would you stick around or leave

This was (one of) my bestie for years. She had 3 IVO’s on her partner, each one with a year expiration date, 3yrs in a row. She let him visit the kids supervised but she knew for her peace of mind if he F*ks up even ONCE she can call the cops and they’ll put him behind bars so that was her security blanket to his abuse. Did I cut her off- course not, she was one of the few mums I found that liked taking her kids out like I did so we did play dates 2-3* a week for years. She knew I didn’t like him and she knew I was there for her I told her even if she needed someone at 2am IDC, girl call me (she lived 5mins away) On her own she moved interstate away from him anyway. She left when she was ready, would’ve been no point me telling her that, she knew. She just needed time.

100% still be friends with them and try to help them

I would not want them to get isolated so I would try to stay and drop seeds about what abuse looks like…

As someone who was in a toxic relationship where I was groomed mentally, emotionally, and sexually abused and didn't even see it as abuse since he wasn't physically harming me. He cheated on me consistently too and always blamed it on me.

People trying to help me was prickly. If they try to point out the errors in him or our relationship he'd tell me they were trying to hurt me and I'd feel attacked myself.

Similar for my friend who also had a toxic relationship. Men can mentally isolate you so then when people try to force help you feel like an intruder is trying to break into your mind.

I've learned the best way to help is to give support through presence. You can't reverse brainwashing especially if the person wants to stay brainwashed. However, letting them know your there and slowly encouraging tiny independence like going out to eat for 30 min, or going for a walk. Can help give them confidence and confidence can lead to them getting glimpses of their worth.

i’ve had friends in this situation. you help as much as you can depending on the situation and if it is safe for you to get involved. i’ve had success where the victim is able to get out of the situation and is thriving now, and i’ve had failures where the victim refuses to try and help themselves despite any efforts made, even so far as returning to the situation under the belief that things would be different. THAT type of situation i’m cutting off, you can’t help someone who won’t help themselves and i cannot stand to exhaust myself on someone else’s behalf in vain.

I put help, but it’s not that simple either. My late BFF that was eventually my ex SIL, was in an abusive relationship for years. From the time I was 17 & she was 18, I’d beg her to leave him, but she loved him too much to leave for good. After a while I had to keep my distance, but if she called for my help, I was showing up with a putter in hand, actually dad put that putter in my car bc he knew nothing could stop me from going. Then I ended up marrying her brother, who may not have gotten physical but once, but he was one of those men who seems so perfect that their mocking & gaslighting behind closed doors makes you feel like you’re the problem. I’m a petite woman, but I’ve always been one of those girls who would put myself between any man yelling at or grabbing a woman, didn’t matter if I knew them, but over the decade of their relationship, it emotionally drained me, add my toxic marriage, by the time her BF took his life & she got deeper into substance abuse, I was struggling

Depends on security and safety for myself and my family ... and relationships I have with them whether biological or not. Safety comes first.