What would you have done…?

Absolutely not because it would basically teach her she has no say in what she feels strongly about.
Grandparents are adults and need to get over it

this is such a hard one... i would look if she's like this with others. if it's because she doesn't want to be away from mum and dad, and there are at least a few people she responds like this with, i would make her go to get her more used to being away from us. if she's very happy being with others but only responding this way with these grandparents, i would be concerned something happened. not necessarily worst case scenario (though you never want to be complacent), but just something that wasn't ok. so until i felt like we'd reached the bottom of why she felt that way i wouldn't make her go. if there's something about them that scares or upsets her that's irrational, i wouldn't think forcing her to be alone with them would fix it anyway, she might get over it better spending time with them and with you for a while, or at least that might help surface what she's responding so negatively to...

what did you do?

When you asked her why she didn’t want to go with them, what did she say?

My son says he doesn't want to go to grandparents, usually he has to because of holidays and work and there's no choice, he is always fine and has a blast!
If it weren't my parents, would I feel differently hmmm maybe!

No, I would have told them ahead of time or went too. It’s very disrespectful of their time to let them come to just turn them away

I personally would have still taken her but there are lots of things my kids havnt wanted to do over the years like school, holiday camps, childcare arrangements ect or spending 1-1 time with one child that the other is too young for.
However you mentioned she’s not feeling great and hasn’t done it before. I assume you gave them notice? Their reaction seems a little over the top though.

I think you absolutely did the right thing by listening to her wishes, I probably would have informed the grandparents the day before however they should understand that children are unpredictable and you did not ask them to leave.

Depends on which grandparents it is. My mum id make her go I know there would be no issues with my mum herself. My dad definitely not. MIL and FIL 50/50

Nope. If he doesn’t wanna go he’s not going to. I don’t care who you are to him. It’s up to him whether or not he wants to go!!! If it hurts feelings oh well but I’m not forcing him to go when he clearly doesn’t.

I would have asked why and really made her tell me because maybe it's something fixable a mistake. I would hope. But it could also be bad.

That's so tough, my in laws and parents would only want to take the kids if they're wanting to go, the moment they say no they back off cause they never want to deal with 'I wanna go home /I want mummy'

Is this the first time the grand parents have behaved like this?

And is it normal for you other half to ignore what your kids are saying? To be 5 and saying I don't want to go is hard to ignore and coerce into going, what did he expect to happen? She magically change her mind and go?

I wouldn’t have sent her, my daughter is 4 and I’m not forcing her to go anywhere she doesn’t want to. Sometimes she’ll give me a reason beforehand but I feel like as adults we don’t always fancy doing something either.

A bit different from grandparents but my parents split when I was 5. There was a lot of stuff happening i won't go in to but occasionally me and my brother would not want to go to my dad's for weekend and we never got a say in it. Yes sometimes we still had fun and it was fine, other times it was a complete nightmare. My mum talked my brother in to going on holiday with my dad once (i was happy to go on this occasion) he ended up in such a bad state, full of anxiety, nightmares and screaming for mum in the night etc that half way through the week my dad and mum drove half way each to meet in the middle so my brother could go home. Your question reminds me about how I felt back then and I dont think I could make my child leave me to spend time with others if he was that sure that he didnt want to go

Not at all. But I absolutely would have told them because that’s quite frustrating for them.

No. You offered them to stay and they made a fuss. It's on your partner (should have told them the day before that it was possible the day couldn't be done) and on them for not understand and make it all about them while you were offering them to stay with you too.

Sometimes they have no choice like school for example. But in this situation I definitely would have done the same. She has come to you and voiced what she wants and you’ve listened. 👍🏻

I would never “make my child” go ANYWHERE with ANYONE if she doesn’t want to. In fact with my husband and I, if he/I want to go out with her and she says no, we let her be with the exception of school and important situations.
Grandparents should have been mature enough to at least spend 30mins before leaving and then they can address their upset in private. I can never understand why parents of boys tend to lean towards being ill mannered to the person their son loves.

I hope you feel better about the situation, continue to teach your daughter that her choices matter and anyone who cannot respect that can fly a kite. 🤍

Before they left to collect her, I’d ask her if she wanted me to go with them or have the grandparents stay and visit with her at our house, if possible.

