’m still sleeping he should get the baby instead of scrolling on reels for 3 hours .

Honestly he has really ruined my new born phase with my son. Within the first week of us being home I had to full on switch to survival mode I would call it. He would complain if dinner wasn’t done or if the room was a mess , he would complain if the diaper caddy had no diapers which really makes no sense bc he didn’t even changed the diapers . It was just everything.
I’m just wondering if there is anything I could say to get some type of help out of him.
I tried reaching out to his mother but honestly his hole family is oblivious to his behaviour.

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My husband is very hands on with the baby and when I am on baby duty he is washing pump parts or preparing sandwiches, overnight oats, cooking breakfast etc. It sounds like he doesn’t realize how difficult motherhood is and especially the transition of postpartum. You need to somehow get him to be in charge of the bay for a few hours so he can see how difficult it is and show him that he needs to help you.

Hmmm? So when people are around he suddenly plays the father role ... because he wants to be
" seen" helping
But at home, he does shit all to help and he's too comfortable showing his true colors.

If there's a chance that you are both able to communicate and talk about parenting and how to support each other and work together as partners, that's a good positive that things will change and get better

I would straight up tell him he's not doing anything and that you're doing it all alone. You can't really make him. He's not doing it because it's not fun or he's not interested and he knows you will.

Just leave him with the baby and take a day to yourself. On a day he's off obviously. He needs to see what it feels like

Just because your a stay at home mom doesn’t mean he can stop being a dad
I would really sit down and talk to him because he needs to be present, that’s not a ask he has to be. I’m lucky my husband comes home and hangs out with the baby and takes care of him in the morning before he leaves for work because it’s his time he gets with our son so he wants to enjoy those moments.

I think he is happy to have a kid but not to be a dad... I would have a serious talk with him and put your conditions. That's not normal. That's not Ok

I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. I’m curious how old your baby is and if this has improved? The first 3 months were so hard on me because my husband was afraid and he felt useless (he told me this later) now that he is 6 months, total 180! He is the best dad and I could not do this without him. It’s a hard transition for the dads too

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