My seven year old

Have you sat her down and asked her bout her feelings ? It alot for kids that age to have 2 homes. Kids have lots of feelings they don't no how to cope with x

I have sat her down and she has adhd and is dyslexia but she is also super smart and manipulating and getting her way all the time

My ex had someone burn my car down and I know it I didn’t have insurance I was visiting my mom in Alaska he loves to make my life miserable

The courts don’t help they took his dude

Side

If there is 1 rule in ur house and diff in her dad's it can be very difficult have u tried to reach out to anyone bout her

For 10 years he made my life hell I finally got out and he still makes my life hell

Feel free to pm me if u like

Maybe try individual and/or family therapy? Maybe she just needs an impartial space to share feelings.

Ya maybe. Do u an her dad get on,?

Most likely she struggles with the change. She may find it difficult to transition from her father back to you. When she returns, she may feel back in her trusted environment where she can unleash feelings and tension (similar when they come home from day care). It’s hard not to see it that way but she would not be doing this deliberate.

Having a good transition ritual when your daugther comes over might help a lot. Your ex is probably saying negative things about you while she's at his house. She needs time to decompress & release that toxicity before she can engage with you normally. On transition days, maybe give her some time in the backyard then come back together for some quality time (a quick card game or board game) before you dive into homework, chores, or other high demand activities. Once you find something that works, being consistent with it should be a big relief for her. If it's not a transition day, and she's saying something in a mean or disrespectful tone, let her know that's too harsh & give her a chance to have a do-over. Give her options of what to say if she's stuck. Have you heard of Samantha Boss? She has a lot of content about coparenting in high conflict divorce that highlights the child's perspective. You might find something there that would give you more insight & ideas for how to approach different situations.