If not (like if they were going to meet others or had tickets to something, etc.) then I’d get my husband to call his parents and say she’s sick. If they showed up and she still said no, I’d tell them sorry, maybe next time.

it sounds like your husband created the issue with the parents by not cancelling in advance like he should’ve. Also, only wanting to see her alone is a giant red flag in my books.

Absolutely would have kept her home, but also I wouldn't have agreed to the dinner in the first place if she never agreed

(your husband is half the problem here)

Nope. I had a very similar experience growing up. I hated going to my Nana's but she would cry or get upset if I didn't. My mom regrets sending me there so much now because of stuff I told her. Not saying these grandparents are necessarily at fault, this could just be a kid that's just in the mood for mommy daddy time. But personally if my kid says she doesn't want to go with someone I'm not gonna make her

Nope. If my daughter doesn’t want to go with someone she doesn’t have to. No one is entitled to her. I will never force her to give a hug either to anyone she doesn’t want to.

Let them be angry. Their emotional state is not your responsibility. Your responsibility is to your kiddo and you showed her that day that you are in HER corner, even if all of the other adults weren’t/aren’t —that is 100% what your child needed/needs and your relationship with her will be stronger for it. Good for you for not letting them pressure her OR you into doing something she didn’t want to do/went against your instincts as a mother! ALWAYS, trust your instincts! ❤️🙏

I would never force my daughter to go with anyone she doesn’t want to or feel comfortable with. It makes me wonder why doesn’t she want to go? Why does she feel so strongly about not going with them?

Absolutely not 💯 my kids love their grandparents & doing anything with them, but if they ever up & decided they wanted to stay with us, I would respect that wish.

I would make my 4 year old go but there's a reason behind it. It doesnt happen often and she has very high anxiety about leaving me. Once im not in the picture she settles within 5 minutes and enjoys her day. Shes the same at going to nursery. She only does 3 hours at nursery but goes reception in September and she doesnt like leaving me then but she comes out all smiles.

Shes only ever stayed overnight at her grandparents twice but she keeps asking for me whilst there Shes stayed at my sisters twice also but she has Her cousins to play with there and eventhough she asks for me shes fine because she has a distraction there. Plus my sister will keep her occupied and comfort her.

I know she gets anxious but I do have to push her boundaries sometimes as its good for her and me to have space once in a while.

I don't think any decision is wrong because you know your child best.

It depends honestly there's a few lessons that could be taught.. i hear you all saying don't make her do something if she doesn't want to but thats also not real life. Sometimes we do have to do things we want to. Sometimes we do these things and realise we enjoyed them a lot more than we ever thought we would.

I don't know your child so my opinion is invalid and im sure whatever you decided was right but, with my children it would honestly depend.. if they didnt want to go for a reason.. fair.. if they just dont want to go, im going to encorage them to because i know they'll have fun and be spoilt rotten.

I am the type of mum who will always encorage my kids to be brave in a situation. 9 year old was scared of a flume and i said 'lets do it, i promise you its safe, i also promise you'll love it' he got upset but eventually he did it and then i couldn't get him off it. He left feeling proud of himself and had a great day! 🙂

I think it’s so important to validate her feelings why force her to haggle out with people she doesn’t really want to, when she gets older she may way to hang out with with but for now she doesn’t want to and that’s fine it’s good that she feels safe enough to tell you she doesn’t want to go with them, and wants you to all go, let them be angry girl who cares you either all go or she doesn’t go and I think you did a good job as a mom listening and hearing your baby girl. Because it starts early invalidating women’s feelings, you don’t want her to grow up and feel she must dismiss her own feelings to make others happy or comfortable or in fear of them being annoyed they didn’t get what they want. Simple as 🩷🤷🏽‍♀️

I meant to press no , sorry 😢

Not that I’m implying this is the case but my SIL would be hysterical whenever she had to go to the grandparents’ house. She would fight, kick and scream and raise hell

Later in life everyone found out that the grandmother’s brother was actually molesting her. The uncle passed in 2011 and that’s when everyone found out he molested my FIL too as a child