What Would You Do?

Hmmm I dunno… fighting should be fair and safe. I would consider it at the very least a yellow flag, since there is genuine repair at the end of the storm.

Is there actually change or empty promises?

If this is a person i just started seeing… i would see it as a …. not gonna invest in this because it shouldn’t be this hard in the beginning.
If its a husband or partner i been with a while…. Id see it as a …. we dont seem to be making progress and may need to involve a third party like a marriage coach or couples councelor to help us gain some communication and coping skills and possibly more perspective.

Hmmm i think theres just a level of self work for reactivity to work through . You understand eachothers language someways but the explosive responses could be like a dismissed queue that both of you will do instead of just pausing .

when you know youre feelings are swelling and youre just feeding the fire to stay that way... when do you really find a pattern that lets you self regulate?

so to not be reactive and there, settling differences can come and pass on, giving you some new growth in you, your partner, and your relationship.

You have two very young kids that definitely add to stress as a whole but definitely to a relationship as well. If you say there is actual change to the relationship after arguments and talking it out then it’s growth. All relationships have some slight toxicity to them that’s what keeps the spice but it’s up to you both to learn from mistakes and continue through it as long as it’s not hindering both people from being happy and healthy an especially the kids. My partner and I have been together for almost 9 years and just these past 3 years have become parents and we never argued before having kids as much as we do now . Different backgrounds, different views on everything but communication before we both got worked up has been the best blessing to our relationship.