Am I justified???
I have a friend of 12 years we met through work. We are both pregnant (2 weeks apart) . We have been supporting each other through the pregnancy. It has been great because she has kids and has done this pregnancy thing twice already and just nice to have someone who gets it. We live an hour distance from each other so we made a commitment to meet every couple of months.
We met last time in January end of 1st trimester celebration and we went to their place.
For our March meet up we agreed somewhere mutual to do some baby shopping and see each other on a Saturday.
I asked her about meet time several times and she kept on saying she needed to check with her partner
Last time I asked was Friday before our meet the next day at 8pm and she was still checking.
Saturday (day of the meet) morning I heard nothing but didn't want to come off nagging. Bear in mind I can see her posting stuff on socials. Nothing all of Saturday nothing Sunday nothing Monday then Tuesday 9pm I get a 2 sentence apology "sorry I forgot and sorry it took me till Tuesday to realise'
I have ignored the message because I am pretty angry. I just feel disrespected and that mine and my husband's time is not valued of theirs. She didn't even bother to give a good excuse ? Am I justified to be angry ?
I do hold a grudge so I can overreact
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I’m not sure how fast she usually responds. But personally I’m always late responding and I hate that about myself.
The only one I actually respond to quickly is my partner, always have with him.
Friends and family I always respond late.
Is she unwell ? Suffering with depression but doesn't want to say anything? Maybe
I’d say yes, justified in being angry.
Given you’ve been friends for 12 years, I’d give her a second chance and message her back letting her know what she did was rude and uncalled for and wtf is really going on because you’ve been friends for too long for her to play in your face like that.
If she has two other children, she is probably very busy and probably just did forget! It is a bit rude of her but if it wasn’t intentional, and she has apologised, I’d let it slide and just explain that you feel disappointed because you had been looking forward to seeing her and she kept you waiting all Saturday.
I have a friend who would do similar (cancel day of plans) but she was always incredibly busy and tired with work (nurse). I decided to make plans with her that were doing something I wanted to do anyway (like go to a coffee shop or for a walk) and she could join if she wanted to. That way, either way I was happy and got to do something I was looking forward to doing.
I do understand you’re frustrated but as a mum who is pregnant with my third currently, I would say give her some grace. It is so exhausting being pregnant and working and also looking after two other children and keeping on top of everything else like nursery parties and what days they need PE kits for school. Plus I’m bigger earlier on this time and my back has become sore much earlier this time. She probably won’t get the free time to relax and recharge that you can get. I would just drop her a message and ask her if she’s had any further thoughts, she shouldn’t mind if you get back in touch
Maybe she did genuinely forget.
But if this happened more than once I’d stop trying to reach out.
Maybe have them come to you next time you organise something x
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