Is my husband thick or an *rse

I have to rant 😭
We have been together for years but I feel like since we had a baby things have taken a really awful turn, or maybe it was always like this but now having a baby has highlighted things. Is it just me that sees it?
I’ll try and bullet point or it will be a essay
-I’m expected to do all the night wakes even though I also work (granted I only work 3days but they are long days and need some mental clarity for my job)
- If I say I would like a lay in it’s “wow you only work 3 days” “you lay in everyday your not at work” Yes I do try and lay in if little one is laying in (it’s usually because she’s been up most the night)
- he walked out on mutiple jobs when she was born “because it wasn’t his dream job/wasn’t happy” which ment I had to go back to work when she was really little and put a massive financial strain on us the last year, draining all my savings I saved for maternity leave
- He organises nights out/meals out with friends and expects me to stay home or go and be taxi, He’s even asked me to pick him up saying just put her in the car and pick me up in middle of the night, most the time now he suddenly tries to stay over at friends houses without even mentioning it before hand meaning me being left all night to have baby
Yet if I even go out for couple hours I constantly get asked when I’m back how long I will be even though I always leave a clear plan of what’s happening and when I’ll be home
- he can “have a night out and stay out all night as I go Zumba for an hour every week “😅
- If he’s “looking after her” while I’m doing chores or cooking he just puts the tv on and doesn’t watch her he’s either playing on his phone or games and now she’s walking/crawling I’m constantly shouting saying can you actually watch her, and I have said multiple times tv is a last resort for us as I want to encourage independent play or playing with us
- he makes horrible little comments like imagine doing that as a single parent or I feel like your going to divorce me which makes me think he knows he’s being terrible?
- He’ll try to put off feeding her dinner because he “doesn’t want to clean her up or the mess”
- Doesn’t do bed time as playing his games or watching tv and if I just ask he gets super pissed and just says give her your boob (she was breast fed but now I only breast feed in the night to keep nights easier)
- I also said about working extra Saturdays as these are my busiest work days (hairdresser) as currently just do every other and he flat out said “no because then I’ll have to have her every Saturday” “what’s our family time” yet we spend most Saturdays with his friends anyways or I’m home with the baby because he’s with his friends

I just feel like he isn’t interested in her or me basically and hes just being really lazy with parenting, I’m so mentally drained from explaining how to do basic stuff and doing everything it’s now starting to take its toll on me as a parent.
I try to stop doing everything but it always comes back on me because it just doesn’t get done even when I say can you do this for me and I then have to do it because it needs doing or I’m fed up of asking thousand times
Rant over 😭

in our community

Am I just complaining?

am i just complaining or is this actually unfair?

my partner works 9–6 monday to friday
and i stay home with the baby all day

i don’t mind doing chores during the week, makes sense to me

but when he comes home, gets on the game, and then goes to sleep
and on weekends i’m still the one doing everything

like… when do i get a break?

i’m not saying he doesn’t work hard
but taking care of a baby all day isn’t easy either

so am i just complaining… or is this actually not balanced?

Would you send your child here?

Would you send your child to a preschool that offers access to a live streaming video for “your little one’s safety and your peace of mind”? Why or why not?

Am I being paranoid or gaslit?

I feel like I am being constantly gaslit by my husband over things that to me, should be common sense, but to him I’m “being dramatic” and “he won’t do that”

For example our son has just started crawling, we already have a baby gate at the top of the stairs but I want one for the bathroom door too because the actual door we have doesn’t shut properly and I don’t want him going in there and playing with the toilet brush and stuff like that, my husband said I was being stupid and “why would he do that he’s not stupid” and he thinks we should only have a gate at the top of the stairs and that’s it and any more I’m being obsessive about them, I also want one over the kitchen and bottom of stairs but again apparently that’s too much!

Another example I told him he has to turn his extension lead off at the wall now baby is crawling because I don’t want him to chew the phone charger or play with the sockets etc, he told me I was being ridiculous and “nothing will happen to him stop being paranoid”

Earlier I caught him texting while he was bathing our son and I said he needs to keep his hands and eyes on him at all times in the bath and he told me I was being paranoid again.

There’s been a few other digs here and there but these are the most recent ones. It’s making me worry when I have to leave my baby with him incase he’s not taking his safety seriously like why isn’t he thinking of all the potential dangers the way that I do all the time?
I have post partum anxiety which he knows about and sometimes I think he uses this against me.

Grandparent wars

Does anybody have any advice with navigating the so called ‘grandparent wars’. Specifically my mother is in a constant state of jealously over my partners mother spending my with my LO. I’m constantly getting calls from her saying she doesn’t feel like a priority and she is frustrated but this couldn’t be further from the truth! I have always put her first and my LO sees her way more than his other grandparent.

I’m at my wits end now as I’ve tried speaking to her about this but she just doesn’t listen! She will be fine for a few weeks then she starts again!

Resentment fully kicking in!!!

Background - I have 3 children and have recently had my fourth. I must have some sort of ADHD because the smallest thing irritates me if it’s not done and as you can imagine with 3 kids and a newborn it’s a tough task.

I normally do it all, change bedding, clean, wash, get uniforms, make meals, plan play dates etc, you name it in relation to children, I do it.

I’m starting to absolutely despise my partner of 12 years, as he really won’t do anything without being told. Needs to be told to change baby, to get kids into pj’s, to do homework and all sorts. Reminder after reminder and I’m feeling soo resentful of his lack of contribution, like I’ve got a fifth child that needs telling. I’ve discussed this numerous times, explained that I don’t want to mother him… explained that I would love some soft girl life where I’m taken care off rather than feeling I need to somehow figure things out but no changes…

Every weekend I say I’ll do all the house fixing the night before so he can give me a lay-in (we’re talking until 8/9am max because kids wake up by 6:30/7). Again this morning he waited until I was annoyed, fully awake then went downstairs. Bear in mind he sees me bed hopping colsoling child to child, feeding the newborn etc, he still didn’t get up this morning. I’m soo soo fed up!

I can’t help but feel life could have been different, with a more attentive partner.

I’m the breadwinner, currently on mat leave and I’ve been non-stop. I kind of want to be at work just to not see the lack of contribution and have a “break” because I’m up from 7am until midnight non-stop.

I’m so done with this relationship, so done with him and honestly am just bearing it until I can figure out an exit plan. I honestly feel like if I don’t drive this relationship, we will just float around… this man has always lacked motivation but since I’ve taken the driving seat (someone needs to as I want the best for my kids, picking schools, homes, plans, holidays etc) we won’t have anything going for us.

Anyone else find marriage to be a disappointment compared to your expectations?

Husband with PPD

Hey ladies, has anyone here had the experience of their husband or partner having PPD? How do you handle it?

My husband is gone for work 48-72 hours at a time and then comes home often withdraws from the family. He was pretty depressed after I gave birth as well. Perfect storm of he had major surgery 6 weeks prior and was barely off crutches and so felt physically useless then wasn’t comfortable handling the baby so felt even more useless. at the time I tried to give him a lot of grace for it because it was all new.

Now our daughter is now 10 months and my husband is mostly recovered and back to work but still having these depression episodes. Like today he came home and was excited to see us but spent like an hour with us then went to bed and hasn’t gotten out of bed since. So I’m stuck with caring for our wild child, cooking dinner (that he doesn’t even eat), doing laundry, getting the pets fed etc and just like feeling burnt out that it’s constantly all on me.

Am I being a brat? What can I do to get out of this funk? He’s already seeing a therapist which helps sometimes but then he falls back into this withdrawal mode.